European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 1, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Owners to Moira Allen author of a coping with sorrow on the lose of your pet Quot playing with her cats. Sis Lynda Davidson by Deedee Arrington Doke Kaiserslautern Bureau buddy the Puppy is the Star of Heatherlyn Gasper a photo Book. Caramel coloured with soft Brown eyes buddy pops out from the pages As the Model canine Friend playful cuddly and kid Loving. What did daddy Call him a Pam Gasper asks her 6-year-old daughter. A a fuzzball a Heatherlyn recalls with a smile. Buddy had Only lived with the Gaspers two months before he died. But the family still grieves for the Little dog several months after his death. Instead of trying to make her children forge Hiim however Pam Gasper is helping them to remember him fondly. There s the picture Bock and then there a the family s videotape of buddy s exploits. A i think we be done the right thing by not making the kids forget Quot Pam Gasper says. Moira Allen would agree. Allen is the author of coping with sorrow on the loss of your pet a 134-Page Book published in 1987 that acknowledges the profound grief Many pet owners feel when their animal friends die. She wrote the Book after contacting about 100 bereaved pet owners from across the United states while she was researching an article. It won the dog writers association of America s 1988 award for Best Book in the general category. Quot i had never realized it was such a repressed Issue Quot Allen says Quot grieving for a pet is Normal. But you d be surprised How Many people think it in  Allen a former editor of dog fancy Magazine lives in Rosenbach West Germany Roar Ramstein a with her husband and two cats. Currently studying for a masters degree in counselling Allen recently gave a series of talks about pet ownership including dealing with a pet s death at the Ramstein a family support Center. Quot there s a lot it f i Don t want to even think about it Quot Allen said of people s attitudes toward pet deals. Quot that s a dangerous attitude because then there s no Chance to prepare yourself. Then you get into i la never have another dog because it hurts too  Quot in addition to her own common sons Cal advice Allen s chatty compassionate Book offers test it Monias from bereaved pet owners about the feelings stirred by their animals deaths their coping techniques and experiences. A she emphasizes the necessity of talking about the loss with family members if it was a family pet and of acknowledging one s feelings. Many pet owners tend not to talk about their pets death because they fear a often with Good reason a unsympathetic reactions from people who have never shared their lives with an animal. Often the first questions to someone who has just lost a belo\4sehpet Are Quot How much did it Cost was it a purebred Quot those questions angered Pam Gasper when buddy who Cost All of 20 Marks or $12.50 by current Exchange rate died. Quot he was a total Mutt Quot Gasper said Quot i done to care. It made me angry that people thought it was t important because he did t Cost a . The bereaved pet owner also worries that it May be Odd to mourn for an animal. Adult owners May think they Are too old to Grieve for a  if you love you love Quot Allen says Quot you done to prorate 2. 3.getting Over a pet s death Moira Allen recommends the following for dealing with a pets death 1. Try to restructure your time so that you have something to do when the pets old feeding and walking to mrs Roll around. Write a letter to your pet. Make a scrapbook with pictures or other souvenirs of your pets life with you. Have some Type of memorial Celebration for fido which formalizes the process of saying Good Bye and honouring your pet. Finch some kind of pet object that reminds you of your animal. For author Allen such an object was a cat statue that she keeps in her living room. Don t get a look alike pet. Quot thais like you Haven t really let your pet go Quot Allen says Don t give a new pet the same name As your deceased Friend. Don t compare a new pet to the old. Be sure you re ready for a new pet before you get one. 5. 8. 9. A amp a her s your love on How Many legs someone has. By grieving you re confirming the fact that you re human and that you love. A person who can t Grieve can to  animal owners experience the same passages of bereavement such As denial anger bargaining depression and acceptance Quot plus a few extra ones Quot Allen says As people who lose a relative or Friend. Feeling guilty is common when a pet Dies because humans Are so completely responsible for their animals Well being. If a pet has to be euthanized for instance pet owners worry that the animal could have been healed if Given the Chance. Or if a pet was hit by a car the pet owner chastises himself for letting it out of the House alone. Often those hardest hit by the loss of a pet Wilt be those who have a Fine through a number of significant life changes or hard times with their pet. The pet perhaps unlike other humans in the person s life has always been a supportive noncritical presence. For Eleanor a a bereaved pet owner from Iowa who contributed Allens Book such friends were her two dogs. X. Quot these two precious Best friends had seen me through two major cancer surgeries Quot Eleanor r. Wrote. Quot they had accepted me with one Eye and half my Coon removed with no questions no pity Only Joy that i was stil Alivel through my Long Wakeful nights they stayed at my Side Quot another woman whose siamese cat had been with her through a number of calamities including an unhappy love affair and being diagnosed with a major chronic illness admitted that she d Felt worse about her pets death than she did about the deaths of some relatives. Realizing that had stimulated More guilt feelings Over the cats demise. Quot i think that May be More typical than Many people would admit Quot she wrote. Allen suggests that pet owners who have suffered the death of a beloved animal can help others who experience a similar Joss by sending condolence or sympathy cards and by listening. Sharing horror stories of one s own pets miseries won t help however. Allen also urges friends of bereaved pet owners to avoid trying to Comfort with statements like Quot Yolk ii get another  Quot How Long is Normal to Grieve there a no real answer to that Quot alien says. Quot but you do get Over feeling so bad every Day of your  alien s Bock published under the name Moira and Oisin is sold for $8.45 by intrepid productions 1415 Blue Spruce Orno. 2, Foit Collins Colo. 80524 Page 16 the stars and stripes sunday july 1, 1990