European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - February 14, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse Voices face saving and Money making ideas that count Joebob Briggs goes to the drive i be been thinking seriously about plastic sur Gery. You scoff \ i mean i was t thinking about it but. Then i saw this and in the Al Lay times for Charles r Fuller m.d., f.a.c.s., surgeon of the stars and he had his Complete Price list. I did t know this until Reading the and but you can get plastic sur Gery on parts of your body that you did t even real ize were parts of your body. For example Otoplasty also known As lopping the ears god that already Hurt Sis Only $4,000. A Chin implant is $1,500. Checks Are s3,000. Your Good old fashioned Standard Facelift including neck is $5,500, which seems like a bargain when you realize that the forehead by itself is $5,000. Male breast reduction is $3,000. I Don t even Wanna know buttock implants Are $5,000. Let s not dwell on it. On another Page of the same edition of the Al Lay times there s an and from a Beverly Hills lawyer named Jeffrey Steinberger. It says attention women who have had breast Imp ants we Are a Bev Erly Hills Law firm presently investigating All claims caused by silicone implants. Even if you Are symptom free you May still have a we be created the ultimate american Indus try you have two choices. Gimme the face i be always deserved or Gimme the Money i be always deserved. One or the other. Somehow i Don t think they have these problems in Bangladesh. Speaking of keeping that equipment Perky Sally Kirkland is Back in the 967th erotic thriller so far in 1993. Are they real or Are they Mamma Rex if you Wanna make an erotic thriller and you can t get Sharon Stone you hire Sally. And if you re making an erotic thriller and you can t get Michael Douglas. Three guesses. Right Andrew Stevens and in a movie starring Sally Kirk land and Andrew Stevens if you really Wanna hit a Home run you la go after the Only actor who has spent his entire life and certainly the last 25 years making erotic thrillers. I m talking your Tony Franciosa. Put Emall together and what do you have Dou ble threat a movie about the movies where Sally is an aging actress trying to make a comeback but for her big sex scene they need a body double and so they hire a Little Bimbo to make the sign of the four winged Heliotrope with Andrew Stevens who also happens to be Sally s boy toy. Cat fight cat fight my Kinda movie. Unfortunately they forgot to buy a script. But you can t remember everything when you re making a flick. Four dead bodies. Six breasts. Three motor vehicle chases with two crashes and one Burn. Exploding car. Multiple aardvark ing. Gratuitous Tony Franciosa. Kung fun. Big hair to. Drive in Academy award nominations for Sherrie Rose As the body double for successfully Sherrie Rose in double threat. Completing the entire movie without Ever moving her face and Sally Kirkland for saying this is Hollywood no one loves anyone they just pretend to and i never had to do a nude scene in any of my films i m not starting now now that is acting two stars. Joe Bob says Check it out. Bob s advice to the hopeless Victory Over republicans the Airport drive in in Binghamton n.y., was planning to close forever last year but our Friend of at radio station Waal 99 pm better known As the whale offered to do a free yearlong promotion of the drive in and it was saved. Every tuesday is Waal night five Bucks a Carload with everybody encouraged to pack the cars As full As possible. Average attendance 800 cars. And the station did t make a dime off it re ports of who also reminds us that with eternal Vig Ilance the drive in will never die. _ dear Joe Bob you know that commercial on Cable to for in sight Magazine where some pseudo yuppies talk about what a great Magazine insight is while pseudo thirty something music plays in the background Well i saw it and was going to subscribe until some one told me that insight is owned by the Moon Sand if i read it i would get a sudden urge to give All my Money to South has me very suspicious Joe Bob. I must ask you is your newsletter we Are the weird a front for some kind of cult i know that i certainly get some strange urges after Reading it. Bill Palmer fort Worth Texas dear Bill you Call islamic jihad a cult dear Joe Bob. I am stationed on Board the Dock Landing ship Portland on deployment in the North arabian sea. On our ship we have a television system that shows movies every Day. The problem with this is we Are out of new movies. What i was hoping you could do is Send a. List of movies