European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 06, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Odds & ends miss Mann is Judith Martin dear Las manners i am 23 years old and i get very offended when salespersons and clerks address me Asma  am i Correct in my Assumption that it would be More appropriate to address me As miss As i am unmarried have no children and am under the age of 30? is it appropriate for me to gently Correct such offenders gentle readers is it appropriate for miss Man ners to put her head Down on the table and weep dear lady unless you would rather be called a girl women have spent the better part of this Cen Tury struggling to be treated with respect to be valued for something other than their youth and not to be classified by their marital status. Arid you Are proposing going around teaching people the opposite. Fortunately chastising people who Are obviously Only trying to treat you with Cour Tesy is not allowed by the rules of etiquette. So you Are barred from delivering reprimands that would ruin things for the rest of us. Miss manners suggests that you learn to accept and enjoy such a respectful title Asma  there Are far worse alternatives around dear miss manners i hosted a baby Shower on a sunday afternoon when it happened to overlap with part of the local nil team s game. Two guests relatives of the guest of Honor insisted on watching the remainder of the game at my House going into the family room with my husband and two other male guests. They also requested cof fee and after i poured it asked if they could have it in different cups As they did not like the ones i gave them. I refused saying these were the cups i was using for the Shower v when i was serving lunch i heard them remark that they wished i had used paper dishes instead of Glass because they were uncomfortable using fancy things. The dishes Are pretty but not expensive and i used them frequently. I also do not like to use throwaway things As i try to be environmentally conscious gentle Reader it did not require any deep in of sight on miss manners part to discover that these people wildly resented having to be anywhere in the neighbourhood of a baby Shower at least not on that particular sunday. But in suggesting that you consider confining future such events to the ladies in your Circle of con sult sports schedules before you plan them miss manners by no Means intends to excuse these guests Schwadron Usa 0 1994, cartoonists 4 writers Syndicate about this deduction for business mileage astronaut  for their rudeness. Of the Choice decent guests face is to decline an invitation or participate graciously just As if they were grateful for the hospitality. To reject flout or at tempt to redirect the terms of this hospitality i unspeakable. Miss manners Only Hopes that the father of that innocent unborn child is not one of the offenders. He would be a dreadful example.? dear miss manners my father believes it is polite for the guests to help the Host Clear the table. I Don t mind carrying my plate to the Kitchen if i am having a casual dinner with people i know Well but we were recently at the House of someone we did not know very Well at a fancy dinner with their Best China Crystal Silver Etc. At the completion of the main course but before dessert the others were involved in conversation when my father told me to take my plate and put it in the sink. I objected because i was t sure if it was proper but my father insisted i follow his orders so i picked up my plate until the hostess stopped me protesting that there was no need for me to help Clear the table. The incident embarrassed me. I consulted my friends and some believe that at the end of dinner All the women should help Clear the table and Wash the dishes but others said i should t carry the Good China Back in Case i drop arid break it. Are gue to at a formal dinner expected to Clear the table if not what do i do when my father insists i do ,. Vyth. Xxv gentle readers miss manners likes helpful Young people every bit As much As your father does and would t want to encourage his child to defy him. But he is unfortunately putting you in the Posi Tion of the proverbial boy scout who insists on helping old ladies Cross the Street whether they were going that direction or not. If there Are no servants in attendance it is Grace Ful for a Young person or close family Friend to ask the hostess if she would like help. Many do not and that is their decision. If she says no the Only polite recourse is to desist. � but a yes would still not mean that you should bus you own dishes As if you were eating in a food court. You would then get up and help remove the plates of the other guests. If you can make your own offer your father would not need to give you orders in front of others itself As offence against etiquette As Well As your feelings. And the idea that gender rather than youth and intimacy is the determining Factor is spoiling miss manners digestion but should he do so anyway you need merely say certainly father mrs. Plimpton May i help you you will have obeyed Hirn but then you must obey her when she asks you to sit Down. ". United feature Syndicate. Feeling incorrect address your etiquette questions in Black or Blue Black Ink on White writing paper to miss manners . Box 91428, Cleveland. Ohio 44101-3428.the Quill shortage prevents miss Man ners from answering questions except through this column � Martin f Toronto Canada uncovering what s causing royals to Wail Erma Bombeck ust when a Day passes by that i Don t hear about the British monarchy another Book comes out. There Are a number of professional writers who make their living publishing books but most of them Are people who Are put of work an like the sound of saying i m writing a  this is True of the Royal family and those who work for them. They Don t have enough to do. The latest volume is the sad Story of a Prince who got kissed by a Beautiful Princess and turned into a Toad. Prince Charles has authorized a biography to tied the Prince of Wales. Itis a tale of How he was dominated by his father the Duke of Edinburgh and his Mother the Queen. The parents Are said to refer to the epistle As that turgid book.". .-.-.  a the Way i look at it the kid is 46 years old now. He goofed up. What Are they going to do Send him to his 3,464 rooms take away Scotland and threat-7 in to give it to his brother the conflict Between Prince Charles and his parents began the Day he was born. They figured he d go into the family business Mon arching. There in t a father in the world who does t visualize that. But you can t outline your kids lives like a Road map. If that were True i d be the Mother of a son who is a supreme court Justice another son who is Steven Spielberg and a daughter who is married to William Gates the computer billionaire. � those of us who have raised kids know there is a time when our words fall on deaf ears in spite of the Perks. Sometimes As Early As age 6. Do they listen Don t eat six hot dogs and go on the teacups ride at  Don t buy that convertible with 193,000 Miles on  try not to get serious about a divorced woman with four children under 5 whose sex husband is serving time for aggravated assault and has a Serpent tattooed on his Chest Matching  it s like talking to a Wall. V v subservience among Royalty used to work. But now kids seem to answer to no authority higher than Barney or Michael Jordan. Prince Charles May never be King. But with the wealth and size of his family he could Start a publishing House and live Well off their stories for the rest of his life Universal press Syndicate no kidding 5 who received Wii honors 1. Jimmy Stewart distinguished flying Cross 2. Charles Durning 3 purple hearts and Silver Star 3. Efrem Zimbalist purple heart 4. Telly Savalas purple heart 5. George Bush distinguished flying Cross 5 who started As djs 1.  Memphis Tenn 2. Soupy sales Cleveland 3. Wink Martindale Memphis Tenn 4. Sly Stone san Francisco 5 Waylon Jennings Lubbock Texas world features Syndicate Page 10 sunday november 6, 1994