European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 1, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Some see in a John Windrow i went into the convenience store across the Street the other Day to buy provisions cokes cigarettes potato chips when what to my wondering eyes should appear but a sports Magazine looking for All the world like a skin Magazine. It was a swimsuit Issue designed to fan men s lust during the Winter months when we All tend to get a bit sluggish Ampf a to suck Gold into the coffers of the publisher. Some naive members of the Public May assume men who read swimsuit issues Are sophisticated sensitive men of the 90s who have a Lively interest in ladies swimwear but i know this for what it is. These magazines Appeal to lust pure and simple and they arc an insult to worn manhood. As usual i refused to buy one. I just pawed through it like a drooling maniac while the clerk rang up my Sale. What brought this to mind is an article in my newspaper s hey what s happening ainu to this Cool Section. It used to be the women a Section but we dare not Call it that anymore because we re afraid of the feminists who get really rious about that. -.�n. The article is by Patricia Mclaughlin of the Philadelphia inquirer its about menus swimsuits. We ran it next to a photo of a Guy in Blue \ Center piece and yellow trunks he son his Knees with his Chest stuck out his stomach sucked in his hands folded behind his hips and his biceps discreetly flexed. In other words he looks a perfect fool. His eyes have a Dopey faraway gaze As if he just drove 15 Miles to the Beach and left the suntan ointment on top of the refrigerator. This is not to cast aspersions on the mod whom 1 assume was Well paid for his Effort. Any Man who poses in a swimsuit is going to look like he a seen too Many spartacus movies. 1 remember with great fondness my first swimsuit. It was clean lined elegant flexible and Light As a Feather. Cheap too it was nothing at All in the wilds of Tennessee we swam naked. We swam in Ponds lakes Rivers and creeks. In those ancient times swimming pools were not for the common people. Pools were for movie stars who of course wore very expensive swimsuits. They had to. They had their pictures taken wherever they went. 1 converted to swimsuits when one of my older cousins told me a blood curdling lie about a boy swimming naked and a snapping Turtle. You probably can surmise the details. My Cousin told me the lad had been bitten on a particularly sensitive portion of his person. The lie made a be i Ever out of me. I started wearing cutoff jeans into the old swimming Hole. This was the same relative who later talked me into making water on an electric Fence which was one of the most surprising experiences of my tender years. When i recovered i realized he had deceived me about the killer snapper As Well. Its a wonder i did no to grow up with some Type of horrible Complex in her article is. Mclaughlin says women cannot abide men in Bikini swimsuits. Being a journalist she needlessly underscores the Hila. Rious juxtaposition that men Are not offended by women in bikinis. The women she interviewed said menus bikinis Are too revealing Tacky Sleazy Rob Staggenborg in cover photo by fellow stars and stripes reporter Vince Craw Ley takes a lighthearted look at the army leadership development course he recently completed. Pages 6 and 7, contents Back Home. 2 swimsuit analysts arc All wet stateside views. 3 Light look at what s almost news observations .4 second Chance for recycling dropout. How do you celebrate july fourth abroad trends. 5 poor Penny has few defenders phone services let fingers do talking books 8-9 Hollywood Mak ing stars of writers i a cleans up its memo language science and the world .,10 hew perspective on tyrannosaurus at a glance Greece Odds amp ends.11 where lost household goods go miss manners and Horoscope last laugh. 12 Dave Barry cartoons from around the world a tyrannosaurus Skeleton is changing researcher s views on the giant creature. Page 10. Indecent French aggressive and presumptuous. The presumptuous criticism meant that men who Parade about in these Clingy garments assume that women would swoon Over them i agree wholeheartedly. Any Man who would Wear a Bikini swimsuit in Public is a Fop a coxcomb a Dandy and an unbearable dude and should be lashed. _ women of course May Wear bikinis on the Beach secure in the knowledge that the men will do Bac flips. At the risk of making the be pianists furious again 1 feel compelled to Point out that this is because men and women Are different. It is one of the immutable Laws of  i must take Issue with is. Mclaughlin on one Point. The women she interviewed want to have it both ways. All folks do its another one of the immutable Laws of nature they make mock of men for trying to look alluring on the Beach and then get upset because men act As if they done to care How they look on the Beach. They moan about the agony women go through buying a swimsuit compared to How easy it is for men since the Bagger the better As far As menus suits Are concerned. One woman said a men done to care. They Don t even try to hold their stomachs  for some of us men drinking Beer is a very important activity at the Beach. Looking at women in their bikinis is Numero Uno but drinking Beer is a close Numero Dos. You Ever try to drink Beer and hold your stomach in at the same time besides some ladies i know say that while men put on weight in the general area of the stomach for women the same thing tends to happen in the general area of the hips. Do women go to the Beach and try to hold their hips in 1 hardly think so. Johnnj Rudrow is a former stars and stripes editor now working at the Minne Epolis Star Tribune. _ / buried in pennies and done to know w hat to do with them you re not alone. Page 5. Sunday is a weekly supplement of the stars and stripes. Editor John Taylor Art director Peter Jacger makeup editor Lisa Williams \ Page 2 c sunday july 1,1990