European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - January 2, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse Quit horsing around and let s crime Dave Barry americans Are very upset about crime. It has become such a serious problem that even the . Congress has taken precious time away from Campaign fund a raising to pass a Tough anti crime Bill which will make the streets safer for decent Law abiding citizens by imposing harsh mandatory minimum penalties on sen. Bob Packwood. But government action alone is not the answer. I believe that to fight this crime wave we need Tore member what our Pioneer for parents did when they were settling the wild West and there were few Law persons around to defend civilians from the cattle rustlers and the gunslingers and the Highway persons and the roving outlaw gang of Amway distributors. In those Days Ordinary civilians sometimes had no Choice but to form posses Saddle up their horses arid bring lawbreakers to Justice at the end of the barrel of a gun. I realize that what i m about to say is highly controversial but maybe it s time we did the same thing. That a right if the police can t protect us then maybe it s time we exercised our constitutional right to keep a and Bear a horses. A criminal is going to think twice about entering your bedroom if he knows there a a horse in there. Especially if he the criminal also the horse has new shoes. Another option is to buy a handgun. This is a controversial Issue so let me state out front that what Ever you think about the handgun Issue it is my firm belief that a and you May Call me a courageous individual if you wish a you Are 100 percent Correct. But whatever opinion we jointly hold we need to consider the implications of a handgun related news item that was reported recently by Tom Mcniff of the Ocala Fla Star Banner. This item which i am not making up describes a tragic incident involving a Marion county fla., commissioner named Norm Perry whose wife Betty was getting ready for a weekend visit to Miami. Needless to say Norm was nervous about this because Miami has a reputation for having a bad crime problem. Audience How bad is it its so bad that this punch line has been stolen. Rim shot answered by gunshots seriously i happen to live in South Florida and the crime situation Down Here is really not that bad As Long As you take certain Basic precautions a Locking your doors avoiding poorly lit areas moving to _ Idaho Etc. A Quot but life Down Here can be unnerving. For example a White Back we rented one of those warehouse storage lockers so we could store some of our stuff in there for a couple of years before throwing it All away. The rental Guy asked me to sign a piece of paper and he said this is a real quote a this just says you re not going to use it to store any like drugs or human a i looked at him. Quot you a be surprised a he said. You would be surprised. Here a another True Miami Story on thanksgiving Day some workers were trying to fix a dogged toilet at a rental duplex and they found a person in the septic tank. This person was deceased. Fortunately for him police done to know How the body got there but its a Safe bet that it Wasny to an Accident unless we re. Talking about one of those extremely High Suc Tori toilets. But getting Back to commissioner Perry and his wife the Star Banner reports that at commissioner Perry a suggestion mrs. Perry was planning to take a handgun with her to Miami. As she was packing however she discovered that the gun was jammed so she brought it to commissioner Perry who was standing in front of his closet deciding on what to Wear. He was working on the gun when suddenly unexpectedly it went off. A you have probably already guessed what Hap Pence the Bullet a in yet another of the senseless tragedies that we read about All too often these Days. A went through nine of commissioner Perry a dress Quot shirts. A. Quot v. 7 a those shirts Are $25 to $30 apiece a he told the Star Banner. A terrible waste you say yes. But sometimes you must pay a Price for vigilance. In today a crime Ridden society there could very easily have been a criminal hiding in the Back of commissioner Perry a closet planning to steal enough Money to afford air fare to Miami. And this criminal could easily have been penetrated by norms Bullet which would have meant that he the criminal also the horse if com missioner Norm kept one in there would no longer be roaming the streets and victimizing innocent people instead he would be successfully suing commissioner Perry for millions of dollars. So let me just state As a South Florida resident How grateful i am to commissioner Perry for caring enough about his wife a safely to want to Send her Down Here with a handgun. The one thing we need More of Down Here is armed people which is Why on behalf of the chamber of Commerce i am urging everybody who is thinking of visiting South Florida to feel free to bring the weapon of his or her Choice although we do remind you that before you travel with a gun you should take the Standard precaution of test firing it in commissioner Perry a closet. A 7. A a 7 a also flush with care 1 a a the Miami Herald a a
