European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - May 24, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Odds is i ads miss Mann is Judith Martin a car miss manners scene a delightful Small luxury cruise ship. Nice couple at a table on deck. She is Reading he is doing a crossword Puzzle. He goes to the rail to watch for porpoises. Along comes a whom they have met. X sits Down and loudly continues to almost finish the Puzzle. One must hear How smart he is. I Feci it was the first Many a Puzzle and that x was an intruder and could have waited to offer a Little advice but not taken Over. Personally i would have been annoyed had it been mine. Gentle Reader miss manners was about to turn this one Over to the nearest Harbor police. She naturally assumed that your Story was going to end in the cry a Man overboard a to assume the deck chair not to mention the pastime of someone else is extremely rude. Doing so at sea is Foolhardy As Well. But As miss manners is opposed to violence even under provocation she is vastly appreciative that the first gentleman did not pitch or. X into the sea. He is certainly justified in keeping him at a freezing distance for the rest of the trip. Dear miss manners 1 was having lunch with a Friend of my fathers and near the end of lunch she lit a cigarette. I understood the mental and physical addiction that she was and is suffering and did not mind that she had a cigarette. But after lighting up she decided to give me a lecture on How smoking was not bad for her and How she could quit at any time. I decided that it would be most polite to sit Back and let her have her say. Was it or could i in a polite Way have informed her of the number of people who die each year not Only from actively smoking but from secondary smoke in retrospect i see that every argument she presented had a gaping Hole that could have been exposed to show that she was in reality addicted to smoking. Gentle Reader. Your fathers Friend has made two etiquette mistakes Here first in lighting up without the express permission of everyone around her and second in opening an argument about a personal habit she obviously does not intend to change. The temptation to you must have been severe. You could politely have asked her to refrain. It would have been impolite to open a lecture on the evils of smoking but you could say that As she is the one who broached the subject you could have politely argued with her opinion. As you Point out it would have been easy. But miss manners is proud of you for letting the Opportunity pass. Changing this persons mind would not have been easy or even possible miss manners dares say and would merely have turned a social event into a personal fight. Dear miss manners two months ago i was the Best Man at a friends wedding. This was quite an Honor for me and it was my first time. At the rehearsal dinner i was surprised by a gift from the Groom. I did no to know it was customary to give presents to the Best Man and the maid of Honor. When i opened it my face was flushed with gratitude a it was a Beautiful Colex that the Groom had bought to match his own. My problem is that it is a copy not a real rolex. 1 am doubly embarrassed a by my initial reaction when he gave it to me and by its being a fake which cheapens our relationship. Do i say anything to him and if so what gentle Reader what did you have in mind a a you re nothing but a cheap copy of a Friend and How exactly would you have reacted to this present had you known at the time that it was Worth less than you originally supposed t having no interest in Brand names Only in human decency miss manners would like to Point out to you that your Friend gave you a watch. For that you were obliged to look pleased and thank him. Apparently this was what you did. Allow miss manners to congratulate you on your instincts and to leave it at that. If you regret not having been rude to your Friend at his wedding she would just As soon not hear about it. United feature  oils gemini May 21-june 20 go to the head of the class. This is the time of year when you can really Shine cancer june 21-july 22 Sloppy details and incomplete tasks create a disaster area in your Home clean up. Leo july 23-aug. 22. Visit a Friend and solidify what has been a rather shaky Friendship Virgo aug 23-sept. 22 Good news. You have the pm now get to work and prove you can handle it. Libra sept 23-oct 22 Firmance takes a Back seat while you Are called upon to put your Energy into your career Scorpio oct 23-nov. 21 1 his is a heavy nesting period you la want to stay close to Home. Get comfortable. Sagittarius nov 22-dec. 20 discontent is a disease of the soul and mind bring them together to heal yourself Capricorn dec. 21-Jan. 19 juggling your finances has become an Art. The show is not Over yet. Keep it moving. Aquarius Jan. 20-feb. 18 Don t take it personally when circumstances beyond your control upset you plans it will work out. Pisces feb. 19-March 20 do not judge your life based on what is happening around you look within. Aries March 21-april 19 avoid making rash decision. At this Point you can t be sure which director is Correct. Taurus april 20-May 20 you will have to redo anything that is done badly. So do it right the first time. Copley news  goes Johnny and Well miss him Derma bomber str so what a the big Deal about working 30 years in the same Job a lot of people do it. If they re Lucky they get a Fountain pen a slice of dry cake on a paper plate and a card signed by the gang. But most people done to do comedy. To appreciate Johnny Carsons longevity try to imagine walking through a minefield in flippers. Or making love in front of your Mother. Someone once said that All performers feel a vulnerability Akin to working naked in front of an audience. With comedians there is another dimension. They not Only work naked but they also turn slowly and ask a what do you think a in 1967,1 wrote my first Book. The fact that i had done nothing else except snap Beans raise kids and grow thighs did no to seem to bother anyone. To promote it i was booked on the Carson show in new York. I bought an ill fitting dress and had my hair teased and sprayed until it looked like the Empire state building. When i told my Mother i was going to throw up from the anxiety she took me by the shoulders and said a look if you re going out there and try to be something you re not you re going to fall on your face. But if you re just yourself that la be Good enough. You la be  i sat in the a seat from hello Between Johnny and Genius Carl Reiner and was myself. I was so bad it was 10 years before i was invited Back to the tonight show. In a 15-year period i cannot remember the number of times i worked with Johnny Carson. As a humor writer i never failed to be awed by him. He took his audience by the hand and led them onto a Tightrope near the top of the tent. He worked without a net. He eased you into places you did no to want to go and made you laugh at situations you knew you  be laughing at. No matter How bad the news you could depend on his monologue to find a Nugget of irony or irreverence to put it into perspective. He gave you permission to laugh at it and get on with your lives. The fact that he is a private person who is Able to keep his private life to himself Only endears him to me. In a Community where headlines Are made by Roseanne a female surgery i find it refreshing. Comedy is risk. We All know it. One night he leaned Over during the break and said a for a while i had no idea where you were going with  i said a Why should you know before i know a he saved More of us from self destruction than the world will Ever know. Universal press Syndicate history not found in history books 1. Washington thought the revolutionary War would last Only a few weeks. 2. One third of Jefferson swords in the declaration of Independence were changed. 3. Aaron Burr was a murder suspect in new Jersey. 4. Independence Hall was nearly levelled in 1816. 5. Old Ironsides had sides of Wood. 6. Gettysburg address lasted just 5 minutes. Source world features Syndicate Page 10 a sunday May 24, 19lj2