European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - September 8, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse Joe Bob goes to the drive in Rhow to capture women a hearts bowl Mem Over somebody sent me a copy of this new a Book How to get the women you desire into bed by Ross Jeffries which guarantees that if you follow the Steps in the Book any woman will Start whimpering like a wounded Puppy every time you enter the room. I realized you probably already have your own copy but i have additional advice caused by a recent experience with Wanda boding. Sec the whole Point of the Book is you have to become a Manly Man. The first night i put this idea into practice i was planning on taking Wanda Bodine to my favorite night spot Grapevine All Star lanes and cocktails. When we got there this Guy named Charles who drives the Golf cart they sell Beer out of made a disparaging remark about Wanda shot pants being fire engine red. Actually they were not fire engine red. They were Candy Apple red. After All Wanda is a league Bowler. But that s not the Point. The Point is that i decided to Deal with this situation in a Manly manner. So i beat Charles up. Wanda was impressed. It was working. She said a a you be never been so chivalrous so i use this technique for 10 minutes and already she notices my chivalrous ass. Next thing you know we re locked in deadly Battle with a Bowling team called the dancing asthmatics and the dancing asthmatics Are up by about 100 pins and in a thinking a if there a one thing a woman can to stand its a Man who can to bowl with so i beat up Waldo who Hofstatter grins at me and says to Wanda. Quot what if the two of us fight for the right to take you Home a a v in a thinking. Quot what kind of ridiculous Deal is this from the 13th Century ? fight to take her Home a and i m laughing. Then Wanda says a i think that would be it was then at that moment that i realized what i had to do. A you can have her Quot i told him. Women invented this Macho stuff. Do you realize this we get beat up and they enjoy it. Speaking of women who like to use cattle prods Fabiana Denio gives another Sleazy disgusting performance As a $1,000 Hooker in diplomatic immunity As the Girlfriend of a paraguayan son of a Dominatrix who lives in an Island Castle and. Well. I want to marry this woman. This is one of the Best action pictures of the year. Bruce Bolc incr gets a Little hacked off when his daughter is raped killed and mutilated by a Pervert who wants to take pictures of her body Yuk land then the murderer is arrested and released a because he has a diplomatic passport. You would think that after they explained the Law to Bruce he would understand Why they can to just go around arresting paraguayan diplomats just because they get a Little Rowdy. But Nooroo. Bruce has to hop a plane to Paraguay get help from a Weir Beard arms dealer guest performance by Bill Drago. And then Start rappelling off buildings and attacking fortresses until the ultimate showdown a with Meg Foster Nineteen dead bodies. Two breasts. Five motor vehicle chases. Two gun Battles. Exploding car. Mutilation. Strangulation. Cattle prod attack. Knife throwing. Drive in Academy award nominations. For Robert Forster As the Cia Goon for saving Quot you have tangled with delicate taker who has a 174 average. Waldo never could get Back the full use of his right Arm and so m the final and deciding game he bowled a 42. And now Wanda is very impressed. A i like a Man who takes what he wants Quot she said breathlessly. Finally i have Wanda exactly where i want her. We re in the eleventh Frame cocktail lounge about to do some serious Whitney Houston body grinding on the dance floor when in walks this Guy called Hugh a the hunks Hofstatter. I knew he was Gonna be trouble. He walks up to Wanda Steps right in front of me and says a a who a the Dork a As you can Sec the situation is a Little complicated because he a not talking to me he stalking to Wanda. And Wanda says a a he a not a i was All pumped up from Reading the Book so i said a a in a the Dork. I mean in a not a Dork but i am the Dork for the purposes of this conversation because you referred to me As a Dork and to simplify matters i will acknowledge that you were referring to me when you used the political threats Fabiana Denio for her two enormous talents Meg Foster or dying with a Harpoon through her Chest and Tom Bresnahan As the sle Zeball German mamas psycho killer for saying a i done to think the artist has Ever seen terror real four stars. Joe Bob says Check it bobs advice to the hopeless Republican Alert they re trying to turn the Kailua drive in in Honolulu into a Golf driving Range. James w. Bennett is appalled and reminds us that without eternal vigilance it can happen Here. Dear Joe Bob thanks for the letter and words of encouragement after i let you know that you had made the women a studies department enemies list Here at Cal state stanislaus. I thought id let you know How things turned out. Fortunately we had a few people on Campus who recognized satire and stood up to defend it but even that did no to Stop the Calls for decency i right creator sort Tom and respect in the student newspaper. So we escalated the conflict. We did a special Issue entered around All the censorship issues going on nationwide. We tried hard to present that Issue in such a Way that for our critics to continue to argue for the removal of your column from the paper they would have to argue for censorship As a philosophy. It worked. The criticism stopped at least for now. Later i saw your answer to someone w to wrote asking How to fight censors and you said Quot Spray paint on i like that. The faithful thank you. Steve Elliott editor the signal c Alifornia slate University. Stanislaus Turlock. Calif. Dear Steve 1 keep thinking that someday All these censors will die. Where did All the Republican babies come from dear Joe Boh my Friend Sean and i Are having an argument on the Joe Bob rating system jars. Our question is Quot do cartoon breasts count a a this question developed alter me trying to write a review of fantasia. There Are. In my opinion eight Centaur breasts in this movie. He says there Are no breasts in this movie. Who is Correct your biggest and i do mean big i an Justin Edolson Cooper City Fla. Dear , the proper name for the Centaur appendages in fantasia is there Are 11 of them. And yes of course they count. They done to Call it f Antasia for nothing. To Joe Bob in a trying to determine what Are the lop 10 Gross out drive in movies by All Lime. Could you help me Jack Delisle Taunton. Mass. Dear Jack my votes would go to i be 11 raise r demons blood feast make them die slowly Lisa she Wolf the . dead from beyond faces of death i sit on your grave two thousand maniacs to discuss the meaning of life with Joe Bob. Or to get tree Unk n the mail and Joe Bob s world famous we Are the weird newsletter. Write p o Box 2002, Dallas to 75221. Or tax him at 214 368 2310september 8 1991 sunday a
