European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - February 14, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse                                When love Means chewing Sweet How do i love thee let me count  $864,000 Worth of Valentine specially candies were expected to be sold in american military commissaries and exchanges for this year s Sweet heart season. At least $30,000 Worth of those treats were to be sold in army and air Force exchanges said cafes spokeswoman Barbara Kirsch. A sampling of the Stock for most of cafes stores includes some 6,000 packs of Small Conversa Tion hearts for about a Dollar apiece. Those Are the Little Sweet treats with messages like i love you  remember them from kindergarten Days need something spicier How about one of the 648 boxes of chocolate hot lips at $5.50 a pop or maybe one of the hundreds of boxes of i be got the hots for you cinnamon red hearts. About $3 per gift pack. _ her shy s kisses in 6,000 eight ounce doses Are priced at $4.50 each. Unrequited love never fear 6,000 bags of chewy Cherry hearts should be plenty for those left sad and lonely to eat their hearts out for the touch of elegance How about one of the 600 heart shaped boxes of chocolates dressed in Tux does those stepping out tokens of liberated affection go for about $10. Another 600 traditional Satin Flower heart boxes of chocolates were Selling for a More modest $7.50, about the Price of a Valentine pizza but a Little Clas sier. And 45 dozen Long stemmed Candy roses at $3.50 each were available for those with More botanical tastes. This sampling docs not include $34,000 Worth of similar tokens of Sweet confection offered in Navy exchanges according to officials of the Navy Exchange service Center Europe. And Don t go to the commissary hungry. Officials for the defense commissary Agency european re Gion say they re offering the Valentine buying Public an estimated $800,000 Worth of candied gifts of love. Effie Bathen Ore no Quick quiz can Tell people if they have found True love but Here Are things to consider according to the professionals interviewed for these Valentine s Day stories 1. Do you accept the other person just the Way he is 2. Can you imagine yourself growing old with this person 3. Do you tend to rationalize away some shortcomings he drinks but he s not so bad. She s Lazy now but that will change 4. What is his relationship to his Mother hers to her father you la probably see these traits in your partner in 30 years particularly the negative ones. 5. Are you Able to give love As Well As accept it 6. Do you complement one another opposites attract to a certain extent say the experts until they Are too far apart. Then they repel. 7. Are there any problem with the three t s touch talk Trust love at first sight continued from Page 5 tic image of True  but Lehman said what Many people do not real ize is that it does t exist. We need tension we need conflict we need frustration because that s How we grow and develop explained Lehman. He estimates that most of the people who seek his help have trouble working out differences. When conflicts Are left unresolved for example with. People walking put or turning to alcohol relation ships break Down. When people Tell him they never argue he said somebody is not being honest with himself. Counselling psychologist Alice Nelson also on the Frankfurt Hospital staff said True love is a manic process. There Are ebbs and flows. There Are Posi Tives and negatives. It s growing. It s  she said a person May have True love this year but there s no guarantee it will be there the following year. It is Normal for people to grow in different directions but in her View that does t necessarily mean they must grow apart. Most of us enter a relationship thinking that s the Way it s going to be " she said. Feelings Are Happy Good warm. That s the infatuation the giddiness Nelson said. But when people get into sharing a life with an other person a lot of that does t hold up. It does t always feel Good to be around somebody else. It does t always feel Good to Deal with somebody else s problems or be there to be an emotional  the next thought is this in t the Way it s sup posed to be. It s supposed to be like it was when we first were  but Nelson cautions what a person is looking for when he s 19 or 20 is different than when he a say 30," psychologist Lehman said it fascinates him How couples can live together for five years get married and in one year get divorced. Once it becomes socially sanctioned and Legal the expectations change and the experience changes he said. The thinking becomes As Long As i m not married there s a feeling i m staying be cause i m free. I m staying because i choose  but for someone who gets married it changes to now i m staying because i m legally or religiously  whether True love is essential to the human state Lehman and Nelson said they could t answer. How Ever they agreed that people Are social beings who need to feel connected and bonded in a special Way with one another. Communication Trust and intimacy Are the Cornerstones of the most enduring of those relationships. And people who feel loved and supported by their partners Are much More Able to weather the storms of life. Sex is sold As love said Lehman. But there s not a close connection Between sex and love you can have love without sex and you can have sex certainly without  Lehman added there s a reason Why there s All this focus on True love and that is because it is important to us. If this was t connecting with people then it would t be marketed because it would t be  still said Lehman love is subjective and people should not be too concerned if their feelings Don t match society s Ideal. For example some people just like to watch mtg together. If that s the glue and that s what works said the psychologist then maybe hallmark just does t have a card that says i love you because you watch mtg with me.1" Effie Bathen Page 6 sunday february 14, 1993