European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - February 13, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Miss manners Judith Martin dear miss manners when is it not necessary to be a Good sport this was not Good clean fun i m outraged sixty guests men and women aged 30 to 80, had gathered for a 60th-birthday party for a Well respected gentleman at the invitation of his wife. We were interrupted during the Buffet by a hired costumed female who stripped Down to Bra and thong panties while exploiting the embarrassed guest of Honor with risque innuendoes and antics. This was one assumes the irrational gag gift of an Anonymous albeit misguided or mean spirited Friend. The dismayed guests had trouble making Eye Contact looking instead at the floor or ceiling. How does one extricate oneself expeditiously and with a minimum of embarrassment in such a Situa Tion As the honoree or As the guest who would rather not be there gentle Reader society lost a lot of fun when the shocking notion took hold that people should pretend never to be shocked. Those who wish to Shock Are driven to Ever cruder techniques in the Hope of getting a Rise out of people and since their imagination seems to be limited the uns lockable Are subjected to the same dreary gimmicks such As the one you describe. Miss manners advises putting a Stop to this by the simple method of acting shocked. The guest of Honor or anyone else could have stepped Forward and said Young lady put your clothes Back on what would your Mother say now that would have produced a satisfying Shock. Dear miss manners my husband and i have a parting of the Waves the airwaves i should say to wit when he makes a Long distance thank you Call and gets the answering machine he asks the Cal Lee to return his Call. I think he should say that he will Call Back. My feeling is that one does not make a thank you Call and have the other person  for it. I think this also applies to chatty Calls to relatives when one does not take the time to write them. Gentle Reader miss manners congratulates you on making an excellent argument in favor of thank you letters. They Are costly to neither the sender nor the receiver they politely await a convenient time to be read and they do not require a response. 010 Warsaw Poland but a Call of thanks does not require a response either. If your husband insists on thanking by Tele phone he should state his message just called to Tell you we had a fabulous time at dinner last night without asking for a return. In Calls for sociable chatter the schedule of the person called is to be considered not just the Bud get. That is Why people have answering machines. The message then is just called to Chat followed by a second try if the Call is not returned. If it is it May be safely assumed that the other person finds choosing the time to be Worth paying the Bill. Dear miss manners what does miss Man ners think of the new practice of postcards being mailed by stores to those invited to a wedding to in form them where the couple is registered for gifts. These stores have to get the guest list from someone it seems to me that nowadays couples Are getting Picky about what gifts they want to receive. It s like get me what i want or i d rather have the  Al think handing Over my name and address to some store is borderline Tacky or do i need to lighten up _.,. Gentle Reader Picky and Tacky greedy and vulgar is More like what miss Man ners would Call it. The combination of Hopes on the part of bridal couples and the commercial establish ments they enlist to help them does not make this practice respectable. A proper bridal registry never announces itself it Waits to be asked. It need t stammer Blush and de Clare of we Don t really need anything we just want to have you with us on our wedding Day the Way proper brides and bridegrooms should do when approached about presents but it should not take it upon itself to conduct a present raising drive. Dear miss manners what is the proper amount of time that should be taken when employees bring their Newborn babies to the office to show to their fellow workers As a Boss i get concerned when six to eight women make a fuss Over the wee one for an hour which Means six to eight hours of lost work. Am i being unreasonable gentle Reader you will certainly look so if you come Barking Back to work in the presence of new life but miss manners does not actually think you to be so. Neither she suspects do some of the cooing employees who May be overflowing with human kind Ness but nevertheless remember that they have work to do after Only a few minutes of saying of look at How tiny the fingers Are sustained socializing should be confined to Breeks and lunch hours. But the time to say so is when you Call to congratulate your employee on her new baby rather than when the two of them Are on your Doorstep. United feature  incorrect address your etiquette questions in Black or Blue Black Ink on White writing paper to miss manners . Box 91428. Cleveland Ohio 44101-3428. The Quill shortage prevents miss Man ners from answering questions except through this column. � 1994. Canso lists t writers Syndicate pretty women find a thin excuse to complain Erma Bombeck Why does t my heart go out to the woman with the fat hair on the Sham  commercial who pouts Don thate me because i m Beautiful i m into saving the whale and the fight against arthritis so Why is it i cannot find a shred of compassion for this poor unfortunate who is having a bad hair Day and still looks better than i did at my wedding it seems these dazzlers Are becoming quite a Force. I be read countless stories of How Magna mod Els Claudia Christie Paulina and Cindy Are so stressed out trying to keep those bodies Beautiful. The solution is simple. Don t work at it so hard. Recently i read an article that said Beauty is a real liability to women seeking management jobs. The other Side of the Coin is that the Pink Collar jobs clerical nursing or teaching go to the woman who is physically attractive where does that leave the rest of us the big problem with Beautiful women is they Are forever fighting the myth that there s a Strong Corre lation Between a great body and a Low in. Every Day pretty women have to prove they do not have the brain of a food processor. They feel they Are misunderstood. Some men do not help the situation like the judge in Jonestown pa., who dismissed a speeding charge against a female Model because he said her Good looks convinced him that her explanation was the truth. He added he would have doubted her had she been fat and ugly or just an ugly  the same judge previously had released a 19-year old charged with forgery because he said it would be a shame to see a pretty woman go to  Beauty Sells. It Sells every luxury product known to Man cars perfume furs cosmetics jewelry clothes and fantasy vacations. Women like me who Are Plain and embittered about it get stuck with Selling denture creams Laxa Tives floor Wax cat food and toilet bowl cleansers. A Christie walk in my sneakers for a week and you la feel a lot better about yourself. Universal press Syndicate no kidding the average american in love 1. First Puppy love age 13 2. First real love age 17 3. Number of times fall in love 6 4. End of relationships women initiate 70 percent 5. Unrequited love 12 percent almanac of the american people seven stars never nominated for an Oscar 1. Lauren Bacall 2. Glenn Ford 3. Marilyn Monroe 4. Peter Lorre 5. Joseph gotten 6. Myrna Loy 7. Betty Grable world features Syndicate Page 10 sunday february 13, 1994