European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 04, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse A advice for this inner child grow up Joe Bob Briggs goes to the drive in hat is this inner child dealie what Are people Talkin about when they say they need to get in touch with my inner child i be been Hearin this for several years now and Ever time i hear it i sit there like a goo mbah pretending i know exactly what they re Talkin about when what i really Wanna say is hey Fruitcake How bout Gettin in touch with your inner grown up maybe then i could understand what the Heck you re Talkin but i Don t. I just sit there Goi that s right Steve. Maybe if you get in touch with your inner child thingy you would t have to beat up on your Girlfriend All the time. Maybe you d just Wanna play Frisbee with her or something Why is it that All the Guys who talk about their inner child Are potential serial killers. You know the ones baggy eyes head Down when they walk mumbled speech. They re All about As far from childhood As you can get. Hell there Are 60-year-old men trying to play this game. I m still lashing out at my father they la Tell you your father died in 1947, you Igno rant old coot he s a Little pile of mulch by now we could suck him up with a Dustbuster he s not listen ing he does t give two diddly squats about you inner child my Hiney. J and sea Wing of one Man bands this week s flick is Femme Fontaine killer babe for the pm written by produced by and starring Margot Hope As Thel Colleir babe her own set. " " i Haven t seen a quadruple threat like this since Billy Jack. _ to a / a i this is the old familiar Story of the hot Honey who Slinks around the Globe in miniskirts and Lin Gerie bumping off scum balls for the Cia. She s a master of disguise. Her idea of sneaking up on a Guy is to Knock on his door and pretend to be from an escort service. By the time he realizes he did t Call an Escor service Shell have a lethal hat pin buried in his carotid artery. Twenty two dead bodies. Six breasts. Neck crack ing. Two fistfights. Poison Beer. Hot tub electrocution. Exploding skinhead. Acid to the face treat ment. So. Ear Rolls. Gratuitous aardvark Rig. Three Kung fun scenes. Riding crop fun. Blow Dart fun. Drive in Academy award nomination for Hope for saying that la teach you to blow in my ear two and a half stars. Joe Bob says Check if out. 1 Joe Bob s find that Cal this week s Little puzzler comes Down the Pike from Don Hart of Webster Texas hey i _ for you what was the name of the movie with can Niesel Leca and the giant sea Turtle. _ a video will be awarded to the Correct answer. Address is Joe Bob s advice to the hopeless bureaucrat Alert-,.__the Ottawa drive in located in Condo Ridden port Clinton Ohio has been put up for Sale. Chuck Troma Margot Hope and her deadly weapons in Fern me Fontaine killer babe for the Cia. Hush wants us to know that without eternal Vig Ilance it can happen Here. Dear Joe after Reading your review of Malcolm x titled just 37 hours too Long i Felt that 1 simply could t let you get by with this one without giving you a piece of my mind. _ i would t Call it a review but a denigration too even if one does t like Malcolm a the facts of his contributions to the revolutionary social changes exist and go Down in history. _ one of the first criticisms you Point out is and it does t take Long believe you me cause even before the titles Start tru voice of Malcolm is telling us what murderers and oppressors and slime eaters the White Man is a id then they show the Rodney King . you this Isert fiction. Henry rub Irosa ii. h Francisco i started out by saying i like the movie Henry. I like All Black exploitation movies starting with shift. You re the one who s mad about it. " Joe Bob although your Colour in still in t syndicated in Al Lay i d like to paraphrase a personal and that i recently Jiaw in the _ slightly victorian female. 40s, . No Iron Joe bobs 7 "7. Jeff Rothman 1tos Angeles dear Cut ",._. A. Does that mean she wants a total Weenie you see what happens when the feminist move ment gets out of hand we become sex toys. Dear Joe Bob -.-. _ 1 i in the most recent Issue of entertainment weekly there is mention made that 20th Century Fox s Deal with James Cameron does not include the rights to terminator 3. Do you folks have any information on that project Conrad Rubinkowski .. Springfield 111. Dear Conrad a company called Carol co owns the terminator rights and they Haven t decided what to do yet be cause they be been losing so Damn much Money they Don t even know if they la continue to make mov ies. So it s Kinda in limbo right now. ._ of course you can t make terminator 3 unless Arnold personally approves the script and that can take forever because the Man is such a perfectionist. Now York times Syndicate Tadis cuss she Mear Irol life with Joe Bob or to it a to junk in the mail or his newsletter write Joe Boti or , . Box 2002, Dallas Texas 75221. Joe Bob s fax number at Tus train or House 214 985-7448. Joe Bob on Compuserve 76702.1435. Linking parents Drunken driving to child abuse Linda Ellerbee what do you think ought to be done Toa drunk Parent who drives while Chil Dren Are in the car mothers against drunk driving Madd has an idea. It s about to Start a big push to classify the transportation of minors by intoxicated parents As child abuse. In other words prosecute the parents. A recent Case in Texas gives Madd s idea Validity. It happened near the Small town of Wimberly in the Beautiful and beloved of texans part of the state known As the Hill on sept. 23, Shir Ley Draper and her former husband Gregory Cook began drinking together. She had custody of the Chil Dren. He was visiting. So they Draper and Cook were just having a few for old times Sake or something like that. They drank for two Days. On the morning of sept. 25, Cooke stiff drunk decided to take their two daughters out for Breakf m. Shauna who was 10, and Marissa who was 8, got into the car with their father. He could not Susti Ilic a because it had a breath analysing device in it. The device had been installed in order to meet a c requirements of probation to which Cook was i cd tended last july after three drunk driving 3nsplease Tell me Why this Man was still walking the streets much less Why he still had a Driver s Lievy e in order to make the car Start first he had toy breathe into the breath analyser. If he had i c to drinking the car would t Start. No problem. Cook simply told one of his Duy i ters to breathe into the machine. Y according to Paul Hastings the Hays county sheriff Draper later said that she knew the girls Ather was drunk at the time and she knew the girls would have to breathe into the machine to get the car going and keep it going. However she let her daughters go with him anyway. Father and daughters drove away. Not Soojong after that Cook s car skidded off the Road and into a Pond. Every otly in the car drowned. According fax postmortem tests Cook s alcohol level was More than twice the Legal Limi for driving a Texas " Draper has been charged with two counts of injury a child and two counts of endangering a child. She could though it is unlikely get life in prison but As the sheriff says she has two dead children. How fur do you go in terms of punishment the Issue Here is not punishment. The Issue is responsibility. Was she responsible Isay yes. Those two children were killed by their parents drinking. I was luckier. Once several years ago i got into a car with my Little boy and drove the two of us from new York to Massachusetts. The drive took three hours. It was night. There was a storm. You could barely see the Road. Iwas quite drunk ache june. We had a couple of close Calls. That we made it at All i consider to be nothing Short of a Miracle. 3 that night was one reason i quit real izod i was an alcoholic and my alcoholism had Al most killed my kid. Yes i was much luckier than Draper. I try to live a sober life today arid i have a son who is alive who did not die because his Mother was drunk. Out i think should have been Harocd with child abuse that night because that is what it was and iwas guilty. And so it . King features Syndicate. December 4, 1994 sunday Page 21
