European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - October 16, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Miss manners Judith Martin dear miss manners Only Days after my final breakup with my significant other he sent me a Beautiful and expensive birthday present from a catalogue. He lives overseas and the breakup which came after a lengthy Exchange of letters was amiable but traumatic. I am not particularly Happy to receive the present despite his generous impulse because it evokes pain Ful memories. But to return it seems churlish and vindictive. There was talk of our remaining friends but i am neither optimistic nor enthusiastic about that Prospect. Gentle Reader miss manners found her thoughts Drifting from your painful troubles to the painful troubles of the postal service. She has decided that he knew that getting you this present would take forever and therefore he ordered it so Long ago when everything was Fine Between you two that he has forgotten its existence. Maybe not. But you might find it useful to assume this if you want to return the present. A note expressing deep thanks along with your belief that it would t be fair of you to keep something he must have ordered before the breakup would accomplish the purpose of refusing it pleasantly. He is unlikely to want to go to the trouble of packing it All up again and sending it Back. This May be the Best Way to discourage lingering attempts at Friendship. However if you do keep the present you might refer to it in your letter of thanks As an extremely generous parting gift dear miss manners what in the world should a hapless dinner guest in someone s Home do when spotting a Large cockroach or spider perilously Nicaj Are table i know a loud shriek is not in order. Gentle Reader shriek loudly. You Are right that this is not one of the usual tac tics of etiquette but this is a special Case. Anything you could say calmly quietly and Gente Elly such Asoh dear to there seems to be Little creature head ing for the table should we perhaps head it off would rudely suggest that you expected such a visitor in such a place. Therefore your Choice is Between yikes and pretending that you Don t even Sec the cockroach running toward your plate and slavering with anticipation of tearing into your dinner. Just a minute while miss manners gets a grip on herself. She is not. She must remind herself writing for the comic books Haramija Koprivica Croatia if you wanted to sacrifice yourself on the altar of etiquette you could ignore the problem. But miss manners severely limits the number of times she re quires martyrdom of the mannerly in order not to discourage people from practising etiquette at All. Dear miss manners Why is it so rude to sing at the table my friends and i have been wondering. Gentle Reader miss manners presumes that you Are too Young and or too Well behaved to give people at your dinner table the impression that you Are drunk. Yet that is one of the Kinder explanations offered when people elect to entertain themselves instead of being entertained by others present. Conversing and eating Are thought to be quite exciting enough without adding song. And if you Are Only talking about tuneless humming that is worse. Not Only is it taken As a sign of boredom but it also drives the hearers mad. But miss manners would not go so far As to de Clare that singing at the table is always rude. You May sing Happy birth Day Hon the cake arrives and a idling syne when the new year arrives. Dear miss manners my husband who works in engine research mostly works with men although the company hires women engineers and chemists. He has always wanted me to do my very Besten courage me through school and to full time work and is also caring and encourages other women to. Seek their potentials. At work he was going through a door and a woman walked up behind him. He opened the door and allowed her to go ahead of him. I be got two Good arms she retorted. My husband was speechless. Still is. He resisted the urge to run inside and hold the door shut but How does one respond in this situation gentle Reader miss manners finds this ques Tion discouraging. She has been trying for decades now to get across two not so simple ideas and if she had succeeded this problem would have been stamped out by now. Not rudely of course. That s one of the two Les sons. Deliberately interpreting an obviously kindly meant Courtesy As an insult is something miss Man ners classifies As a High crime. The society really does not need vigilantes to go around stamping out the pitifully few remaining attempts to be polite. Anyone who is eager to be pushed aside and to have any genuine need for help met by whats matter lady your arms broke can surely get her fill. At the same time miss manners has been trying to teach the idea that gender specific manners Are out of place in professional life. Manners that seem to say of my Stop everything there s a lady Here May be charming socially but they Are a Handicap to those who Are trying to be identified Primar ily As in this Case engineers. United feature Syndicate feeling incorrect address your etiquette questions in Black or Blue Black Ink on White writing paper to miss manners . Box 91428, Cleveland Ohio 44101-3428. The Quill shortage prevents. Miss Man ners from answering questions except through this column. Forges Usa what do Brooke Jesse Zsa Zsa really do Erma Bombeck. Afew years ago i found myself on a cruise ship with a lot of fun people writers politicians artists including Lauranc Rockefeller and his  took one of my Fric Nils aside one evening and asked what does or. Rockefeller do i really did t say it to be funny or disrespect Ful i honestly did t know if he went to an office building and wrote checks All Day headed a foundation sat on boards or what. It turned out he is very productive and involved but since then there have been a number of people about whom i would ask the same question. Did you Ever wonder what Brooke Shields does for a living i see her at Wimbledon in the Good. Seats. She appears regularly on lifestyles of the Rich and famous where she s helicopter ing Over to some Paradise Island belonging to the Forbes family or to some Sultan s tent. She spends Christmas with Bob Hope and when. Michael Jackson was single she used to visit him at his Home. Another person who has always been an Enigma to me is Jesse Jackson. I know he s involved with the Rainbow coalition but i be never seen anyone who shows up at so Many places for so Many causes. If Jesus shows up in Waco he s there. If a baby Falls Down a Well he s there. If there Are peace talks in the Mideast he s at the table. At the top of her form As a professional celebrity is Zsa Zsa Gabor. She continues to be everywhere make news hourly and command attention wherever she goes. Americans Are suckers for name recognition. They be been known to vote for a dead Man because he had a familiar name. Who knows maybe Well Wake up one Day and Brooke Shields will be president. We still won t know what she does All Day. Universal press Syndicate no kidding the answer is jeopardy 1. Number of shows filmed per year 230 2. Filming Days per year 46 3. Shows filmed per Day 5 4. Answers and questions per year 14,030 5. Contestant applications per year 250,000 6. Contestants per year 500 7. Foreign versions of show 7 the jeopardy Book by Alex Trebek. And Peter Barsocchini Harper perennial Early to guest shots by 7 famous stars 1. Raquel Welch appeared on Mchale Navy 2. Burt Reynolds on gun smoke 3. Farrah Fawcett on / dream of Jeannie 4. Cheryl Ladd on the Partridge family 5. Jody Foster on Mayberry . 6. Arnold Schwarzenegger on the streets of san Francisco 7. Jerry Seinfeld on Benson world features Syndicate Page 10 sunday october 16, 1994