European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - August 14, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Here comes the Bride and also the of Guy Dave Barry to Well i finally got to perform a wedding ceremony. On july 9, in fort Lauder Dale fla., i officially tied the matrimonial knot for two consenting adults. It was a deeply moving Cere Mony and the Bride looked Radiant in her temporary Teeth. But i am getting ahead of my Story. You May recall that a while Back i wrote a column stating that i was an official notary Public in Florida and i was eager to commit a wedding. That column generated quite a bit of mail including some letters from irate notary Public who Felt that i was making fun of notary Hood. For example Samuel Michak a notary from West Wyoming a wrote a letter in which he stated defaming the notary Public office is not humorous to  or. Michak further stated a notary was called upon when Columbus discovered  i frankly had not been aware of this. I bet it was a dramatic moment in notary history when Columbus waded ashore in the new world Columbus and i therefore claim this land in the name of Ferdinand and Isabella of Spain. Notary Public of so your name is Fernan do Isabel \ Columbus no i m Columbus. Notary Public getting auspicious i m Gonna have to see a photo id. Anyway among the other letters generated by my notary column was one from Pat Callahan of fort Lauderdale asking if i d perform a wedding for her and her Fiance Phil Taylor. Pat said she d asked Phil How he Felt about having me do the honors and he d said quote  Phil is a Man of few words. Here is Pat s account of How he proposed to. Her one Day he was telling me what needed to get done and he said we needed to Register the boat get a fishing License and get a marriage License. So i said wait a minute what was that again and he said Register the boat get a fishing License and get a marriage License so i said Are you serious and he said yeah we be got to Register the boat " or. Romance. So i told Pat i d be Happy to do the wedding. It was an informal backyard ceremony with everybody wearing shorts and hawaiian shirts and leis except for Pat and Phil s dog Maya who just wore a Lei. When i arrived the women were preparing food and inflating balloons and the men were attempting to put up a Complex canopy in the Back Yard one of those contraptions with about 273 aluminium pol Sand no instructions. We finally got the thing up by using the ultimate Guy weapon duct tape. I Hope that women never find out about duct tape because once they do men will no longer serve any useful purpose the Bride was showing great composure consid ering that just a week earlier her dentist had sex tracked her four top front Teeth following an Acci Dent in which she tripped on an electrical Cord and hit the floor face first. I told the dentist she said that if the temporaries did t look Good i was going to put a Little explanatory note with his name on All the wedding  also looking very Nice was the Happy couple s driveway which had recently had 10 tons of pea Rock dumped on it "6 tons too Many noted Pat. Phil had spent hours raking the driveway to a Beautiful White smoothness for the big Day. The guests parked on the Street. Phil won t let anybody Park on his pea Roc noted Pat. Music for the ceremony was provided by Jennifer Rudzinski who played Here comes the Bride on a tuba with spider webs Down inside the big Hole. I realize that the song is not technically named Here comes the Bride. The actual name is the William Tell overture Jennifer also served As my backup notary she told me that she once performed a wed Ding  Pat and Phil i went with a simple ceremony. I pointed out that it was a solemn occasion then turned to Phil. I will now ask you Phil i said if you have a lengthy Heartfelt and sensitive statement about marriage that you wish to make at this  no said Phil. This was to be expected. Phil s original idea was that during the ceremony he d just stay in the bedroom an d at the proper time he d yell of out the window. Pat also had nothing sensitive and Heartfelt to say so i gave them advice on having a Good relationship. Pat i said suppose that you have taken up virtually All the bathroom storage space with your skin care products. You need to think about Phil. Does t he need bathroom storage space too no said Pat. My main advice to Phil was when you re looking to get Pat a Nice romantic gift do not think in terms of  after that i read the traditional wedding ceremony provided by the Florida state notary office. At one Point it stated that Phil and Pat had pledged their troth.". What s a troth asked Pat. I did t know but Pat and Phil pledged it anyway. Then i pronounced them husband and wife and the tuba struck up the song they always play at the end of a wedding and everybody applauded except Maya the dog who wagged her Tail in Joyful tribute to the Happy couple. Also she probably sensed that there was going to be food. Miami Herald Fly Vuk Page 24 sunday August 14, 1994