European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - August 14, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Miss manners Judith Martin dear miss manners my Friend refers to her clients in their absence As a ladies a while i say that they should be called  please enlighten us a dinner is at stake. A gentle Reader  two or More female persons Are now addressed to their faces As a you Guys a miss manners has observed and in their absence As a those guys.�?�. Does she get the dinner no perhaps you would prefer to take each other out. You Are right that they should be called a a women in their absence although your Friend is right if she Calls them a a ladies to their faces. Except for miss manners who keeps referring to everyone As ladies and gentlemen in order to encourage them to better behaviour than they often exhibit one uses the term a a ladies socially and a a women otherwise. Those who want to ban the term a a ladies altogether on the grounds that it perpetuates denying them any other role than a social one Are going about Reform in the wrong Way. The Way to improve matters is not to strip female persons of Courtesy words but to insist that usage always be parallel to that for those whom we will generously Call gentlemen. Dear miss manners in my social and professional Circle is a Man in his 20s who flagrantly picks up and dates women who Are not his wife. I assure you that there is nothing i would like better than to mind my own business but the Man actually strolls Over and makes a Point of introducing his current companion holding her hand if not keeping a hand cupped around her derriere often after a passionate kiss or embrace in View of All Presentasi a a in a like you to meet Kelly. She san old  or Quot this is Joyce. She works for Xyz company so you two probably have a lot in  the introduction and a few moments of superficial talk Arentt enough a they sometimes sit through sports event with seats next to mine or attend prolonged dinners or cocktails and in a in their Vicinity for hours squirming with discomfort. When the Many a wife is the one by his Side we speak pleasantly. But when its a Girlfriend i feel that in a the Many a accomplice in his misdeeds if i act normally and Chat or if i say a How do you do a to the new interest. Gentle Reader although she is firmly in favor of a presumption of innocence and is particularly eager not to cast aspersions that would threaten any genuine friendships or business associations Between. Ladies and gentlemen miss manners is having a hard time applying her  to this Case. Your acquaintance is a fool. Had he Only kept his hands to himself in Public miss manners would be the first to insist that you not consider a Mere appearance with someone other than his wife to be incriminating. Well it obviously is. And miss manners would not condemn you for politely condemning him a a which is done by refusing to recognize him. But this is an extremely harsh and conspicuous Way of showing disapproval. You May want some thing a bit lighter. And More damaging. You must still stay within the Bounds of politeness. But it is always polite to inquire after a Many a wife to ask his Friend whether she is also a Friend of that wife a and to remark How Lovely the wife is. Should he try to Brazen it out a and somehow miss manners guesses that brazenness is not unknown to him a you May still administer a Semi Cut by saying a excuse me a and turning away. Dear miss manners imagine my Surprise when one of my aunts in the midst of a conversation about my Little brother a wedding his first and his wife a second suddenly announced a we did no to Send a gift. Etiquette dictates that if either person has been married before no gift May be  is there indeed such a Rule i thought the decision of whether to Send a wedding gift depended upon the degree of regard and affection Felt for the newly married couple. I also found it Odd that this particular aunt who is also known for staffing waitresses and never picking up a dinner Check should suddenly find herself so ruled by etiquette. Gentle Reader miss manners does no to find it at All Odd that people seem to choose and interpret etiquette rules in their own financial favor. But she does no to like it one bit. Etiquette is not in the business of prohibiting peo pie from sending presents As symbols of Good wishes and affection. Nor does it demand presents from those who Harbor no such feelings. The Rule to which your aunt refers is a special Case concerned with the practicality of limiting major presents. It is simply that if one has already sent a present to someone on the occasion of his or her first marriage one need not but certainly May repeat this on the second marriage. In other words if your aunt had Given your brother 18 place settings of Crystal Finger bowls when he got married last year a letter wishing him happiness would do this year. But As he has not married before this Rule does not apply to him As it might to his brides family. United feature Syndicate feeling incorrect address your etiquette questions in Black or Blue Black Ink on White writing paper to miss manners  Box 91428, Cleveland Ohio 44101-3428. The Quill shortage prevents miss manners from answering questions except through this column. Warehouse shopping lose mind gain bulk Erma Bombeck a to my Secretary holds a membership in in a one of Ose warehouse deals where. A i you buy in bulk and save a lot of Jav of j Money. Actually since our family is Down to two the idea seemed ludicrous but i told her id go with her to Check it out which we did. If the Woodstock revival needs toilet paper for 150,000 people i have it. If you want to stuff a mattress with Trail mix to make it firm look no farther than my pantry. I have enough batteries to save 7 every to third world county from darkness. I went nuts. I bought a can of Tomato paste that i can to even lift. I purchased dog food that would last for the next 20 years a if i had a dog. I purchased wedges of cheese that look like Wagon wheels. I done to know Why i did it. There is just something. Intimidating about being a Little person in the Forest of food giants. They were taller than me bigger than me and there were More of them. My problem in buying Large quantities is that i do not have the resistance to store an item on a shelf and Pace myself. I used to buy cake mixes four for a $1. We had cake for dinner four nights in a Row. I  Bear to save them. P i knew when i bought a Carton of Bagel dogs a hot dog wrapped in Bagel Doug hit would be the same thing. I had a Bagel dog every meal until every single one was gone. I can to look at a Bun without Barking. I guess its the old titanic mentality. Eat it All now or you May be sorry. The warehouse shopping idea seems to be gaining in popularity. Its As if we re going Back to the Days of the general store when Sarah and Zeb hitched up the buckboard and Rode 50 Miles to Lay in supplies before the first big Winter storm hit. Shopping has turned into a family affair. There is something there for everyone. I  resist the Large Carton of fresh peaches. I made pies cobblers Jelly preserves left them As tips juggled them to amuse children and shared them. Surely Martha Stewart will know what to do with eight dozen peach pits. Universal press Syndicate no kidding number of languages spoken 1. Mozart a spoke 15 languages 2. Igor Stravinsky a spoke four 3. Elke Sommers a Speaks seven. 4. Stefanie Powers a Speaks six 5. Cotton Mather a spoke seven 6. Explorer sir Richard Burton a spoke 20 they changed their names. Slightly 1. Tim Conway a from Tom Conway. 2. Joan Lunden a from Joan Blunden 3. Warren Beatty a from Warren Beaty 4. Cameron Mitchell a from Cameron Mitzell 5. George raft a from George Ranft 6. Yul Brynner a from Yul Bryner. World features Syndicate Page 8 sunday August 14,1994