European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 1, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse How i Learned to be a Leader editor s note Rob Staggenborg recently completed the army a primary leadership development course. Following arc some lighthearted impressions of what went on. Ichael Benson had found his calling. S be was Bart the cult hero of a the Simpsons a spiked hair sly smile the works. Give him a red shirt Black shorts a dad named Homer and a sister in anted Lisa Benson looked the part. He was infantry through and through. 1 was adjutant general. As i found myself amid a sea of military fanatics trudging away at the army s primary leadership development course Bart Benson was there to make my life a Little More miserable than it had already been. Lie yelled at me. A lot. More than beaded for. For those Lucky enough to trudge through four weeks of sheer enjoyment within the Stone Walls of Flint Cavern in bad Tot West Germany Jean Paul Sartre swords sounded loud and Clear. In his play a no exit Quot Sartre describes three people who find themselves locked in a hot Clammy room. By the end of the play they hate each other. Yes Jean Paul hell is other people a a. The sergeant first class stood in front of 160 clean shaven immaculately Dean students on a frosty april morning and uttered these infamous words to a groggy company a Quot sergeants a the instructor said. Quot i am a Hemo Rhoid. What is a Hemo Rhoid sergeants thais right a Hemo Rhoid is a pain in the a Quot at least the instructor was honest. For the initiated is a four week course aimed at transforming motor Pool specialists admin clerks communications specialists maps and other soldiers into sound competent non commissioned officers. The course teaches the Young troop about leaderships styles yell a lot and have Glass Bools land navigation subtitled a How to get lost in the Woods without even trying and teaching military classes a How to talk loudly so your students done to fall asleep Quot. A under our instructors influence dozens of fanatics were born within the Halls of the noncommissioned officer Academy. My Roommate a Dapper Young innocent named Lance Abbrederis fell under the spell. A no i done to want to go out for a smoke a the my from Pir Masens West Germany said to me in those Early Days a i d rather spend my time getting squared away a me personally. I smoked two just for spite. A our room shone. Our lockers were spotless. Our shoes a Black Chrome. The instructor found a Dustall anyway. I think it was planted. The next Day. Lance and 1 bought some preparation h a and More smokes. A the key to Surv iving this abyss they Call Ploc 1 found is to turn off All voluntary brain functions and rely solely on your inv Jun Lary instincts. In other words done to think. S a re Taegu n m a k Misc Rise h e Sec o n d wee k. My fellow students were gelling on my nerves. You can Only shut a pair of boots so much. Yei my comrades made it a Point to critique my Shine. A needs said David Hull of Miessau. A a it a is a a. A j /. A. It a. A d a t % a a. >.�?z�. K f r a a a. A a a i. E a a is j a i1 Ltd a t re if. A i a a a a a a Quot a. A t ,-.to v a. F a v i-1 a a r a. jubilant Rob Staggenborg holding his certificate of completion celebrates the end of the course after marching with fellow squad members below to the presentation. A amps Vince Craw Lov West Germany. He was one of the few sane ones around me. A did you Shine those a Bart asked just for spite. Learned a very valuable lesson through these episodes done to argue. If you can t dazzle them with brilliance baffle them with something profound. / a what is the ultimate Shine has anyone i reached the Pinnacle of a shined my Quot it got them thinking which was a dangerous thing. A. A Quot Quot a a they made us March which to some walking pieces of Granite like myself was a dangerous act. 1 really do know my left from my tight but by watching my left flanking movements you could never even More disastrous than my marching was my ability to March troops. The instructors threw Gomer Pyles like me in front of 16 sets of glazed eyes and expected me to yell cadence. 