European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - February 13, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse When cupid s Arrow turns into a weapon by Sabine Reichel special to los Angeles times of matter How much we try to cover it up the truth is this the relationship be tween men and women is dark irrational and turbulent defined by ambivalence and laced with underlying hatred. Unexpressed violence is a part of this archaic and basically primitive relationship. Sex and its seductive and urgent Powers Are not about fairness niceness and Equality the homicide squad can Tell you that. Living with men without getting beaten up or put Down is about survival tactics about smarts about the Power of intelligent judgments about self Reli Ance and most of All about responsibility. Lorena Bobbitt was abused no doubt and yet she stuck around. When she realized that she had mar ried an abusive Roughneck she sought a restraining order but failed to show up to Complete the paper work. " / the degree to which Many women tolerate outrageous acts by men be it physical violence verbal abuse or just Plain bad behaviour is staggering. Ignoring the obvious warning signs women marry violent alcoholics they Are sure they la cure him with love and Are surprised when they Are repeatedly beaten or raped. Is it Hope or stupidity that numbs women s perception As Long As women write senti mental love letters to serial killers in prison Pine away for Mike Tyson marry Donald Trump and willingly have sex with Joey Buttafuoco the future looks grim. The whole Issue of sexual harassment Date rape and so on is really also just a Symbol for the unresolvable conflicts Between men and women. It is loaded with hypocrisy convenient female underdog fairy tales and above All rage and confusion. I believe women have run out of excuses for their own inept irresponsible behaviour. The term victim has been misused until it has lost its punch which is unfortunate for the real victims. Lorena Bobbitt is not one of them. We Are indeed responsible for whom we marry whom we allow to influence and inspire us share our Beds our fears and intimate thoughts. The times when parents sold their daughters for a couple of cows Are Over. Most women can pick whom they want be what they want do what they want when and How they want it. If they wind up with a Jerk woman hater a philandering mama s boy or a Sadis tic two timer it s because that s what they chose it s their own fault. There is a resemblance Between mrs. Buttafuoco and mrs. Bobbitt. Both married heels and losers and both knew it. Whereas mrs. Buttafuoco turned to heroic masochism by taking Amy Fisher s Bullet of love and sticking with her Sleazy husband mrs. Bobbitt turned to sadistic retaliation and took a knife. If one looks at the Many wives who tried to rid themselves of husbands through violence and Mur Der what comes to mind is that they deserved each other fully men and women Are partners in crime and they torture each other with a gender specific Arsenal of weapons that Cut slice wound and scar. The bobbins Are a sordid unsavoury couple the kind i can t stand but see too often who lived in a sadomasochistic marriage both consented to. These wives Are the mentally Lazy disinterested women who Are trapped and bored and angry not because they Are victims but because they prefer having a Man around to living at their own risk. It is often not fear for their lives but fear of living that turns women into the creators of their own misery. Life with men married or unmarried can obviously be hellish Messy and challenging so Don t get will the Donald Maria Trump marriage last married or Don t live together unless you Are mature and can use your brains and judgment. Forget about inflicting Penis penalty in the style of Lorena Bob Bitt. Women Musi strike Back at unworthy men where it really hurts with education self Confidence and Independence. We Are As far from male female Friendship Equality and understanding As we be Ever been and the Mere act of marriage can t turn that around. Maybe conventional marriage Means having unwanted sex sometimes As much As having unwanted conversations unwanted confrontations in Short unwanted company. It s no fun and it s not right but it s what happens when two sexes live under one roof. No married person needs the extra agony of going to. Sleep and not knowing which parts might be missing the next morning tossed along the Roadside. In a lot of marriages the knowledge that something important is already missing is painful enough. Sabine Reichel is the author of what did you do in Tho War daddy growing up German Hill and Wang. Men on the Money with to their need for pornography by Jack Kammer special to the Baltimore Sun Atharine Mackinnon s latest Book has. Re invigorated the Campaign to censor what some Call pornography and erotica. In Only words the University of Mich Igan Law professor and feminist theorist asserts without demonstrating that pornography is intertwined with a culture of violence against women. Repeatedly she insists that a link Between violence and pornography exists. She offers no evidence but the argument is familiar enough men have Power and women have none and pornography is an expression of male control of women. In some spheres of life it May be True that men Are disproportionately powerful but not in sexuality. Sex researcher Carol Cassell in her Book swept away makes Clear what Mackinnon attempts so feverishly to obfuscate. To be Blunt Cassell writes sex has historically been a commodity it s a valuable source of Power. Sexual Power is. The female " similarly in an interview in cosmopolitan mag Azine author Nancy Friday acknowledges that women have always derived Power from with holding but we Don t really need experts and authorities to know the truth of sexual Power. From personal experience most of us understand that if a woman in confrontation with a Man threatens to Cut him off she is coercing him sexually. A Man trying to control a woman typically uses a different tactic the threat to Cut her off would More Likely involve Money men s traditional source of Power. When men misuse their economic Power or Wield it selfishly women legitimately react in ways men May not like. One Way is to fantasize about female economic Power Over men Mackinnon s efforts to suppress men s pictorial fantasies of reversing their sexual subjugation can be supported Only by those who fail to acknowledge women s control of sex or by those who seek to pre serve it. It s no Mere coincidence that much male oriented erotica involves people locked in dog collars and chains. Furthermore one of men s most enduring porno graphic fantasies in t at All about reversing sexual control but equalizing it. An archetype of male Ero Tica is the woman who participates enthusiastically in sex who loves male sexuality who needs not to be cajoled seduced or promised ulterior rewards. Erotica portraying such Joyful egalitarian sex does not demean women any More than men Are denigrated by stories of women and men working cooperatively in an office where men no longer think it is their right to have women fetch them Coffee. Mackinnon capitalizing shamelessly on anti male bigotry would have us believe that erotica is harm Ful. Ironically her greatest effect May be Only to enhance men s need for what she wants to suppress. The More women accept arguments about the inherent cruelty selfishness and danger of male sexuality the More men will need to fantasize possibly by re sorting to pornography about women who offer egalitarian Joyful trusting sexual companionship. We should resist the impulse to kill the porno graphic messenger and undertake instead to frankly acknowledge and discuss sexual Power. Jack Sammor s Book Good will toward Mon women talk candidly about the Balanco of Power Between Tho solos is scheduled for publication this month. February 13, 1994 sunday Page 7
