European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 27, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse Rock solid reasons for Stone age types Joe Bob Briggs goes to the d rive Ine very once in a while some photographer or hiker or anthropologist or somebody finds a new Stone age tribe living in Papua new Guinea or Borneo or the Congo or the Amazon River Basin. A big article comes out in time Magazine and somebody writes a Book about How gentle and unspoiled they Are because All they do All Day is run around Nek kid in a Cave. And then a couple years later some photographer will go Back there and they la All be wearin Metal Lica sweatshirts and Sellin Bootleg videos to tourists and everybody goes " of in t that awful and then the missionaries show up baptists and catholics and they turn All the Stone age Nek kid people into christians and this makes the anthropologists mad because they think you Ough to leave pm alone and when you ask pm Why they want us to leave pm alone they say so we can study pm and then the tribe people Start buying Evinrud motors for their canoes and trading in their loin cloths for Levis and basically turning themselves into Jungle mall everybody thinks this is really disgusting. Modern civilization has destroyed these a. " " but lemme splain something Here. What if the outer mongolian tribe people want Evinrude Speed boats what if they re sick to death of paddling their Ca noes Allday " what if it s easier to buy cheap Denim work shirts from German tourists than to sew banana leaves together and i Don t much like missionaries either Bull gotta ask. in t it their Gold urn Choice whether they Wanna be baptists or tree worshippers what if Bein a Baptist makes pm 1feel better because they re switching Over from some religion that s full of fear and revenge and superstition speaking of Stone age behaviour this week s flick improper conduct has an actor named John laugh Lin who s so Creepy Sleazy Slimy Geeky oily and generally a reptile in a business suit that this Al most qualifies As a horror s an and executive who gets his Job because his father in Law Stuart Whitman owns the company. And All he cares about is recruiting executive assistants he can sleep with. Halfway decent. In fact Fullway decent. Three dead bodies. Twelve breasts. Multiple aard parking. High Heel to the Groin area. One motor Ye-., hide Chase with crash. Drive in Academy award nomination to Patsy ease As the oversexed ambitious Fox who says you promised me that assistant position if i Testi fied on your behalf four Bob says Check it out. Joe Bob s find that flick this week s weird request comes from big Jim Black of Blacksburg . In the Early 80s, i saw a Frankenstein Type movie at the local theater and have been trying to find the name of it who was in it it s available on tape. /-.-."-. Everest picture Patsy Pease testifies in improper conduct -. -. I do remember that it was in 3-d and was very graphic. The plot revolved around this evil mad scientist Guy who was trying to bring this dead Guy Back to remember the evil scientist Guy caught his assistant molesting a female Corpse which the scientist had recently Cut open Down from the neck to the top of her video will be awarded to the Correct answer. Address is below. Joe Bob s advice to the hopeless Republican Alert the triple screen Bridgehead drive in on High Way 160 at East 18th Street in Antioch Calif., has been sold to a greedy Kmart that coveted this sacred drive in soil. The Bridgehead stood proudly for 43 years. Actually Kmart gets Only eight of the 20 acres. The rest will be retail stores and restaurants like California needs More of Stemler of Brentwood reminds us that without eternal vigilance it could happen Here. Dear Joe Bob a have been Reading your column for a Long time now and being that i have never seen you i sort of developed a picture of what you would look like. Well i was watching the news Thi morning when this Guy who looks like a male stripper comes on to plug your Book Iron Joe Bob. Where was the frying pan scar from the third wife where were the Popcorn butter stains on the hawaiian shirt Tell me it was t you Joe Sonora Calif. Dear Rod. ,.,., i m not proud of wearing those electric Blue Bikini panties. I was Young. I had a self esteem problem. Are you Gonna punish me for the rest of my life. ". /. -. Dear Joe Bob since you asked below Are politically hip lets be Nice in the 90s labels for people. Less Well endowed women minimalist Topography practitioners. Less Well endowed men the extensively Dis advantaged. Bald Guys human solar collectors. Skinny people space savers. Fat people skin graft donors in training. Hired killers hit men population control consultants. The land control management coordinators. . Tex Rhodes san Francisco dear Tex an amazing list. You Are obviously an agitation Al human relations specialist. New York times Syndicate. To discuss the meaning of life with Joe Bab. Or to get free junk in the mail or his world famous newsletter write Joe Bob Briggs . Box 2002, Dallas Texas 75221. Joe Bob s tax number at his trailer House 214 985-7448. Joe Bob on Compuserve 76702.1435. Public radio needs prop from private citizens Linda Ellerbee curious thing. I was listening to Public radio. It was fund raising time. The ple on the air were As they usually Areat this time of year urging us to give them Money. But this was different. This time they talked about politics and what they said was Only the truth. The people on the radio pointed out that no mat Ter what you May think of the outcome of the elec Tion and no matter what you May think of or. Dole and or. Gingrich the fact is that both men have said strongly that they Don t believe the government ought to be in the business of funding Public radio or television. Put another Way the corporation for Public broadcasting is Likely to be Toast really soon. I and Many others have believed for years that it was dangerous for Public radio and television to take Money from the government. I know the rules say the government can t interfere with the program Ming but it s still dangerous. Historical evidence not to mention this past Campaign tells us that if Given half a Chance your average politician will Doris or her Best to manipulate the truth. There have been Many instances when the politicians have taken Over and tried to silence the press there is no re corded occasion when the press has taken Over and tried to silence the politician Sand although i Donot believe Gingrich and Dole actually want to silence Public broadcasting i do believe they think the world would be just Fine without it. I Don to every Day i rely on National Public radio to give me a Clear balanced picture of what s going on. If i Don t hear Bob Edwards voice when my clock radio goes on at 6 in the morning my Day is off to a bad Start and although i Don t watch Public television every Day i m glad it s there. However it s radio that most worries me. My guess is that when the going gets Tough Type a parents who want Sesa me Street for their kids Rich Guys who want to see what War or sport Ken Burns is doing next and ple who run Large corporations that need to sweeten their image will be pressured into giving enough to keep Public television going. Public radio on the other hand will have to de Pend on us the everyday listeners. I know they Al ways say that when they re trying to raise Money but this time they re right. It will depend on us. This is Why i thought what happened was so inter Esting. You see on the morning the people on the radio station i was listening to explained All this and began asking for contributions the phones did Start ringing rapidly. And surprisingly both Democrat Sand republicans were calling because both groups had discovered they had reason to give. Republicans or those who voted that Way were calling and saying right they should Stop your Federal funding if you re to succeed you ought to have to be listener supported and to prove it i m putting my Money where my politics Are and sending you democrats both of them were calling and saying they were sending Money because they saw Public radio As a Point of Light in a rapidly darkening world at a time when democrats and republicans can t seem to agree on the time of Day perhaps you can agree on this Public radio is Worth paying for. And so it goes King features Syndicate. A november 27, 199 sunday Page 21
