European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 12, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Barking their brains out and other smart dog moves Dave Barry i want to talk about the hidden lives of my dogs. A a. A. Until recently i Wasny to aware that my dogs had hidden lives. There were Many times such As when they a take turns repeatedly eating a deceased Lizard and throwing it Back up when i Wasny to even sure they had brains. Then i got the hidden life of dogs the Best Selling Book by Elizabeth Marshall Thomas who has some1 astounding insights into dog behaviour. For example in an Effort to and out what dogs do when they re on their own she spent months following a husky named Misha As he roamed All Over Cambridge mass. What Thomas discovered was that Misha who at first appeared to be simply trotting around aimlessly was in fact earning a degree from Harvard business school. No i am moshing. Harvard does not accept huskies unless their parents Are extremely wealthy. What Thomas discovered after much observation was that Misha spent his time a and Here i will attempt to summarize two full chapters of the hidden life of dogs a sniffing other dogs and peeing a lot. This might not strike you dog owners As All that deep of an insight. But Trust me it seems like one when you re Reading the Book. Because where you might see just a Plain old dog engaging in no rocket scientist behaviour Thomas sees a highly sophisticate de organism responding to elaborate Sociol biological stimuli and performing Complex problem solving tasks. Its not her fault that the solution to the prob Lem is usually to pee on it. Anyway Reading this Book got me to thinking about my own dogs. Did they have a hidden life if so could i discover it and More important a write a Best Selling Book to find out i removed my dogs from the confined controlled environment of our House and put them outside where they were free to reveal their hidden lives. I observed them closely for the better part of a Day and thus i am Able to reveal Here for the first time anywhere that what dogs do when they Are Able to make their own decisions in accordance with their unfettered natural instincts is try to get Back inside the House. They spent most of the Day \ pressing sad Moony faces up against the Glass Patio door taking Only occasional Breaks to see if it was a Good idea to eat Worms. Answer no. Of course the dogs have important and Complex Sociol biological reasons for wanting to get Back into the House. For one thing the House contains the most wondrous thing in the world the Kitchen counter. One time a piece of Turkey Felt off it. The dogs Stilt regularly visit the spot where it landed in Case it shows up again. There san invisible dog historic Marker there. Another reason is that the House pro Vides a better Echo for Barking. Dogs employ Barking As a vital Means of communicating important messages such As  Barking also serves a vital biological purpose if a dog does not release a certain number of barks per Day the barks will Back up and the dog will explode. Whenever you hear an unexplained loud noise in the distance its probably a dog exploding a 1 a s. A 1 our Large main dog Earnest spends her Day sleeping directly under my desk. Three or four titles a Day Shell have a pressure buildup causing  Wake up lift her head release a bark and immedi atty go Back to sleep. Her bark travelling at the Speed of bark quickly reaches our Small emergency backup dog Zippy who is sleeping elsewhere in the House he wakes up and rushes up to the outside of my office door and starts Barking at it because there is clearly something wrong inside Why else would Earnest have barked this in turn awakens Earnest who leaps up Bonks her head against the Bot Tom of my desk then rushes Over and starts Barking at her Side of the door. Each dog is firmly convinced that there is big trouble on the other Side possibly involving their Arch enemy the . Postal service truck. It comes around every Day and usually Earnest and Zippy Are Able to drive it off by Barking at it and getting spit Alt Over the windows by our front door but now apparently the truck somehow has gotten into the House and is on the other Side of this door bark bark bark  this is what my dogs Are thinking if a a thinking is the word i want Here As i get up walk past Earnest who is now insane with rage and open the door. Instantly Earnest charges Barbar bark into the Hall narrowly missing Zippy who is charging Barbar bark into my of Ace. Each one goes about five feet then a wait a minute a skids to a Stop whirls around and charges Back the other Way still Barking. Sometimes  pass each other three or four times before they run out of momentum and tie Down again confident that thanks to their alertness the House is once again Safe. This is the hidden dog world that goes on every Day in our House. I admit that Sociol biologically it is not As interesting As the things that Elizabeth Marshall Thomas dogs do. But Earnest and Zippy Are the Only dogs i have. Make me an offer. Miami Herald sunday december 12. 1993