European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - October 16, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                All alone in the Muse and raving mad by Kevin Cowherd Baltimore Sun oct your dog hate to see you leave i docs your dog cry urinate defecate destroy the House when Home alone if so he May be suffering from separation anxiety and be eligible to participate in a major pharmaceutical company sponsored  and in new York newspaper. Don t go Phil is what i said. He was in the foyer reaching for his briefcase and that goofy hat he wears when it s raining. Phil i said every time you leave it just tears me up and i. .1 worry about you so much. ,\ " ". This is what i told him Only if came out Woof Woof Woof like it always docs and Phil just stared at me with that clue less look on his face. He might be the dumbest human being i be Ever seen. Coco get out of the Way he said. I m late for. Which is when i caused that big scene started jumping lip on him and scratching at his Raincoat and Yelling Phil please take me with you. I la be Good i swear. You won t hear a Peep out of me at the office. Please Phil please i m begging you i Don t know. I try to speak slowly and articulately but it always comes out Woof Woof Woof which they Don t get and which annoys them after a while. Sometimes they even Tell you to shut up. This time Phil pushed me aside with his leg and sauce de out the door. Then he slammed the door in my face and i Yas left with that awful silence. The heat is on Vii thethis cozy cat by Doug Weatherly Providence journal to says cats arc dumb creatures they Are dumb in that they Lack the Power of speech but in reality they Are smart and perceptive and the Little devils can plan ahead. Our cat is sort of Ordinary a Long haired thick coated bundle of endless hunger whose principal Aims in life Are food and warmth. But talk about being smart this cat dotes on your Standard dry food Crunchy or soft which she generally vacuums up effortlessly from her Saucer on the Kitchen floor. Of you say what s smart about that Well there s a difference at times. Our cat will approach the Saucer give an approving sniff then plonk she drops to a reclining position then extends her Paw to select the food piece by piece with gentle tentative gestures. Now to her other preoccupation warmth. Any other cat1 would spend the night snuggled in the Cor Ner of an armchair or enthroned on a pile of Linen in the Utility i bom but no our Little treasure has far Superior plans. She prefers to snooze on the bed. No sooner am i in All Coz cd up and ready As they say to slip into the arms of morpheus than she leaps up and goes through that timeless kneading routine that has distinguished cats for millennia. Is she con tented judging by the music of her concerto in a Bod yes. Superbly. But Here is where the cat s native cunning and Barsotti Usa of get ready Here comes a couple of salesmen. They re laughing at the sign and pointing at me apparently at that Point i just went berserk. All i remember is scratching frantically at the door and Yelling Phil Phil come Back then i jumped on the Couch by the window and watched him  the Buick and then i ran Back to the door and began scratching scratching scratching again. I thought i was going crazy. I was Barking and Barking and pretty soon there was this loud ringing in my ears which thank god turned out to be the  i started running around in circles i thought i was losing it. I really did. / anyway All that happened this morning. Now i m just sitting Here on the Couch staring out the window and waiting for Phil to come Home. The boredom is what kills you. You get up in the morning and he walks you and feeds you. Then he Schwadron Usa foresight come in. I turn on my Side. Pause. Much kneading pulling tugging going on meantime. Then plonk she collapses in a Heap with her spine nudging mine so As to draw from my weary old. Bones every caloric of heat she can Muster. After a while things Start warming up and i have to make a decision for our combined heat can be overpowering. So As gently As i can i Inch away from her. A Cooling Relief but that Little tyrant slips her reasoning Powers quickly into gear and with a deft shimmying motion like a miniature Hula Hula she repositions herself and once again we Are spine to spine in feline human . Suddenly she decides that she needs  her leaves for work and you think now what sleep a Little stare out the window Chew the hell out of the Rattan chair downstairs that s basically All i do All Day. It s not much of a life. Every once in a while the ups Guy pulls up in his truck to. Drop off a package and i la Start Barking like a nut and hurling myself at the door. But it s All an act. Tell you the truth wish the Guy would come in. I could use the company that reminds me of the time i was about a year old and Phil was leaving find he said take care of the House Coco and Don t let any strangers  and i m like what you gotta be kidding me Phil. I m a Cocker Spaniel for crying out loud i see some Guy climbing through the window with a ski mask and a gun i m heading the other Way Pronto. Hey i m not about to take a Bullet for anyone in this House Jaeck. V.-. /. In fact As he was leaving that Day i said Phil you re so Woi tied about Security get yourself a Rott Veiler or a German Shepherd one of those big aggressive mutts. A  /. I. But for the 400th time it came out Woof Woof Woof and Phil just gave me a Pat on the head and walked out the door. The thing is i Don t know which is worse some times being alone or having Phil around the House. The other Day he says a Mon  s go out in the Back  right away i m thinking Phil Are we Gonna play that stupid game where you throw the Tennis Ball and i gotta run after it and bring it Back in the first place god knows where that Tennis Ball has been. Plus i end up getting All that fuzz from the Ball in my Mouth. It tastes awful makes you gag i what it does. " r v " but for some reason Phil gets a big kick out of seeing me run around like a Lunatic after this Ball and then collapse from exhaustion what was that was that a car door is Phil Home boy he s really Gonna be steamed when he sees that Rattan  i can see the look on his. Vaw it s not him. It s t he next door neighbor. Who re is Phi i anyway ? he said he d be Home by 6. Los Angeles tires Washington Post news. Service Feggo Usa now you want a Tattoo engine at the Saucer in the Kitchen and up she Bounds. I can hear from afar her relentless crunch crunch crunch and i enjoy the refreshing coolness that her absence brings. But just As there s no Relief for the wicked so there s none for cat doting people either. Back she comes. Leap knead plonk and in the twinkling of a whisker she is locked into my Backbone again to enjoy the heavenly warmth she craves. You still maintain that cats can t reason and plan if you do you Don t understand Felis domestics by the Way our cat s name is tickles. We re thinking of changing it to plonk. Scripps Howard news service Page 8 sunday october 16, 1994