1 marched them into the Wall i did it correctly though. No one was injured. That says a lot a. As the Story goes the spirit of Fritz lives in the Academy. Fritz was a nazi is officer who trained and subsequently died on Flint Cavern Home of the nazi s is training school. One instructor contends that Fritz is still alive a in spirit. At night Fritz patrols the third floor Hall Way scuffing the floor tossing dust balls in the Corners and dumping trash All Over the place. Supposedly there w Ere sightings of the Guy a a few classes ago a but then again everything happened a a few classes ago a the w Oman who Odd on Viva Ria the couple who wait and the Guy that spotted a wild boar must have been in the same class. My Best guest is that Fritz patrols the laundry roam a Here Are four washers for roughly 75 people. Fritz broke two of them he also stole a sock from every Load and remove he heating elements from the dryers laundry was a sign or Comfort. have that. Looking Back on it All i ask myself was it Worth it i Don t know. I Learned a lot about the idiocy of the military a Loi about other people and a lot about myself there arc methods to unde Sam s madness f though they Don t follow the strict rules of logic i sure it Mav be w degrees outside but we had better put our sleeves Down in Case the ice age makes a Cameo around 5 . Her s mean i 700 hours 1 also Learned that do in of soldiers live a mundane existences wit Jtb real purpose. The army is what matters. _ a i did some soul searching. I realized that 1 smell real i v had utter spending four Days in the Field with no Jsu it i Aei lilies. But then a in so did the i 5 9 others a especially Bari he ribs a 3c a a tit a a i it a amp a they made us March which to some walking pieces of Granite Tike myself was a dangerous act. Roll Callol characters Here were i a of us in All a dirty bakery a do Eri if you will. wore third platoons third. Squad. We leaned on each other Quot we High five with each other we were at s neck. A we were a Cross Section of the army. If. This is what the army offers watch out and Pray for peace Abbrederis Lance aka an m p front some god forsaken she near pit masons. West Germany. Abbs earned ins nickname from his fellow Baker boys. He protested the nickname so it stuck. Danger oils with a Bic. Lighter Barnes i hymns a k it served a proudly As the student first sergeant. Lot to yell a lot which he seemed to enjoy his to Ben Kingsley s depiction of the famous Indian Leader provoked his Mck name. Benson Michael a., aka a Burt a crusty airborne infantry Type out of Vicenza Italy Bari made us feel like the peons we were. Close res Emblem in the world class underachiever and slav of Quot the Simpsons a thus the nickname. Crandall Jeff aka Quot Sain Drueker Quot one of these military intelligence kinds who could never talk about his Job. Fonner air Force Guy who saved my life during inspections. Inspector would Eye the Usan ribbons get confused and forget to gig me for. Having my Zipper undone. Culp Sheryl a k a quiet smiled a lot. One of the few who laughed at my jokes. Worked As a patient admin clerk but never lost a step on the Road marches. Showed signs of weakness by washing her hair while in the Field. Harding Rob aka Quot Uelk yelled at me once in the Field. Volatile individual who would accuse his Peers of breathing All his air. Exposed the cake dryer concept a the mess Halls invention that absorbed All moisture from its pastries a giving new meaning to the term a sponge Huff David aka Quot James one of the few people who did t take the Tad Ness so seriously. Shined his boots to near perfection which made everyone violently ill. A /. _ a. Junod Stephen aka did no to say much which was a Good thing called his Girlfriend every night which was the subject of ridicule. A medic he operated on a few blisters for me. , Keith aka a a we Vii lie Wasny to smiling he was sleeping. Nun be Wasny to sleeping he was smiling. Won the award Tor having the nicest uniform and answering the commandants questions. Rundel Erie aka the Only person in be Ever met from Cakmak i Turkey. Never had a cigarette. Smith Kita aka a comma meat ions Type Kepi quiet until the last week when she made it known just How much she hated All of us. Me aka a Stag or la Steve Quot they haled me. Called melt. Steve because Tike the lieutenant on a Good morning Vietnam Quot i knew How to Tell a Good joke. Tinsley Ken aka a gunnery sgt. a former Marine corps infantryman Highway was deadly with a Mouthful of Copenhagen juice. Maximum effective Range three meters. A a a Rob Staggenborg a j i Epe r 1 of Page 6 sunday u. I1 1 m \ a fatal sunday c Page 7
