European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - March 22, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse Voice the dysfunctional tilt of hoppers a Back track Joe Bob Briggs goes to the drive in you notice How everybody uses this word a a dysfunctional All the time like a a you re dysfunctional a a i was in a very dysfunctional translation he was a Jerk a i grew up in a dysfunctional translation we yelled a lot but the ones that get me Are the people who Are proud of it. They want you to know just How dysfunctional they Are. Tell you How they were Sootoo dysfunctional that it shaped their personality forever and so now never be Able to have a lasting relationship because blah blah blah and they keep changing the color of their hair because this dysfunctional thing happened and they re insecure now and blah blah blah and keep using this word like a a in a dysfunctional and my family was dysfunctional and in a attracted to dysfunctional people a and after a while you Wanna say a Why done tall you dysfunctional get up a softball team or something a As my grandpa used to say a that boy needs a anyhow listen to me when you re 14 years old maybe you can blame your parents for doing All this dysfunctional stuff that screwed you up. When you re 34 years old you Are what a known in America As a you can to blame it on them anymore understand speaking of All the reasons we think up to have Kinky sex there a this movie called Back track that Dennis Hopper directed and starred in about three years ago and it has had two or three different versions and now its coming out on video in its entirety something called the a Complete directors we have some major dysfunctional sex going on Here. Hopper is a Hitman hired to kill Jodie Foster an a environmental artist who witnessed a mob shooting. But most of the time he just stares at polaroids of her in her underwear and makes squeaky noises on a Tenor saxophone. Next he starts stealing her lingerie so that when he finds her he can handcuff her put a gun to her head and dress her up like a Hooker. That a not the Kinky part though. The Kinky part is she likes it. Remember How Creepy he was in Blue velvet this time he a off the scale. Twenty four dead bodies. Two breasts. Totem pole burning. Throat slashing. Aardvark ing. Gratuitous argument Over a what is Art a the Only movie Ever made that portrays a Man throwing snowballs a hostess snowballs. Gratuitous Vincent Price. Handcuff fun. Exploding refinery. Drive in Academy award nominations for Bob Dylan As a Chainsaw artist for having no reason to be in this movie but doing it anyway Foster for putting on six different outfits from victorians secret and saying a men have no imagination and big Dennis the Kinkiest Man alive for saying a a there a something going on Here that i really done to understand but i like exactly four stars. Joe Bob says Check it out. Joe bobs advice to the hopeless Republican Alert the Sunset drive in at Highway 113 and county Road 27 in Davis Calif., is Jodie Foster Dennis Hopper in Back track. Being eyed like raw meat by local vulture developers. Fortunately the current plan to turn it into a miniature Golf course driving Range batting Cage facility and Arcade is Gonna be denied because it might a a Impact the endangered Swainson a Hawk. In a not making this up. Tell these people to let it be a dad blamed drive in like god intended and the Hawks can dive bomb the hot dog stand for All we care. Michael Finnegan of Davis reminds us that without eternal vigilance it can happen Here. Dear Joe Bob. As a doctoral student in medieval literature i have been puzzled by an intellectual conundrum that has doubtless troubled you too. The subject a Friday the 13th, parts one through Infinity. The question a Jason Voorhees Why a dutch Guy i think in be found the answer in an essay on medieval dutch drama a the lovers. Grow passionate and Send the Winnekins tempter commentators away so that they May be alone together. A curtain is drawn Over their subsequent activities. The Winnekins. Ultimately decide to interrupt the lovers by opening the curtain but when they do a terrifying sight is revealed a death with a Spear about to Stab the embracing couple in flagrant Delict. A looks like the ultimate origin of one of the a a seminal drive in murders of our time if you know what i mean and i would postulate that you do. James Mcclis . University of Washington Seattle dear professor Jimbo it just makes me puke that Paramount pictures would go to the dutch medieval research Library like that rip off a Story capitalize on it exploit actors with it and run around Delict ing everyone a flagrant. You mean a Guy that sick is not even american in a having trouble with editor san Francisco chronicle its no wonder that Joe Bob Briggs becomes hysterical when he hears Roberty Blyus vision of maleness. I mean Briggs is about As sensitive As an aluminium foil condom. . Is so desensitized that the Only things that excite him Are Chain sawed breasts and a amp a images. Instead of wallowing in the rancid stench of the Bush hell realm of cruelty and corpses i Hope he will Wake up and smell the roses. Jim Mccann Santa Cruz Calif. Dear Jimbo i am violently opposed to cruelty and corpses. However i help wondering what your head would look like on a stick. Creators Syndicate to discuss the meaning of life with Joe Bob or to get tree junk in the mall and Joe Bob s world famous we Are the weird newsletter write Joe Bob Briggs . Box 2002, Dallas to 75221. Joe Bob s lax line is always open 214-368-2310.Beatty babied into marriage what a scream by Robin abcarian los Angeles times i am As tired of hearing about Warren Beatty a conversion from legendary swordsman to doting family Man As i am of Elizabeth Taylor a excessive celebrations of her every rite of passage. Warren you were a lot More interesting when you were a mystery. I think its just swell that Beatty and Annette Ben ing celebrated nuptials Post child. Every baby with Loving financially secure legally interdependent parents is Lucky indeed. But their knot tying is interesting Only in that imagining How the pc Nup might read makes for a Good parlor game. Still there a no escaping the news. You cannot dismiss Beatty a Domestic arrangements in the same Way that you cannot dismiss Hugh Hefner a. Neither was just a Bachelor. They were icons for a certain segment of american manhood holdouts against the potential tedium of domesticity warriors against the greatest insult of All sexual slowdown. Now they re just a couple of goofy daddies. Eras have ended and Warren Beatty we re not about to let them pass without a fuss monumental movement requires social analysis. When it was announced recently that Beatty had ended 54 years of single Dom the phone rang for shrink for All seasons or. Joyce Brothers. A miss Bening found the one Way of pinning him Down because he would have been a Bachelor forever if it Wasny to for this baby a the psychologist announced to one wire service reporter. A it was the Only Way to Hook a wily Trout. She has found the most irresistible bait a a Little girl. The present of sex is something that goes away but the present of a warm and Loving baby especially a Little girl is a wily Trout sounds like the Good doctor needs her head examined. Reinforcing the idea that Annette Bening women trap men into marriage by dangling baby bait is dangerous no matter How much Lacy sentiment you dress it up in. In one fell swoop it insults women who Are often wooed Down the aisle by eager bridegrooms and ignores and demeans the desires of men. And the notion that a baby girl is somehow More tantalizing to a once womanizing daddy than a baby boy is kind of Creepy when you think about it. Fortunately the doctor was in when i called. A Cdr. Brothers done to you think what you said about Warren Beatty getting married sounds a Little a sexist a she asked brightly. a ooh no not at All a she said. A they left out the non sexist part. A the a non sexist part a she explained is that Bening not Only wants her Man but loves him too. It is a grand assertion in this Day and age that the brides hand is at the grooms Back pushing All the Way to the altar. In every wedding in be seen she a the last one Down the aisle. He a already standing there waiting. Unda Elloree is on vacation her column returns net Wook March 22, 1992 sunday a Page 19
