European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 12, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Sidelights for a late and an Jordan return As Clarence Page foods fires earthquakes hurricanes Ted Danson Bob Dole with so Many natural and unnatural disasters wreaking havoc in american life these Days its hard for me to wipe away my usual endearing scowl and try to get into the Holiday spirit. It seems every time i find something to be thank Ful for like israelis peace settlement or the new South african Constitution or the end of the nuclear arms race something comes along free Lance terrorism North Korea to Cloud the Silver lining. Still in the spirit of the season and positive think my i have forced myself to sit Down and make a list of things to be thankful for. Or is it a things for which to be thankful thank heavens for Good English teachers. So Here it is my top ten list of blessings for which we should be thankful. No. 10 the Boob tube Beavis and Buff head has been limited to late night hours. A the Chevy Chase Paula Poundstone and whoops Goldberg shows have been cancelled. \ no Ross Perot a infomercials Quot expected for at least another week. We Don t have to watch any of it. No. 9 Safe courteous and efficient Holiday transportation my car has t received a recall notice in More than a month now. Airlines have enough seats together to acct no Date your entire family enough planes to take you when you want to leave enough Telephone lines to give you prompt and personable service enough room in the overhead Racks to hold All your carry on Luggage and enough generosity to keep their workers from going on strike and holding a nation of travellers hostage during a Busy Holiday weekend. Otherwise be thankful there s Amtrak no. 8 Candor by Public people a political consultant named de Rollins actually has admitted that sometimes he makes up things to impress reporters. A president of the United states named Bill Clinton actually has admitted to rolling Stone Magazine that he s sick and plumb tired of being picked on by the a knee Jerk Liberal Media. No. 7 blessed Relief no More Quot Juk retrospectives Quot for a while. No More a not this Naftal Quot buttons. The Santa Ana winds have died Down again. No. 6 blessed events a professional football player was reprimanded for missing a game rather than leave the Side of his wife who had just had a baby. No. 5 so much to look Forward to Oprah Winfrey s next weight loss or gain sure to come in time to do a show about it for the next november ratings sweeps. The end of John and Lorena Bobbitt Cut up jokes anyway you slice it. Still plenty of Ken Nedys around to be married off photographed on dates lured into barroom brawls speculated about As possible presidential candidates and in general worshipped. Maybe Rush Limbaugh Howard Stern and Larry King will get laryngitis All at once. Hillary Clinton a inevitable Campaign for the presi Dancy. Colin Powell a inevitable Campaign for the  Jordan s inevitable return to the bulls. Elvis inevitable return to Las vegas. No. 4 Large blessings a walking around Money when i have some. No. 3 Small blessings Bob Packwood will not be helping to judge he miss America contest next year. The Brady Bill. Sometimes an entire newscast goes by without Madonna demo accent on the a me Quot Moore Joey Buttafuoco the Long Island Lolita Michael Jackson the Bobbitt or Princess i getting so much As a mention. No. 2 family and friends who do not owe me Money and our no. 1 Blessing that i won t try to write another column like this a at least not for another year. The Csc ago Arlbon Tough to get Dole in focus after his Brady Bill misfire Andy Rooney sen. Bob Dole is a mystery to me. He seems so Bright so witty so human and likeable sometimes and then at other times he seems dumb mean spirited and devoted to nothing but being a Republican. If Clinton a for it he a against it. There s nothing wrong with being either Republican or Democrat a there san honest argument about which philosophy of government is Best for the most people a but it  be a full time Job. A person  be a Republican or a Democrat to the exclusion of being a rational thinking human being who is open to a logical argument that disagrees with his or her party s position. The political parties serve our democratic process Well. More than two major parties seems to have led other countries around the world into political chaos or dictatorship but to be blindly Republican or blindly Democrat a my party right or wrong a is if you la Pardon me for holding the opinion stupid. Finally two weeks ago after seven years the Brady Bill passed in the Senate All the Brady Bill does is make someone wait five business Days after buying a handgun before taking Possession of it. The vote 63 to 36, was divided largely along party lines. There were 28 republicans who voted against it and eight democrats. Looking Over the names of those who voted against it i came on Doles name. I done to understand. The names of Jesse Helms Alan Simpson Arlen Specter Orrin Hatch and both senators from Louisiana and Mississippi were on the list of senators who voted against the Bill too but that does no to Surprise me. Dole surprises me. How could any intelligent human being interested in the welfare of this country vote against passing a Law that makes a person wait five Days after applying before he or she can get a pistol the Only sensible reason Why anyone could have voted against it is because it s ridiculously weak. Does anyone really think making people wait five Days to get a gun will be the end of armed robbery or murder recently the Winchester ammunition division of the Olin corp. Announced that they were making a new Bullet called the Black Talon. When it hits the Bullet opens up with claw like tentacles that tear apart flesh Muscles arteries and such body parts As heart liver and kidney. Nice would you like to invest Money in a warm wonderful company like the Olin corp.? where Are the people who picket nuclear Energy plants and the companies that use animals for medical experiments two congressmen have introduced a Bill that would ban the Black Talon. My question is this when the Bill gets to the Senate will Bob Dole vote for it or against it Tribuna Media services Andy Rooney la a former stare and stripes reporter. December 12, 1993 sunday l Page 9