European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - February 14, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Pic that piercing protest you hear is old age Dave Barry my son got his ear pierced. He s 12. For12 years i worked hard to prevent him from developing unnatural bodily holes then he went out and got onion purpose. At a shopping mall. It turns out that minors can have their earlobes assaulted with Sharp implements by shopping mall Booth personnel who for All we know have received no More formal medical training than is Given to Bur Rito folders at Taco Bell. And the failed Clinton administration is doing nothing. You re probably saying Don t blame the govern ment As a Parent you must take responsibility you and your wife Beth should sit your son Down and give him a Stern  listen that s a great idea except for one Tensy Little problem which is that Beth is the per son who drove him to the piercing place. This is the same woman who when Rob was 6, allowed him to get a Punk style haircut that transformed him in just a few minutes from Christo Pher Robin into Bart Simpson the same woman who indulges his taste for clothes that appear to have been dyed in radioactive Kool Aid. No Beth is not on my Side in the ongoing Battle i have waged with my son to keep him Normal defined As like me but with less nose  now you re probably saying who arc you to be complaining when you were Young did t you feel you had the right to do things that your parents disapproved of perhaps you Are referring to the time in ninth Grade when Phil Grant Tom Parker and i decided that pipe smoking was Cool so we got hold of some pipes and stood around spewing smoke thinking we looked like urbane sophisticates when in fact we looked like the Junior Fred Mac Murrary Dork patrol. I will admit that when my parents found out about this following a minor desk fire in my room and told me to Stop i went into a we Klong door slamming snit As thought the right of ninth graders to smoke pipes was explicitly stated in the . Constitution but we cannot compare these two situations. In the Case of my pipe smoking my parents were clearly overreacting because the worst that could have happened was that i would have burned the House Down and gotten cancer. Whereas i have a very Good reason to object to Rob s earlobe Hole it makes me feel old. Rob wears a Little jewelled ear stud and it s constantly winking at me and saying hey there old timer you d never Wear an ear stud and neither would grandpa Walton i am also being rapidly aged by Rob s Choice of radio stations. The one he now prefers is operated by one of the most dangerous and irresponsible forces on Earth College students. I was concerned about what they might be playing so i tuned it in on my car radio. The first song i heard did t sound so bad and i said to myself hey perhaps i am still fairly hip after All and then the deejay came on and said apologetically i realize that song was  he said mainstream the Way you would say composed by  then he played a song titled i am not making this up detachable Penis. Yes College students Are in on the plot with my son to make me feel old. Not Long ago i was sitting on a Beach near a group of male College students who were talking about a Bung a jumping excursion they had taken. They were bragging about the fact that they had leaped off the Tower in the Only Cool Way which is headfirst and backward. They spoke with great contempt about a group of fathers that s the term they used fathers making it sound As though it Means people even older than phoenicians who had jumped off feet first which the College students considered to be pathetic. This made me feel extremely old because i personally would not bungee jump off the Oxford English dictionary. My son on the other hand would unhesitatingly bungee jump off the concorde and he s Only 12. Who knows How old hell make me feel by the time he s 14. What if he wants a nose ring i won t allow it i m going to put my feet Down i m going to take charge i m going to steal Beth s car keys. Tho Miami Herald . Military life in Europe by Charles Kaufman do you have the qualifications to be an an to military newscaster a Eer of it a 3 hv9 lilt in Jay a.0 mov i i Arm up and Down in front of a map of Europe. Include Theorda Riftin 1 wind Cloudy sunny flow Bat Elute imagery i Ono Page 28 b sunday pc Bruaw 14, 1993