European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - March 22, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse Words and wit having a fit when sentences and clauses done to James j. Kilpatrick the writer s Art As arrangement a said the girl at the florists shop Quot is she was putting together Cut Flowers for a catered dinner a and the rosebuds had to be just so. Watching her work i found a lesson for writers. Syntax is the Art of arranging words. Believe me syntax is everything. A staff writer for the Muskogee okla daily Phoenix had a Little trouble with syntax in covering a Spring festival in Honor Heights Park. Quot Concession stands Selling potted azaleas and portable toilets were in it seems unlikely. The monthly bulletin of Trinity evangelical Church in Redlands calif., carried an interesting notice Quot we Are in need of a place to House sit after we Are married temporarily in thinking of classified ads the owner of a siberian husky advertised in the Terre haute ind Tribune Star. The missing dog had a left Eye Blue right Eye Brown Blue Eye has spot of Brown in it and Long in the Stuart Fla news readers Learned of a a disabled woman looking for very Large men or women a in Lakeland Fla., a shop named double exposure announced that it specializes in a used women a there a another shop for striped women a blouses. In Las vegas the review Roumal carried an article on the construction of Nevada a new supreme court building in Carson City. A the $22 million Structure includes a Shower for each Justice and will bring More respect to the High now there is a thought to brighten the Day. The Palm Beach Fla Post provided an item in december about the late Robert Maxwell. Police were looking for $900 million a taken in the weeks before the tycoon died from pension funds and companies he arrangement i say again is everything. Social notes from All Over the Tucson Ariz citizen carried an item in january about Model Jerry Hall and rolling Stone Mick Jagger. She was about to set a record a shall is expecting her third child by Jagger within 48 in Greenville ., a staff writer for the news covered a controversy Over Freedom of the press a a Clemson University Extension service writer has advised sexually Active girls to carry condoms in her weekly question and answer Well a girl has to carry them somewhere. Writers can get into syntactical trouble by mixing metaphors with hackneyed phrases. In Columbia ., the director of the state research and statistical services division commented on a Battle Over academic turf. If South Carolinas universities want a supercomputer they had better Stop bickering about a site a a we re raising it to a level playing Field up front so hopefully there wont be any behind the scenes going on unilaterally that put the legislature in a quandary last the same problem cropped up in the Myrtle Beach Sun news. A 17-year-old boy died last summer in a fall from a Ferris wheel. An investigator for the state labor department concluded that the youth caused the Accident by rocking the car. The family lawyer said he was disappointed by the report a i was afraid the rooster guarding the Henhouse concept was going to Rule out in the end and that a what the associated press provided a photo of guests attending a fashion show in new York memorializing the late designer Willi Smith. The show was to Benefit the fight against aids. The Apps photo caption began with a dangling clause and slipped downhill from there a since he died of the disease mayor David Dinkins has designated a rotating Holiday in Honor of the clauses and phrases will do it to a writer every time. To guide carried an interview in december with actor Charles Bronson. He was the 11 the of 15 children born in Pennsylvania to an illiterate Coal Miner. A at age 13, his widowed Mother desperate for Money sold him to a Farmer in upstate new from Seattle comes word that the Bureau of Indian affairs is handing record keeping responsibilities to individual tribes. At present the Bureau a must store the overflow paperwork created by self governance in the menus arrangement it s everything. Universal press Syndicate computer bytes Man and other sickening turnoff up 5fe1 Tony Kornheiser from time to time 1 like to use this space to Deal with the Complex issues of the Day and one that strikes me As something we need to understand better is the Law of the sea treaty. So let me run you through a Short history of the negotiations beginning with the crucial dutch provisional herring act of 1954 that codified the amount of fresh chum a fully equippkkmmpp28f7ddkkk5s8$$ffpt. Komi Medei Werhand whoa i must have caught a computer virus 1 made it past March 6, so it can to be the Michelangelo virus which was a tempest in a Teapot anyway the Only known disruption of computer service came when a Utah Man who had been speaking to his Mother in a nursing Home suddenly found himself patched into Larry King live where he stammered a bit before asking Larry a guest William Shatner if that was his real hair or a weasel nesting on his head. My screen Hasni to turned Blue and my is Haven to been grotesquely separated so it can to be the Picasso virus. And there Are no Raunchy pictures on my screen so it can to be the Mapplethorpe virus. What a wonderful term that is a computer do of put some Vapo rub in the room or is there a prescription drug when people use cold medicines they re warned not to operate heavy machinery. What a the Label on computer Contact Don t interface with Over 12 my ram a Here a a preventive Medicine question for the �?T90s should i put a condom on my Modem what if your computer does no to really have a virus what if its just a hypochondriac and you Logon and it says a boy do 1 have a what if its in a Cranky virus induced mood and when you ask for information it responds a ooh or. Big shot wants me to drop everything and retrieve his precious pie graphs. Why should you care How i feel you re Young you re healthy a we need this a computer with the attitude of a Brooklyn grandmother what if these viruses spread to other machines can you imagine the shame a a teen Ager bopping Down the Street blasting his Boom Box and a virus hits and he has Barry Manilow singing Mandy at 7,000 decibels i done to worry about my Home computer catching a Sims. This is because in be rarely touched my Home computer. I turn it on and a message flashes that says something like a please input Access so i turn it off. I have this dread it s going to out everything i have stored in my brain a which at this Point is limited to the lyrics from Gerry amp the pacemakers greatest hits. When people ask me How i like my computer i say it has changed my life. And it has. I feel a lot stupider now. When i want a state of the Art a i ask aaa for driving directions to a museum. In a not computer literate. In a still working on How a thermos can keep hot drinks hot and cold drinks cold. How does it know if i need to see my tax records i get them the old fashioned Way i phone my accountant in prison. I done to need software to write a letter. Its terribly provincial i know but i still own a pen and some paper. But i envy people who can program their computers to do almost everything but take the dog for a walk. When i hear their conversations about a downloading the byte function off the mainframe a i feel like a 12-year-old listening to the High school kids talk about sex. In be had to master the rudiments of computers for work but if i try to do anything fancy like put a phrase in italics this is what Happy opens. I done to mean to dismiss computer viruses. They can be terrifying a especially if they attack Airport computers. The last thing on Earth you want to hear is an air traffic controller telling your Pilot a a there a a computer virus going around and so in a not completely sure about this but you Are either cleared to land or you re about to slam into mount hackers the Graffiti artists of technology keep coming up with new viruses. This week a Batch of new ones showed up in Honor of the election Campaign a the Clinton virus a where the computer automatically adds the words a fall that you can be after the word a the Tsongas virus a which puts a a a to in front of All words that begin with a is a so you get sentences like a a Sally sold Tsea shells by the Tsea a the Cuomo virus a where you sit in front of the screen All Day and nothing happens. A the Quayle virus a where suddenly Nintendo Golf comes on screen. A the Buchanan virus a which isolates All references to America. A the Bush virus a where your verbs disappear. A Accurio uphhtfgfgrr9d3quphftt and i Hope that clarifies the Law of the sea treaty to your satisfaction. Next week the difference Between the Sherman and the Clayton antitrust acts. Creators Syndicate Page 20 a sunday March 22, 1992
