European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 12, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse Page 10odds amp ends miss manners Judith Martin dear my manner my teen age daughter spent a Long weekend with a friends family at their vacation Home taking along a hostess gift and homemade cookies. At the end she thanked them a profusely a in her words. F asked her to follow up with a written thank you. She claims that today 1993, it is not necessary to write a thank you note. I believe thank you notes have never gone out of style. We Are awaiting your reply for future reference. Meanwhile she is writing a note. Gentle Reeden Why is it that when people other than miss manners unilaterally declare rules of etiquette to be obsolete the rules always turn out to he ones that would otherwise Cost them a bit of trouble Why Isnit your daughter arguing that in i 993, it is not necessary for other people to show her hospitality As Long As such kindnesses Are performed showing gratitude for them will be necessary. And while she sat it your daughter might reflect on How grateful she should be to have a Mother who is teaching her miss manners my husbands manners Are appalling and frankly i am sick of it. When we have dinner at Home he starts eating and often finishes his dinner before everyone else is seated. When he has eaten the food on his plate he scrapes it with his Fork to get the last bits and then he licks the plate. A yes i mean with his Tongue since he is always still hungry he brings pots from the stove to the table and eats from them using the cooking utensils instead of his silverware. Once he has finished his dinner he regales our Young daughter with funny stories thereby causing her. To choke on her food. Then he abruptly retires to the television while we Are still eating leaving his pots and dishes in his Wake. My husband is an educated professional who uses excellent table manners in Public. Why docs he behave at Home How can i get him to improve gentle Reader miss manners is sick of your husband too and she Hasni to even met him much less broken bread with him. It is not Only your vivid description of him at table that repels her but also his attitude which she has encountered before. It is an argument highly insulting to his family that he need not bother to consider the feelings of Schwa Hon Usa. R. Be cd h a Aag o Talts Fieo Tail try Counselor 0 58 his own relatives As he does those of his business As Sociats. This is known As the privilege of being oneself at Home. Why one would want to reveal such a self or Why Sayonc else would want to live with it miss manners cannot imagine. However it is hardly her Job to go around wrecking families. She will Endeavor to do the opposite. Miss manners suggests that you engage your husband in a gentle discussion about Why he uses proper table manners in Public. He will be unavoidably Ted into declaring that other people expect proper table manners and that he cannot afford to incur their distaste for his behaviour. That is the time to ask kindly whether the feelings of you his wife Are not of even greater importance to him. He would have to be callous indeed to declare that he feels he can afford to a ounce daily Dis. Taste in his own wife. Another argument is that your daughter will be ill equipped to succeed in life if she unlike him does not even have the ability to exercise Good manners when they arc necessary to1 her professional and so. Cial welfare. Dear miss manners one week before the wedding the Mother of the Bride called to say the Bride has broken the engagement and there is to be no wedding. I had sent a wedding gift a lace table cloth a two weeks earlier. I mentioned this when t told the Mother my concerns for the couple and she said that she knew about the gift and that the Bride had a used it so now what i figure she has also used the gift from another Friend of mine. I Haven to even received a thank you. Can i write the Bride saying in a sorry about her wedding plans not working out and asking her by the Way to please Send the used lace Tablecloth Back or should i do nothing How much time should the Bride have to return All the gifts should she go out and buy new gifts to replace the ones she used believe me in be Learned my lesson a one should wait until after the wedding. Gentle reads my that Friend of yours had a Busy two weeks did no to she throwing parties requiring lace tablecloths and coming to the momentous decision that she would be better off not marrying her sounds like a full schedule. No wonder she had no time to write letters of thanks. The presents should have been returned unused with a deep expression of thanks although they should not be requested by their donors. The lesson you might learn is that this lady fails to recognize the niceties of either etiquette or Friendship. You will not get your Tablecloth Back but you might reclaim the time for a More valued and valuable Friendship. United feature Syndicate feeling incorrect address your etiquette questions in Black or Blue Black Ink on White writing paper to miss manners . To 9128. Cleveland Ohio 44101-8428. The Quill shortage prevents miss Man ners trom answering questions except through this column. Mothers better know How to say a not Erma bom Beckno kidding a 1993, Ca Toor Sis 1 in Lars at birth 1. Kangaroo a size of Bumblebee 2. Panda a smaller than mouse 3. Nile Crocodile a size of Hummingbird 4. Opossum a smaller than Honeybee 5. Koala a size of worm 6. Male Giraffe a tall As average Aba guard 6-foot-3 towns not named after saints 1. St. Paul neb. A for founders Paul Brothers 2. St. James to. A founder Thomas James 3. St. George . A first settler James George 4. St. Francis Kan. A founder s wife Frances 5 St Charles Iii. A changed from Charlestown a Saint added to make towns sound More interesting. World features Syndicate a just in Case you missed it Ann Landers recently carried a letter from a woman whose 11-year-old daughter Carrie was having sex with a 16-year-old boy you May wonder what a the question the Mother admitted to being a open minded a and did no to want her daughter to think she was a old fashioned a and she certainty did no to want to a ruin our Good relationship a but she wondered what Ann thought. To capsule Annas reply Quot Are you out of your mind a we All enter motherhood thinking we re the one who will have the first open relationship in the history of parenting. Our child will never lie to us will Trust us and we will Trust her. We will always be of one mind and reach the same sensible decision. Nothing will come Between us. We will laugh and nuzzle each other like they do in the douche ads on television. The first time you use the n word a a a not a you can kiss that scene goodbye. I saw a Mother on Oprah one afternoon who had two Young daughters. She prided herself for her open relationship with her daughters because she encouraged them to bring their sex partners Home so they have to Siilak around in a Sleazy hotel a room. She had told them All there was to know about sex. Did she Tell them that if they had a baby at that age they drive the kid to the doctor because they were too Young to drive a car did she Tell them that this Little baby would be their responsibility for the next 20 years minimum and would require More Money to raise Chari their allowances did she Tell them that there was a Strong possibility they would raise the child alone mothers done twin any popularity contests for telling their children what they Don t want to hear. The Only question you have to ask is a who else loves them enough to say no Universal press Syndicate i sunday december 12. 1993
