European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - March 22, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Las talking with big names can make you feel Small today s social topic is How to make Small talk with famous people. You never know when you re going to be on an elevator or in a Public restroom and suddenly realize you re standing next to a famous person such As Walter Cronkite or the Pope. When this happens the important thing is to remain Calm act Normal and make an appropriate remark such As a who v about those Sacramento Kings your holiness a or Quot Walter Cronkite you re still alive a the problem is that you can to always on the Spur of the moment think of remarks As appropriate As those sometimes you panic and find yourself Init lying remarks so inane that you would be embarrassed to say them to your dog. Your dog would look at you and think a i May lick myself in Public but id never say anything As stupid As  1 had this very problem recently when i found myself attempting to make Small talk with Barbara Bush. I swear i am not making this up. It happened in new Hampshire Back in february when mrs Bush was campaigning for her husband George. He was also in new Hampshire that Day campaigning with Arnold Schwarzenegger on the inspirational theme Quot Trust us America we re Rich men who talk funny Quot mrs. Bush meanwhile was going around in her own motorcade and i had decided to spend the afternoon Riding along in the press Van. We motor ended to receptions at three Large Republican Homes one of which had a welcoming display out front consisting of two Golf carts with american flags on them. It was very attractive although it did serve As a sobering reminder that in these troubled economic times there Are american families in poorer areas that arc Down to just the one Golf cart. Inside each Home was a capacity crowd of new Hampshire republicans engaging in typical gop reception activities such As slam dancing and getting their noses pierced. No of course i am kidding. They were standing around wearing ties and dresses and being pillars of the Community and talking about what a Lovely Home it was. I made a mental note never to hold a reception for the first lady at our House because i done to think it could stand the scrutiny. Wed never get through the secret services plumbing Security Check. A this is Blue Rover a an agent would be saying into his wrist microphone while using his other hand to draw his gun. A i have a hostile fungus condition Here on the main Hall  but these Lovely Homes were All clean enough to perform surgery in and the people were All thrilled to see mrs. Bush and there were Little sandwiches and pastries that even the press was allowed to eat. So i was definitely enjoying myself until we got to the last House where mrs. Bush met briefly with the press in an upstairs study. Her official photographer lined us up for a group photograph and i wound up standing right next to the first lady the two of us sort of facing each other and i was seized by the overpowering feeling that i should say something. I could feel my brain in there flailing away trying to think of something that mrs. Bush and i have in common and i heard myself saying a i shop in the same supermarket As your son  a big Deal a said mrs. Bush no in a sure she thought that but what she said politely was a ooh do you a a woman who can maintain her composure when her husband is barfing on a foreign Lap of state is not going to be fazed by a journalist babbling about what supermarket he shops in. So she handled it smoothly. A we saw Jeb recently a she continued. A the just turned 39.&Quot then clearly washing to end this conversation she turned Back toward the camera. Obviously this was my Cue to shut up. But my brain now completely panicked was rummaging around in its various lobes desperately trying to think up a response to the fact that mrs Bush a son had just turned 39, and it grabbed the first thing it came up with thereby causing me to omit the following statement and i quote a a he a very  perhaps you could come up with a dumber remark to make to the first lady but you would need the Aid of powerful computers. Mrs Bush turned Back to look at me and deep in her eyes i could see the look of a woman who is wondering if maybe she should signal the secret service to fetch the big net. She said a the did no to just grow this year a and then the picture was Over and mrs. Bush was gone which is fortunate because there was a real danger that my next statement would have involved the Sacramento Kings. So the lesson we learn from All this is if you have to make Small talk with a famous person you should use your own brain because mine is defective. The Miami Herald . Military l Ife in Europe by Charles Kaufman a air Foj vat Roo the Bronze a tour bus Quot medal Given Lor enduring Long uncomfortable ride while silting on cramped seals in Stuffy noisy and Boring Sato tour buses. The aluminium foil wrapped a snack bar medal Given to those soldiers who regularly eat the High calorie High Lal Content meals at the pm snack bar but still manage to past their i tests. The plastic �?odpi1&Quot Meiji Given Lor continually having your App account charged to the Max during your entire tour in Europe. Page 28 a sunday March 22, 1992