European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - September 8, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Raising a beef Over Britain a mad cow disease Patrick Mckenna guest columnist ten years ago if i went into the local Mcdonald a and ordered a big Mac i Wasny to thinking about cholesterol. I did no to know what it was. If someone had told me my two All beef patties were oozing with cholesterol i probably would be said a so that a what they put into the special  nowadays i think about cholesterol a lot and in a still not Clear what it is. I know its bad for you clogs your arteries and is in the Best tasting food. I live in the United kingdom now which  affect my beef consumption but Here i think twice before ordering a Burger. It s not the nebulous cholesterol Content i worry about. Its whether ill come Down with a Case of mad cow disease. No joke. The cows Over Here arc Barking a make that mooing a mad and some Here Are afraid the disease can be passed to humans. The scientific term is called Bovine spongiform encephalopathy be for Short and it can transform a cows brain into Mushy sponge cake. It has killed More than 13,000 British animals since May 1986, officials say. Cow scientists say the deranged cattle get infected by eating sheets brains which leaves me questioning their sanity in the first place. The cows i mean. Anyway you a think the rational health con from the cover .4-6 getting Frankfurt a show on the Road. Andy Rooney .7 no use fighting injuries. Books and language.8-9 liftoff for another Quot Star i Tun a Story. Odds amp ends .10 Cindy Chambers debates for a Way out. To plus.11 print television reporters team  listings 12-14 Load Cable and satellite schedules. Sunday is a weekly supplement of the Slars and stripes editor Bucky Fox Art direction Peter Jaeger production Lisa Williams kid trial assistance Marian Hamilton  Pierce scions Bovine would want to stick to a sensible Low cholesterol diet and fill his four stomachs with oat bran lentils and fish. But these cows like to Graze on the wild Side a hanging out in All the wrong pastures going on Joy stampedes chewing cud with their Mouths open having the names of easy cows branded on their hindquarters. Yet sadly As a result of their racy lifestyle these poor steers Are doomed to a life of insanity. Plagued by hallucinations schizophrenia megalomania and other psychoses too numerous to mention Here these creatures Are unlikely to be homogenized into Normal society. Instead they re herded off to the county loony barn where they Are caged like the animals they Are and subjected to experimental Bov Psychia try to include past urian analysis and the controversial electro prod therapy. To allow this inhumane treatment to continue would be a great injustice. Sure we in great Britain could ban All beef products. But that would be too easy plus wed be putting a lot of hard working class cows in the Dole line. Heck their Only fault is they re the cow equivalent of Charles Manson. So in be proposed to my British neighbors they make mad cow disease beef their first Choice at the meat counter. Why not ask for it by name at the Butcher a could i have a Pound of roast beef and could you make that lean and loony please a or in the fast food restaurant a a in la have a Large chocolate shake Fries and a six piece Box of beef Mcnut ters with the psycho  i know what your thinking a a a won to the British Public be at risk by eating this infected meat a All i can say is a who do i look like Marcus Welby m.d.7�?� of sure its risky. But Isnit life a big game of russian Roulette the Ink on this article could be emitting dangerous carcinogenic death rays at you this moment and probably is. But most things in life Arentt Good for you. Bad things usually Are what we enjoy most. I figure there a a group of government funded scientists working in North Dakota who every time they catch wind we re starting to enjoy something like Ben amp Jerry s ice Cream they com i n i s on the tube. 15 Light s Back on for Quot night court. A Home entertainment .16 a dances with wolves Quot rides into video land. Joe Bob Briggs .17 impressing women can be bruising. This weeks films .18-19 Chuck Vinch Quot body parts missing some. Complete cafes circuit listings. Classified ads .20-23 last laugh .24 no Garden party for Dave Barry. Gather a truckload of innocent Laboratory mice and overdose them with something that is normally Safe if Given in mouse size portions. Official government funded scientists findings a initially the control group appeared to tolerate the Ben amp Jerry Scherry Garcia Frozen Dairy substance attacking it in a drugged frenzy. But after several hours of treading in the melting concoction they appeared to be disoriented and listless. Eventually All mice succumbed to the noxious ingredients and were asphyxiated sinking to the Bottom of the Petri vat. Conclusion Ben amp. Jerry a ice Cream is not recommended for human consumption but tastes  i figure we should do and eat whatever we like and if it feels Good we shoot a mouse. It should save a lot of taxpayer dollars. Back to beef the situation Isnit As grave As i initially feared. The mad cow threat Hasni to made front Page Hadl incs in National tabloids in recent months but neither has word of a cure. According to the meat and livestock commission red meats voice in parliament lean red meat makes a a healthy body  or at least that a what the commission would have the British Public believe and it has spent about �1.5 million More than $2.5 million trying to convince everyone of such. Minister of agriculture John Gummer even had his cute Pixie of a daughter Chow Down a Burger for the Media which is proof enough for me to buy a Side of beef and have a Barbecue. A the Rabid ribs Are ready come and get Mem before they get you a come to think of it barbecuing meat is another thing that a supposed to be bad for you. What a the world coming to what a left to eat that wont kill us maybe mice or better yet scientists. Patrick Mckenna la an air Force staff sergeant with the 81s tac fighter Wing Public affairs office at Raf Ben Waters England. Send in your column plus a photo of yourself to be our guest sunday Magazine the stars and stripes Apo 09211 or Postrach 11 14 37, d-6100 Darmstadt 11, Germany. Paramount pc turn Frank Mancus or. Jeff Fahey is armed in body parts. Page 19. Sunday september 8, 1991