European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - August 14, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Words amp Wittry French and voila you May hit a Hopah James j. Kilpatrick. P the writers Art ack in the fall of 1990, according to a clip Ping that just came in the Oregon fish and wildlife journal ran an item about Buck Deer. They often elude a Hunter but occasionally one makes a mistake. A if you re in the right place at the right time the Pho pah May yield to you a Wall  now a Hopah is not an exotic animal found Only in Oregon. Pho pahs Are found everywhere mistakes Are made Only they usually Are spelled a Faux  rhymes with a no  there is something about the French language that Many writers find irresistibly alluring. The truism applies especially to writers who know no French. Their name is legion for they Are Many. A take the matter of a coup a pronounced Coo As in Bill and Coo the romantic duo. The associated press reported a Golf match a year ago that involved Bernhard Langer and Chip Beck. This is what happened a Langer put the Coupe de Grace on Beck with a stunning Eagle on the 13th  Well now there is no such thing As a Coupe de Grace unless we Are talking about graces sporty two door machine. The Apps sportswriter had the right sense of the thing for a couple Grace with a Pup tent Over the a is a final stroke of mercy. It is the shot fired by a Hunter to put a wounded animal like a Buck Hopah out of its pain. Nothing very complicated Here. I venture no howling objection to throwing in a coup Degrace when the phrase properly applies but we ought not to use it wrongly. A special writer for the Portland oregonian described a Home remodelling project a couple of years ago. The owners ripped off some fake Brick panelling and found usable bookshelves they found Fine leaded Glass panels behind some plywood a but peeling the carpet off the floors was the coup de  in this context coup de Grice did no to fit. The remodeler had a coup de Bonheur perhaps a stroke of Good Luck but Why French Ify the Story beneath the carpet they found some Fine Oak flooring. All Clear at least the oregonians reporter spelled it right Many writers Muff it. Another a reporter had trouble at the trial of the Menendez Brothers for murdering their parents. A medical examiner testified that a the fatal close Range shot to Jose a head was most Likely a final coup de gras.? straighten up a gras Means a a fat in French As in foie gras fat liver. Pronounce it a Grah a As in Hopah. In the same zoo with Pho pahs and coupes is the interesting Viola. Mrs Phyllis Lovegren of Indianapolis sighted it and cited it in the local spotlight two years ago. In a letter to the editor a Reader spoke of congressman Andy Jacobs. Whenever voters react to a hot topic the Reader observed a Viola Here a  this rampant beast with its Low musical growl appeared in september in the weekly Columbus Ohio guardian. A feature writer was growling at a doll. Evidently the doll has a pregnancy component. In one configuration it looks As if she had swallowed a Beach Ball. But then just like magic a Flat Tummy May be popped into the fat Tummy a place. A Viola a the Only Viola of my acquaintance appears in twelfth night where she Falls in love with the Duke Orsino. She was reportedly not pregnant at the time. Other violas sit Between the second violins and the cellos they Are rarely seen because the conductor is always in the Way. Moral writers who done to know their French will Dine on Pho pahs. Sad to say Pho pahs taste like crows. A Universal press Syndicate finding More comfy havens than Woodstock Tony Kornheiser i wont be going to Woodstock this time. I wont be watching a bombers Riding Shotgun in the sky turning into butterflies above our nation.�?�. I can sum up Why in one word port a potty. A a a. A a a a a Here show you know you be reached Middle age a you make much ado about the Loo. Its not that i done to want to see Joe a a altar Cocker or Bob Dylan. Of course i do. To gloat get a Load of those faces. In be seen less wrinkles on a Shar Pei. I stare into the vacuum of Dylan a eyes and say,.�?ohey, do you want to. Take a meal a i still love the music. But in a 25 years older. In a not suggesting we re spoiled but there Are certain accommodations we of the Woodstock generation look for in a concert these Days. Like Valet parking. I done to want a Long hike to my seats especially if there is As much mud As the original Woodstock. That Slop is terrible on $200 Cole Haan italian loafers. A /. Quot / a. A a and if its going to be a weekend id like a Golf package. A ,.maybe i could get in a foursome with David Crosby a though he s a Little big to share a Golf cart with. Crosby is one of the few performers you wont need binoculars to see. If he were any wider head need a running lights. A up until a few Days ago there were dueling Woodstock. One was in Saugerties n.y., and it promised 28vi hours of music Over two Days a about the same As an average grateful dead guitar Solo. This one Woodstock �?T94, is apparently aimed As much at those whiny sponges of generation a since it features their bands like nine Inch nails arrested development and spin doctors. What kind of name is nine Inch nails anyway whatever happened to names that made sense like Strawberry alarm clock or moby grape the other Woodstock with Richie havens and John Sebastian was supposed to replicate the original one right Down to the site on Max Yasgur a Dairy farm. Yasgur had the Good sense to die so he was spared the embarrassment of finding out that the promoters pulled the plug when they sold Only 1,600 tickets. Maybe nobody wants to go Back to Woodstock. A did no to people sit on the ground a a Young lawyer asked me incredulously. Yes on the ground in the mud As it poured for three straight Days. And there were no showers and very Little food. It got kind of Gamey. Who wants to replicate that a if in a going to put up with that kind of body odor in do rather be in France a my smart Friend Martha said. A at least id be eating  thinking Back the Only Way anyone got through the original Woodstock was on drugs. And you can to take acid now a it contraindicated with the prozac. You reach an age and a station in life a marked by the use of the word a a chalet in casual  where camping out Isnit practical anymore where you find yourself choosing a vacation spot because of its proximity to a same Day dry cleaner. In a not saying seeing the who  be Worth spending one night in some sort of Hasty lean to if every aaa Motel within 100 Miles were full in a just asking would i be Able to store All my dermatological necessities at night i put on so Many solutions i think in a Sherlock Holmes. A part of me is tickled by the thought of a legion of us sitting in a Meadow All trying to make Calls on our cellular phones at once creating a Buzz that sounds exactly like the opening Riff from eight Miles High. But i get a sense of dread thinking about what the new Woodstock might look like at midday thousands of pot bellied has beens slathered with Sun Block reclining in lounge chairs with blankets Over our legs like we re on the deck of the titanic listening to country Joe sing a and its one two three t sitting out Woodstock in August 1969. A what Are we fighting for a and honestly not remembering. The truth is that none of us could take 28 i hours of anything because none of us has any attention Span anymore. Done to you sometimes Start walking Down to the basement and you get to the fifth step and you forget Why you re there i done to even have a Long enough attention Span to sleep through the night. A a a a a. A a a a a a a. A a a a a a a the True zen dilemma is what would we Wear to Woodstock if we Wear tie dyed shirts and Gauze dresses we re poseurs. On the other hand in dockers and Polo shirts we re poseurs. And we could hardly Wear what we wore to the original a which was absolutely nothing people walked around completely naked although by the third Day you  Tell because the mud was covering up the Good stuff. A \ in t that the True fault line of the generations when you re 20, you can walk around naked and not scare anybody. When you re naked Over 40, you scare yourself. Creators Syndicate