European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - November 27, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                A for Effort e for errors William Safire on language of test readers and to pull mail i occasion ally stud my political diatribes with mis takes in English. Etta Safire writes Klaus Perls of new York adding then English die what moved my corrector to this mock horror was this question i posed in telling the Secretary of state How to Deal with North Korea which works Best the Promise of Reward or the fear of punishment instantly spotting the misuse of the superlative in place of the comparative Perls notes i thought that in a comparison of two the word is better bet Ter he is Correct of course though his parody of the conclusion to shakespearean Caesar s remark to the stabbing Brutus then fall Caesar Calls for the parallel then die English in another Case to illustrate the need for the proper placement of modifiers i wrote after talk ing to Hillary Clinton Margaret Williams locks the files in a closet in the third floor family quarters of the White House to which she had the Only key. Calvin Thompson of new York was induced to write who is the Sac Perry Stewart of yellow Springs Ohio added i Don t remember that in diagramming  by the Rule of proximity she ref ers to the nearer antecedent Williams. Upon seeing my phrase our Mutual fascination with espionage Alistair Cooke of new York wrote As if quoting a shocked conservative Leader you mean our common or our shared fascination with espionage. Our Mutual fascination Means our fascination with each other. Our Mutual fascination with anything is nonsense you Dummy and i thought you were the american language Wallah Cooke a member of the on language Board of octogenarian mentors probably took Charles Dickens to task for the title of his novel our Mutual Friend. When i directed the Keystone kops investigating the death of the White House lawyer Vincent Foster to search for a Foster safety Deposit Box John Gebhardt of new York gotcha cd the term is Safe Deposit Box there s no safety involved it s just a Means of keeping deposits  in Tut cutting about the passing of the year of the woman in politics i wrote one sign of women voters political maturity is that the moment of High heeled shoo ins has  most readers were so enamoured of the play on High heeled shoe and shoo in taken from the fixed horse race in which the Winner has been shooed in by corrupt jockeys that they missed the  not so Norman Lindsey of Yardley a should t past be passed elucidating this mistake requires a Lucid exp a nation of the homophones past and passed the Shorter past May be a noun in the pasta preposition drove past the House or a modifier a past life. When forming a verb however you need passed the past participle of pass. The moment of High heeled shoo ins has passed and any attempt to use has past should be passed up. New York times try on these Clinton outlines for size Tony Kornheiser y fellow americans it is with a heavy heart that i report to you the tragic news that the president of the United states has gone bananas.1 apparently the results of the elec Tion were too much to Bear. Psychiatrists will Tell you that the first sign that one is in technical psychiatric terms Riding the Cable car to Giggle land is inattention to personal  did you see that shirt Clinton wore in Indonesia the one that looked like he was High priest of the Luau ,. This is presidential attire what will he show up in next bib overalls the pyjamas with the feet and the trapdoor in the Back a fishnet body Stock ing with lederhosen Don t Tell me about global diplomacy and respect ing local customs. That s hooey. If that s what happened How come Hillary did t sashay out in a Hula skirt and Coconut Shell Bra i la Tell you Why Hillary has not gone bananas. For those of you who saw the shirt in Black and White Only which was hideous enough let me assure you it was a bilious Brown with yellow and Black snakelike designs that made Clinton look like a san Tana Roadie. In one picture he appeared to have really worked it up by putting a pen in his pocket my actual theory is that he was the victim of an elaborate con Job by the japanese who Are still sore at the United states because George Bush threw up on their prime minister. So the japanese delegation told Linton with a straight face that this was some sort of super dignified asian ceremonial garb while secretly chortling amongst themselves knowing this shirt was in fact the asian equivalent of wearing a kick me sign. I la bet every school kid in Indonesia recognizes this shirt As belonging to a to cartoon character unruffled Trio president Clinton indonesian president Suharto japanese prime minister Murayama. Like that fat slug Barney whose theme song is come play with me come share my meal i have no pals i am a  what is remarkable about the slew of pictures of. Clinton and the 17 Pacific Basin leaders wearing these shirts is that captions in the Washington Post the new York times and other highly regarded newspapers did not make fun of them none of these Fine newspapers said what was on everyone s mind which was will you get a Load of those Hose Heads to rectify this inexcusable lapse of responsible journalism i asked my colleagues at the Washington Post to take a look at the picture and contribute their own captions. And As you might guess Given the Opportunity to Stop the incredibly important and sometimes lifesaving work they were doing for the newspaper and take a cheap gratuitous shot not Only at the most Power Ful Man on Earth but also Ai the sacred customs and shibboleths of an entire proud society most report ers and editors eagerly contributed 10 or More Cap. Tons apiece. They Are still coming in. Here Are the Best Stop in the name of  Bill Clinton attends convention of trader Vic s  american right wins third place in Don to lookalike  the Beach boys were never the same after Den Nis Wilson s untimely  president Clinton is slow to grasp the intricacies of the  world leaders Hail Accord on cheaper  As president Clinton hosted asian leaders Fol lowing a Trade pact signing at a popular chinese restaurant he told them get the waiter s attention and Tell him we want two More Pupu platters " during a recent trip to Indonesia Clinton discovers two More  disdain for american imperialism does hot Hin Der asian cover bands such As this Jakarta based version of the three tops i just flew in from Jakarta and boy Are my arms  president Clinton welcomes siamese twins ving and Vang to Washington where doctors from Georgetown Hospital will attempt to separate the 54-year-old Brothers. And while you re in there the president told them see if they can Cut us out of these silly shirts " creators Syndicate november 27,199 sunday Page 23