European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - February 13, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Disclosing How much men really take from women Rosalind Coward the London observer Shelley a film producer in her mid-40s wit scores of credits to her name has one production she is not very proud  years ago she employed a Young male director to work for her. She became besotted with him and when he started an affair with a Young actress she set out to Hurt him. I Don t understand Why i became obsessed with him he was pretty sexist flirting All the time with women Shelley says. But. I tried very hard to make him respond to me engineering All sorts of extra intimate meetings. When he started flaunting this affair with a younger woman i was beside myself. He was mar ried at the time so i sent an Anonymous note to his wife. I started criticizing everything he did and trying my utmost to turn everyone against him. It was t difficult. The office was All female and it was easy to whip up disapproval about his extra marital affair they did t cooperate with him and he started making mistakes. Eventually my partner decided to sack him. In retrospect i do think i used my position to harm him although i think he behaved badly too. He flaunted his affair to Hurt me. I Don t know  docs that admission make Shelley into a monster More frightening even than a tyrannosaurus Rex on the Warpath american author Michael Crichton obviously thinks so. When looking for a hair raising plot to equal the Impact of Jurassic Park he hit on the supposedly terrifying scenario of a Man sexually harassed by his female Boss. Crichton s novel disclosure is being marketed As a talc of our times. The thesis is that As the number of women in Power increases so does the number of women harassing men. Sexual harassment the pub Lishers Tell us is now a Man s Issue too. But is it will Crichton s Book Herald a rash of disclosures by men or is it Only a storm in a Media Teacup Gillian Howard a lawyer specializing in British employment Law says i can t confirm that the sex Ual harassment of men is As common As the Media seem to think. The problem is still far More Likely to affect women. However it docs happen. Recently i dealt with an Indian doctor at a major teaching Hospital who was in terrible distress be cause he was being pursued by a nurse. She phoned him at All hours and when he had to sleep at the Hospital she even came into his bedroom. It was a Case of physical and mental abuse but when he told the consultant he said i should be so Lucky " Barry who went to work in a London stockbroking firm at the age of 25, was tormented by his Boss the 32-year-old woman office manager. At first we got along pretty Well. I found her attractive but because we were working together i thought it was better to keep at Arm s length he says. We saw each other socially a bit but i was never really aware of anything starting to happen sexually. One evening we went out for dinner. We went Back to her Flat and were chatting on the sofa when she leaned Over and kissed me. I confess i thought great1 she was older than me More mature and she was keen on me. It was flattering. So one thing led to another. After a fortnight i began to have serious doubts. I had left a Girlfriend in Bristol and wanted to get Back with her. I was anxious about the complication of having a sexual relationship with a colleague. I arranged to see my Boss ind said we should Fin ish it. Her attitude changed immediately. She set about trying to make my life hell. She abused me continuously and humiliated me in front of other colleagues. At meetings she would ask Why i had failed to do something which i knew nothing about. But while she was doing this she also made up to me. I never knew whether i was going to get vitriolic abuse or sweetness and Light. On one occasion after she had Given me several Days of Rotten abuse she came up to me when i was at the Coffee machine put her Arm around me pressed herself up against me and asked if i had thought any More about our relationship. It was ghastly. I was on the Point of blowing the Gaff and then the partners would have had to choose Between us. But they had already sussed what was going on. They moved me from administration to become a trainee stockbroker. Ironically it May have actually helped my career As i moved quickly out of administration. It was a hell of a Good lesson. It s the Best cure i can think of for  to Many this account might sound like the Messy consequences of an ill judged relationship rather than harassment. However Gillian Howard disagrees this Situa Tion fits the Legal definition of sexual harassment. This woman was sexually tormenting this Man and using her Power Over him to do so. Sexual harassment also includes making the working environment hostile by using sexuality and sexual references to degrade and upset the recipients. It fits on this count  it is this phenomenon the powerful but scorned woman that has led the Media to construct the image of a sexually rapacious Power mad female. Meredith Johnson the protagonist of Crichton s novel is a real Bunny boiler an allusion to the film fatal attraction,.in which Glenn close As the jilted Lover Cooks the family Rabbit. She is a single minded careerist with a voracious sexual appetite a desire to dominate men no Domestic life and no conscience. But it is absurdly misogynist to create such a stereotype in an age when few women hold positions of Power and it remains exceptional for them to use their sexuality to persecute men. However Barry s experience suggests there might be a Grain of truth in male fears. He thinks he suffered because women Are not Good at handling rejection. And there s something potentially lethal in the combination of women with Power but without sufficient experience in How to take sexual initiative and Deal with rejection. He says men have More training in sexual rejection. If you be been trying since the age of 13 to get girls to go out with you you get used to a High failure rate in sex. At an Early stage in an affair there s a lot of test ing the water. You go out to dinner or the theater or even to bed. But when it comes to the crunch a woman might say you re Nice but i Don t find you sexually attractive usually you just accept that. It s not the end of the  most newspaper reports on sexual harassment ignore the subtler psychological aspects of the subject preferring to accept unquestioningly the latest out bursts of male paranoia. The prevailing backlash View is that All claims of sexual harassment against men come either from female harassers or from Harri dans wielding the weapons of political correctness in their vendettas against men /. " real instances of harassment of men tend to be different from the image portrayed by the Media. They Are much More Likely to occur in All female environments or where a women s culture predominates such As in a supermarket or factory. Sheila Brewer senior labor relations officer at the Royal College of nursing says it s easy to imagine in a predominantly female culture like nursing that the women could gang up on a Young Man. An older experienced female nurse might make a Young Man do All sorts of horrendous  the main Issue is about disclosure both for men who Are being taunted and for those manipulated by a female Superior. / Simon Biggs a psychologist who has worked in so Cial services says there Are a number of norms at play which make it very difficult for men to make disclosures. Men Are expected to want sex. Women Are expected to resist. It s not easy for a Man to say he has been manipulated into a sexual situation he does t really want to be in. If he tells other men he s not Likely to get much sympathy. They might say Lucky old you or at least you re getting it or just Tell her to get lost he will find it hard to reveal he has been manipulated or finds it a negative  to make a disclosure about sexual harassment inevitably involves a Man exposing his vulnerability. He either has been the butt of female hostility or he has allowed himself to be manipulated in some Way. Our culture is very resistant to seeing men in these traditionally feminine ways. Harassment of a Man by a woman often consists of a Subtle emasculating pro Cess rather than direct physical threats. A woman can t rape a Man but she can manipulate him physically and if he has an orgasm there inevitably appears to be an element of consent. The Media having stirred up the Issue of the harassment of men Are now Busy running away from its implications. What lie ache heart of the Issue is not just the capacity of both sexes to abuse Power As emphasized by Crichton but the capacity of both sexes to be vulnerable. The Media Don t like to admit that male sexuality is not always predatory and in control and that it can be responsive to women. They find it easier to manufacture the image of the monstrous harpy sinking her claws into men. This mythical creation tells us nothing about real workplace experiences. But it tells us much about male psyche which is More comfortable with the idea of a phallic woman than a feminine Man. Page 24 sunday february 13, 1994