European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - February 14, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse My it Clinton s Gay stand requires a status report William Safire on language the Issue president Clinton told news conference is whether men and women who can and have served with real distinction should be excluded from military service solely on the basis of their status he went on to announce the staying of discharges based on status later his press aide minimized the numbers of people to which the action would be applied solely based on status used this Way the word status which Means condition position relative to others Legal character is a fuzz Ifica not quite a euphemism but a bureaucratic substitute that takes the sting out of the word or phrase being avoided. What Clinton Means and could bring himself to say is sexual preference the term preferred by those who think homosexuality is usually a proclivity reinforced by conscious Choice or sexual orientation preferred by those who think homosexuality is Pri Marily inborn. These phrases Deal with condition not behaviour and can thus be referred to delicately As snafus in contrast to activity. Let s take a stand is the Fuzzi Fier pronounced stat us As Clinton prefers or stay Tus preferred in Merriam Webster s ninth new collegiate american heritage third and the random House websters Clin tonics find support in the third edition of Webster s new world which reversed its previous position and chose stat us. Victoria ecu Feldt who edited that dictionary for Simon & schuster and is now with Merriam Webster the status of lexicographers is fluid says that the More frequent pronunciation in the United states has become stat us. It parallels the change from Day to to Dat a among younger people says Neufeldt especially computer people. I m from Canada and still say stay Tus and Day to so i guess i m hopelessly be Hind the Reserve judgment in a few years Well review the status of the data. Free lunch who coined there Ain t no such thing As a free lunch the economist Milton Friedman popularized it in the name of a 1975 Book but frequently disclaims coinage. A that remains is to find the first written citation of there Ain t no such thing As a free the finder won t get the Nobel prize for economics but will be fed great heaps of pickles and pretzels at no Cost to him or her at gatherings of political Ety Mol ogints. Hook ology won t do a word wanted and was run in this column last year by Joe Califano president of the Center on Addic the president stat us or stay Tus Tion and substance abuse at Columbia University. He sought the name for the study of addiction received 155 responses from lexicographic irregulars and is mulling Over these finalists addiction Lofy which is quickly understandable but seems Long and banal. from pharmacy drug and 05/5, i Don t like the cosy in the Middle. Dedi ology from the latin Devitus addicted to and has a warning connection to dead in the first syllable. Ethnology from the greek ethos if you want to vote or top these write to Joe at Casa 152 West 57th st., new York . 10019. Help your fellow person be a Coiner. The new York Tinei these big time commercials Don t and up Tony Kornheiser am the Only one confused by the current state of advertising where you Aren quite sure what they re trying to sell you you la see these ads in magazines with an extremely handsome Bare chested Man whose hair appears to have been dipped in Hellmann s Mayonnaise squinting into the Sun. There Are craggy plateaus and cac uses in the background. Down at the Bottom of the Page is some wuss bag name like Teddie Pastorini. And you wonder 1. Is this Bare chested Man Teddie. Pastorini 2. Is Teddie Pastorini a landscaping service 3. Is it a hair care product 4. How can it be clothes the Man in t wearing any clothes. 5. Of sure he s Nice looking hut How did he do on his sats some ads now apparently Aren t trying to sell you anything at All. They re really just political lobbying packaged like a fourth of july picnic. There s one i hear on radio i think it s for Mcdonnell Douglas or Northrup. The narration goes something like unidentified aircraft off the starboard Bow crossing vector three. Let s scramble and lock on pow enemy aircraft destroyed. Good work Bill let Shead for needless to say i am relieved that our nation is Safe. But what Are they Selling me am i supposed to say hey Honey while you re going out for milk and bread could you swing by Martin Marietta an pickup a harrier jump Jet there s another and i hear on the radio All the time and it s for plastic. Not for a plastic toy or a plastic Napkin Holder. For plastic. You feel like Ben Jamin in the graduate. You hear a voice say some thing like we coat your Teeth but we re not tooth paste. We polish your floors but we re not illegal aliens from Peru. We re plastic is this supposed to induce me to Call Lillian Vernon and Corner the Market in monogrammed Lucite tissue Box covers just what am i supposed to do they can t be trying to sell plastic to me. Just As the giant agribusiness Archer Daniel Midland group they used to be the Spencer Davis group until Ste Vic Winwood left and they got into soybeans can t be trying to sell me Grain elevators. Where would i put one there Are All these huge corporations out there that Aren t Selling products anymore they re Selling their names. They re lobbying. They re positioning themselves kind of like a fat Guy settling into the theater seat next to you. Positioning. It s the latest thing. Short declarative sentences. Like this. I was amazed to see an and during the super bowl for Coopers & Lybrand a big Guy corporate accounting firm. They Don t even do people. They Only do corporations. That and was aimed at cos of big Guy firms All 200 of them. Who spends that kind of Money to buy a spot during the super bowl and does t try to sell files o fish what happened to mass marketing when did i become such a Peon would t it have been fiscally Wiser for Coopers & Lybrand to take the $300,000 they spent on their and and instead Send each one of these cos a big Bronze bust of themselves what is going on Here sell me something. Just Don t sell me a cellular phone not now. The first words in a recent Washington Post Story were a panel of scientists said yesterday there s no proof that portable cellular phones cause no proof 7 Tell me that sentence in t enough to get you Back to your Wall phone in a heartbeat. Of you hate to wish ill on anyone but Down deep Don t you wish something bad would happen to those smug bananas who pull out their cellular phones in the Middle of a restaurant and ostentatiously Call their brokers and their other put friends surely you Don t wish them cancer but at least something with some pus in it right i love that lexus and where the single Raindrop Falls on the car and beads up and Rolls off the Point being that rain won t seep into a lexus. This is not exactly aggressive advertising. Lexus. Our roof won t leak. For $40,000,1 should Hope not. Buy tylenol. It s not poisoned anymore. Red roof inn. A window in every room. Drink gatorade. It tastes better after a while. Spam. Trust us you Don t want to know. I am troubled by the new trend toward Clear products like Crystal Pepsi and Gillette s Clear Deodor ant stick. A Man does not want Clear deodorant. How do i know it s even there maybe it s the emperor s new deodorant. I want to see that baby under my arms. I want chocolate Brown deodorant. I want to smear it on like kindergarten paste. I m no wearing dress Shields. During the super bowl i was watching this quiet and for what i thought was a sensible Way to prepare artichokes. A Tweedy looking Man was in a Kitchen holding an Artichoke discussing its varied uses and promising exciting new recipes i was quite inter ested. Suddenly his image was zapped and some Young Hooligan with a Wayne s to a Hairdo came on and started hollering about Pepsi. It was a Pepsi and the Middle aged Man a Symbol for me was the foil. You were supposed to laugh at him the Fossil Bice then i have found myself listening More intently to the impotence ads. Creators Syndicate Page 24 sunday february 14, 1993