you would recommend. You real ize i m sure that we Are 400-plus Guys who Are away from Home Iso lated on Board this ship and bored most of the time. I think that wheels and trigger action flicks would be Good but we would also like something with a High breast movies the armed forces radio and Tele vision service has on its list Are mostly stupid. We also get television shows such As Oprah and Donahue. Can you see 400 sailors sitting around watching Oprah it s not a pretty sight. We need More breasts and More dead bodies i Hope to hear from you soon. Any advice you could give would be welcomed and greatly appreciated. Maybe you could compile Joe Bob s list of Sailor movies. We need your help Joe Bob. We need it bad. Sean Perry less Portland dear scan the trouble with most Sailor movies they be in the last 30 years is they either have Gene Kelly dancing along the decks in a Sailor suit or they have a Bunch of Wacky Guys pushing each other Over Board. My vote for the greatest Navy movie Ever is the last detail with Jack Nicholson an Randy Quaid. In the meantime try action Jackson Gas pump girls and if you want dead bodies and great breasts from beyond. Check it out. Creator Syndicate to discus the meaning of we with Jobob. Or to Gat tree Una in the mail and Joe Bob world Hamoui a an la weird new letter write Joe Bob Briggi. . Boa 2002. Dallu text 7522. Of Bob fax line is always on 214 36�-2310. Not the most super of sundays for everyone Linda Ellerbee it was Early on the morning of super bowl Sun Day a near National Holiday in America. Rolf was upstairs in the new England House still asleep. I was at the Kitchen table drinking cof fee from my favorite cup the big round chipped one with the Blue Flowers on the Side an looking out the window at the Little River which was not quite Frozen Over but if the radio were right would be by dark. That s How cold it was going to get the Man on the radio said in Between bouts of classical music. Snow falling to the beat of its own silent song piled up near the House and i remember feeling comforted at Home with my fellow my world and Safe. This i May have thought is How a proper sunday should Start softly. Perhaps i also thought and this is How it should continue All Day. But that s personal preference no More. Having grown up in Texas i both like and understand football. At least i under stand How the game is played. There is much else about super bowl sunday i do not understand. The hoopla the hypo the hysteria it All seems to have gone so far beyond a game of football. Gone some place i Don t want to go. The music stopped and the news came on the radio. There was something or other As there is every Day now about the failed Clinton presidency was there Ever a Shorter honeymoon was there even a honeymoon. Next a Story about the humongous cold front moving Down from Canada by Way of Maine bringing with it Shock value numbers like "30 and then the Man Reading the new announced that according to a newly published study super bowl sunday was the biggest Day of the year in terms of violence done to women in fact income cities such As san Francisco attacks on women had doubled last year on super bowl Sun Day. That s the news he said and now Here s a Little Bach for your sunday morning. Outside my window the Snow that had seemed so Safe now looked Slippery As if it had been oiled. But Why the inner voice asks what should be a simple question. Why what about super Sun Day that makes someone want to hit a woman gee Honey that was one terrific tackle c Mere and lemme Whu Pyo i up the Side of your head to show you How much fun i m havin is this How it happens i will ask Rolfe when he wakes. Perhaps he will say it has to do with intensity hat it s such an aggressive sport so physical. Perhaps he will say that when a Man s emotions Are so aroused it can make him strike out particularly if his team has lost. I will say i think that s a Lousy excuse for men who can t control themselves. A football game me do it. Give me a break i will say. However later when i ask Rolf he says he believes most of the Vio Lence against women on this particular Day is fuelled by alcohol. Makes sense. The combination of alcohol and aggressions cannot but be dangerous and foot Ball admittedly is All about aggression. Dut alcohol excuses nothing. Ever. But Back to our sunday night. Stretched out on sofas in front of the fire we watched part of the game and some of the halftime show which meant we saw people singing about peace and love an people pushing one another Back and Forth across a Green Field. King features Syndicate february 14,1993 sunday Page 21
