European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - April 19, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse Voices pushing across a few Points with exclamations Andy Rooney s Tuaila. Everal times a week i feel like writing an angry letter to someone. The feeling usually goes away before i get at it but today in a determined to sit Down and get some frustration off my Chest. Off my typewriter a car sin i have been receiving your Catalon for three years now. I have never ordered anything from it. I never intend to order anything from it because in be never seen such junk under one cover in my life. It looks like a collection of Christmas presents no one wanted that came from a store that take anything Back. If you a like to make honest Money ill pay you 25 cents for every Catalon you done to Send me. Together with what you save on Stamps that should amount to big Money for you and it certainly would make me and my mailman Happy. Sincerely Andrew Rooney i enjoy meeting Good friends at an occasional weekend party but there Are places i dread going to. Dear Helen and Bill we got your invitation to the party a week from Friday night. Thanks for asking us but to Tell you the truth we be been coming to your party four times a year for the last 25 years and in a sick of it. The food is terrible the guests Are Dull and frankly id rather stay Home and watch a rerun of saturday night live regards your old Friend Andy a Raoul of roundly manager Acme car sales and service dear or. Of roundly last week i brought my car in for service and id like to ask a couple of questions about my Bill. I know the sign behind your Cash Register says All mechanical work at $65 an hour even so $379.50 seems like a lot. I see they checked the air in my tires. Were they Down at All did that include putting any air in or is air extra the Oil change including six quarts of Oil was $34.50. Did you Send someone to the Middle East for the Oil to make sure it was fresh did it really take a skilled Mechanic an hour and 45 minutes to find out that my car would t Start because i d taken the keys to my wife a car by mistake by the Way thanks for greasing the steering wheel. Sincerely Andrew a. Rooney to a fund raising Charity. Dear sir or Madam Pardon me for saying so but your Charity sounds like a Ripoff. In a not going to give you a dime because i doubt if those people you say need it Ever get to see any of the Money you raise. I figure you take the Money and run. Not Only that. Ill bet you $10 that half the people you list on your Letterhead As a honorary trustees Quot never heard of your organization. Sincerely Andrew a. Rooney dear Maxwell House it has been three years since i first noticed that a Pound of your Coffee now weighs Only 13 ounces. Thirteen ounces is about 81 percent of a Pound. When Are you going to reduce the Price of your Coffee by 19 percent now that you re giving us less in the same size can . Rooney circulation manager news less weekly Magazine dear sin the reason my subscription is about to run out is because that a the Way i want it. Have you forgotten you ask me. No i Haven to forgotten. I done to want your Magazine anymore is that Clear please Stop giving me one last Chance to subscribe for what you Call a this amazingly Low i done to care How Low the Price is. I done to want one last Chance. I Don t want your Magazine. Will you for gosh Sakes Stop sending it sincerely a. Rooney Madia services the euphoria of marching to the voting Booth Linda Ellerbee Andy Rooney is a former stars and of reporter despite a veritable plethora of evidence it will do no Good since everyone running is three kinds of Turkey if not far far worse i got up this morning and took my constitutional rights out for exercise. To enter your vote pull the red lever to the left where else would a red lever go voting in Greenwich Village new York City is always interesting. The Man in front of me takes his dog into the Booth with him. The sound of the red lever sets the dog s ail wagging. Too bad it does no to work that Way with me i shut my eyes grit my Teeth gird my loins not even for democracy and pull. Father forgive me for 1 know not what i do or what they do either except they keep on doing it done to they of my but i love an election year and there a nothing like new York for bringing out the Best in people i always say. After voting i go for Coffee at the place 1 always go for Coffee Over on Morton Street the place has no name. Kenny the philosopher King of Morton Street is Cook and owner. There Are close to 8 x items in the menu but he wont serve French people he is he explains civilized. Evic his wife mans the till and can sometimes be persuaded to hand a menu to a customer if she has known you a Long time maybe. Here in the a Hood we like things As they Are we re not a Picky lot but sometimes outsiders get confused. Once an old Girlfriend from Texas who was visiting new York and had managed to squeeze time Between Saks and Bloomie a came to lunch with me at the place with no name. Soon a Man came into the card a fifty ish and rumpled and looking like the rest of us. Everyone in the place with no name stood up and began to applaud. April Anne remained seated she could Hiss at me better that Way a Why Are you egging that derelict on Quot some moments make Many things worthwhile. 1 explained to april Anne the derelict was our neighbor Joe Brodsky and we were Quot egging him on because he had just won the Nobel prize for literature huh. April Anne was impressed too until she found out it was for poetry. This morning the topic is not literature nor clothes nor politics even. This morning people in the cafe Are talking about the pro Choice March in Washington a few Days before. Evic who marched says it was wonderful to be Here except for a Bunch of yuppies who rolled up the Avenue in a truck bearing Clinton stickers did t they know the difference Between a March and a Parade or was there something wrong with their feet someone in the cafe suggests that marches done to work anymore that they be outlived their usefulness especially when it comes to abortion because nobody on either Side is going to be swayed by any March. Quot yes a says Evie a but there was something about being there. Something that made the event worthwhile. Something about making your voice heard literally. You know a the yell you yell when someone is trying to steal your Choice a your tic cum. Yelling Felt real yeah. I did t go to the March but 1 veiled about hat too. I voted this morning. Felt really Good. Kjus f c Jiuu is 1 a in april 19, 1992 1 Juday Page 19
