European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - April 19, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse Wheeling out the nominations for hubbies _ Joe Bob Briggs goes to the drive in for the first year in the history of the drive in Academy awards better known As the hubbies we delayed the announcement of the nominees unto after the fake Academy awards they had in Al Lay because it was just As we suspected silence of the lambs a drive in movie won those Academy awards too. The director Jonathan Demme has even won Many hubbies in the past. So i d like to make the following statement on behalf of the drive in Academy we applaud the new emerging detente Between the drive in Academy awards and the Hardtop Academy awards and we encourage the Hardtop Academy to seek out Many More films based on the life of the famous mass murdering maniac quoted Gein in order to continue the tradition established in 1992. And now forthwith and herewith a get a Pencil Lime to vote a the 1991 Chubbic nominees Best flock a caged fury bimbos in cages flick about a nubile Young Blond girl who shows up in Hollywood one Day trying to be an actress gets propositioned by a Sulca Ball photographer abducted from a Rock a no Roll club knocked around by bikers taken Home by a Kung fun mercenary kissed by Erik Estrada ordered to take off her Blouse at the a Talent Agency a and a most horrible of All a ordered to do a love scene with Jack Carter. When she refuses she a arrested tried and sentenced to a year in women a prison. And this is Only her third Day in Al Lay. A naked obsession stripper flick about a City councilman who a tempted by the Devil to spend All his time in topless bars but unfortunately he a supposed to be tearing Down the a armpit of the universe area called Dante Square and replacing it with a modern shopping mall. A new Jack City most realistic gangster picture of the �?T80s, about some undercover drug cops fighting a drug lord who has More guns and More friends than they do. A Stone cold Best biker flick of the last 10 years about a Southern motorcycle gang that deals a lot of drugs murders politicians and does no to catch on very quickly that fellow biker Brian Bosworth is really an undercover cop. A Warlock time travel flick that answers the question a could a 17th-Century Pilgrim in a fur suit and an Al Lay waitress in a miniskirt establish a a coastal relationship Quot and the answer is a yes but Only if United by the fear of a flying Warlock with Long Blond hair who looks like a Rock Singer and is trying to destroy the Best foreign flick a dead sleep Australia starring Linda Blair As a crusading syringe wielding nurse assigned to the Zombie Ward in a mental Hospital where All the patients look like watermelons hooked up to the same Vine. A la Femme Nikita Francea combination of the terminator the Playboy lingerie video and Gidget goes to Paris starring Anne Pari Laud As a Junkie who gets arrested for killing a cop and thrown into the puke your guts out drug withdrawal prison and sentenced to a life term but is quickly recruited sidelights full Fhy Linda Blair in Australia s dead sleep. G. Gordon Lyddy is a top bad any in Street Asylum. My fila Maria Ford on the move in naked obsession hotly Floria s own swimsuit Issue in Bikini Island As a government Assassin so that pretty soon she a running around in High heels and mini skirts blowing the brains out of ambassadors so that All the men fall in love with her. A Midnight cop German the Story of a Colum to Type cop searching for a sle Zeball who shoots girls up with heroin and then smears vaseline All Over their face and stabs Mem to death in a meat locker. A solaris Russia the Sci i flick about weird ear Vodka drinking cosmonauts wandering All Over a space station trying to keep one another from going bonkers when they get close to this huge outer space Ocean that causes you to have hallucinations about your sex wife and see giant Nek kid babies. Best actor a Brian Bosworth Stone cold As a Hiney kicking cop who goes undercover to try to bust a Bunch of Coke dealing outlaw bikers who Are blowing up Mississippi politicians. A Jeffrey Combs Bride of re animator As the crazed or Herbert West who wields the Green Needle mixes the serum grafts four living fingers to an eyeball and says a How dare you judge my work a a Richard e. Grant Warlock As the Puritan to Tocop who talks like a scottish Guy and says a switches loathe Salt and a never can no Witch set food on consecrated a Mark Hamill Black magic woman As the Guy who has a one night stand and ends up coughing blood with dead roosters in his bed Snake eggs under his pillows and mexican Witch doctors squeezing eggs on his body. A wings Hauser Street Asylum As the Only cop smart enough to finally say a you know what i think i have a mind control device planted in my Back a and then dealing with it a by asking his Girlfriend to cur it out. A Orville Ketchum Tower of terror As the fat pocked face plaid shirted Weirdo Geek who says a they May have killed his body but he swore his spirit would never die and for getting stabbed repeatedly with a letter opener strangled spiked in the neck head butted Staple gunned knocked Down a flight of stairs bashed with a garbage lid pushed off a 15-Story building and machine gunned three different times but living to Tell the Story. Best actress a Apollonia Black magic woman As the voodoo Witch with wicked fingernails and heaving Bronskis who shows up with a Crystal brooch dangling Down in the Valley of the lost wedding ring and says things like a How a bout a private tour a so that Mark Ham ill will make the sign of the triple winged Gila monster with her and Shell take Possession of his soul a Meg Foster the ice Queen for two roles a diplomatic immunity As the evil Dominatrix who rules Paraguay from her Island fortress until she Dies with a Harpoon through her Chest and future kick As a Rich housewife who lives on Mars along with All the other 21st-Century yuppies but she has to come Down to Earth to find out what happened to her dead husband. A Linda Hamilton terminator 2, As the Mother of the Freedom fighter of the future who has been living with Central american revolutionaries since 1984, learning How to use pump action Semi automatic assault rifles and when she Wasny to doing that she was in the loony bin pumping Iron and trying to make the Weir Beard doctors think she was a a Normal by denying that she Ever saw the terminator in the first place a and then she loads up and becomes More of a terminator than the terminator a Kathleen Kinmont Bride of re animator in the title role As a reanimated do it yourself Corpse with the feet of a Ballet dancer the legs of a Hooker the body of a Virgin the arms of a waitress the left hand of a lawyer the right hand of a murderess better Nail polish and the heart of the doctor s dead Girlfriend which she rips out and gives to him. A Roxanna Michaels caged fury As the innocent woman introduced to the sadistic guards the lesbian Warden the Friendly members of a your personal parole Board Quot tortured abused and dressed in Stan Dard Issue prison garb from Frederick a of Hollywood. A Vivian Schilling Sou taker As the main teenager who is supposed to die in a car crash but her soul gets separated from her body and so the souls of her and her friends wander around the Countryside try continued on Page 9 Page 8 a sunday april 19, 1992 j
