European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 11, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Miss manners Judith Martin dear miss manners i am a 46-year-old woman who has been celibate for 10 years and i prefer it that Way. My problem is a Man in my apart ment building who has indicated a sexual interest in me time and time again. And will not give up. I stopped talking to him some time ago but this does hot deter him. He now makes nonverbal advances whenever i encounter him. You can imagine How upsetting this has become since he is a neighbor and i cannot avoid running into him when i go out of my building or on the Street. How would you handle the situation gentle readers not you May be sure As if he were a Lovesick Swain whose Only mistake was to be smitten by a lady who has renounced Romance. It is astonishing to miss manners that in a world where etiquette is so Seldom practice Faith nevertheless remains that it can disarm criminal in tent. The proper division of labor is that etiquette handles problems that Are benignly annoying and heaven knows there Are enough of those while the jaw handles dangerous threats such As stalking and assault. A. / v x ". But Here you Are employing the social technique of offering an excuse your celibacy As if these attentions were merely unwanted rather than indecent. The confusion arises miss manners realizes from modern ignorance about proper courtship manners. Having abandoned the traditional safeguards and standards under the plea that it would be More fun to be open to All suggestions from All people ladies no longer seem to be Able to make a Clear distinction Between suitors whether they Are to be welcomed or rejected and criminals. Here s How you Tell suitors do not make sexual advances to strangers they make social advances. And they do so knowing that they Are defying convention and therefore take precautions to appear harmless. Opening a blame less neighbourly conversation about weather or mail delivery is one Way and finding someone to perform an introduction is another. Note to those who Are now sneering that the Mere notion of requiring an introduction to meet someone is ridiculously Stuffy an introduction Means that at least one person you Trust is willing to vouch for the new person. You would t hire an employee without a reference suitors Are also properly if bitterly or pathetic. 1994, Cano Oniss & enlers Syndicate 9 Cally discouraged when they Are snubbed at which Point even the dimmest among them under stands that the courtship has been vetoed. However reluctantly they do accept the premise that a courtship cannot proceed without the lady s consent. And suitors do not make nonverbal advances miss manners presumes you Are not taking about a neighbourly wave from the Down the Hall without fairly substantial evidence that such will be Welcome. Glad As she is to Clear up this etiquette confusion miss manners insists that you turn Over this problem to the police or at least to the building guards or supervisors. -. Vav dear miss manners my granddaughter loves the Sterling Silver Tea service that i have passed on to one of my sons but he insists that because of the Ini tial it should be passed to his son instead of his daughter. ,. I proceeded to distribute some of these treasures while the grandchildren were Young and hot All born trusting my sons Good judgment and am now starting to have regrets. Based solely on the initial As the deciding Factor on my son s part i disagree. But if your answer is mandatory due to the initial i shall gracefully acquiesce. -. / " gentle Reader although you have already started distributing your possessions miss manners is afraid that your Job of rearing your sons properly has not been completed. There is essential work yet to be done she would be Happy to help you with the etiquette Angle /. / however you might begin with explaining your underlying intent in passing on your property to have it go Down in the family to those who approx date/it.--. V " /. Probably you want things to go to All the grand children regardless of gender. But if he tries to cite tradition you might Point out that it was girls not boys who tended to be left such household items As Silver. Stop there because the rest of this argument is going to Lead to disaster. The boys got the property and the Money in any Case the argument about the initial is totally bogus even aside from the possibility that your granddaughter will keep her Maiden name or has a one in-26 maybe better Chance of marrying some one with the same initial. Having Silver with the initials of one s ancestors shows that one is part of a family tradition and Deli cately suggests that one has inherited one s Silver rather than merely bought it surely you would like to think that Long after you Are gone the hew owner will be prompted by those who notice your initial today proudly Why yes this was my grandmother s Tea .  United feature Syndicate. Feeling incorrect address your etiquette questions in Black or Blue Black Ink on White writing paper to miss manners . Box 01428, Cleveland Ohio 44101-3428. The Quill shortage prevents miss Man ners from answering questions except through this column. Bar Strausberg Germany men keep flexing their sexuality Erma Bombeck n a society where you can attain Fame and for tune by turning letters and Selling vowels to game contestants or breaking into David let Terman s Home on a regular basis it is no sur prise that the newest Media Darling is a Man who takes his shirt off. I be watched the diet Coke commercial and the Man does t say a word. He a a construction worker hunk who Downs his drink while a wind awful of sex deprived Maidens watch his Muscles Ripple. Ordinarily that would t give anyone the cover of psychology today but it happened to Lucky Vanous because he represents an important social change. Men Are now the objects of desire As women have  / ,. \ Vav get outta Here. Ogling men is As old As dirt. What do you think women watched Tarzan movies for to look at cheetah s yellow smile my Mother did t watch Victor mature conquer Rome in Short leather pants because she was religious either. We were just a Little More Subtle than men. What is different is that for the first time men Are marketing their sensuality. Women have been doing it forbears. Burt Reynolds broke new ground when he appeared for a Centrefold and Jim Palmer will Al ways be remembered As the baseball player who modelled men s  few years ago i attended a Tony style show. Twas the first tire i had seen men hit the runway. The women whistled then shouted their phone num Bers like Peg Bundy on married. With children. Don t look for men to stand on a subway grate while the air Billows their night shirts to reveal their underwear a la Marilyn Monroe but beefcake is definitely on the menu for the 90s. Most men Don it realize it yet but being a sex sym Bol is not an easy profession. You do understand i m not Reading from my diary Don t you it Trig Gers eating disorders constant dieting and exercise and Pursuit of youth like an olympic Gold medal. It s an obsession with How you look or How much cos Metic surgery you can afford to get that look a lot of people believe sensuality has gone too  say nothing is left to the imagination. I m not sure. I saw a Calvin Klein and the other Day and not Only did i not recognize any of the Bod parts i did t even know what was being sold. Universal press Syndicate no kidding Indian tribes that practice cannibalism1. Iroquois 2.sioux j 3, ". 4.aigonkin 6. Foxes. Dec tonary of the american Indian by John Stoutenburgh wings books what syphilis was called throughout history 1. By English germans italians the French disease 2. By French the italian disease 3. By persians the turkish disease 4. By poles the German disease 5. By russians the polish disease Napoleon s glands by Amo Karlen Warner books Page 10 sunday december 11, 1994