European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 17, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                World War it fighter Pilot it. Col. James l. Bartimus poses next to his plane in 1943. A father s Day daughter s remembrance editors note a today is a Day to Remeth fathers with phone Calls ties and greeting cards associated press reporter Tad Bartimus Remeth a dad James l Bartimus with a love Story As she recounts his final Days. By Tad Bartimus associated press m save him. Arch 19, monday my father is dying it is my worst childhood dread the terror in the night come True. I sit by his bed and hold his hand trying to Ward off my fears. I am failing in my duty. Cannot there is a scene in the film terms of endearment where the Mother stands at the nurses station and screams for another pain shot for her terminally ill daughter. Now i too stand at a nurses station and Sav quietly politely Quot i think it is time for my dad s shot Quot they look up at me these kids Many of the Myount enough to be my own daughters and say Quot of Well get it in a minute Quot and then go Back to talking about last nights Date a Friend s birthday party. I feel my face contort t have become Frankenstein stand there and fidget my hands Balling into fists my eyes Welling with tears. My eyelids Are already so swollen i can hardly Bear to touch them. I say again Between clenched Teeth Quot i m sorry to trouble you but it is time now for my dads shot. Now. Now. Now Quot my breath gets Shorter. My voice rises to a screech. I turn into a monster in that Antiseptic hallway i Hale myself for being this Way but i seem to have no confred Over my rude behaviour. It seems my Only Way to fight Back against a medical system that has my whole family in its strangling grip of tubes wires Needles thumping noises offending smells and cadre of strangers invading at their convenience our tiny cubicle of pain and grief. Cancer has transformed me folded me into a 42 year old daughter whose Only aim in life is to help her father die As comfortably and with As much dignity Asi can provide. Three months ago my father was on the Golf links an Active 68-year-old retired Pilot with a wide Circle of friends a keen intellect a comfortable life. We were so pleased because he d shed much of the extra weight head carried around on bad Knees since his 40s, he was proud of himself As his pants sizes kept shrinking. Christmas brought a new wardrobe. But my mole was having secret fears she revealed in the darkened room we often share together with the quiet Man in the bed too much weight too fast. But never mind. Worry about it tomorrow. The old saw is True we see Only what we want to see. There was no cancer in our family Ever. As a journalist i read the statistics i kept up with the developments but until Jan. 7, when the dreaded phone Call came i thought of cancer Only with a detached clinical interest. Now the disease invades my heart my mind my very soul. My father has become a statistic. Lung cancer but where is the primary tumor Quot we May never find it Quot said his oncologist a father of five daughters. He has just a few More answers than i the Layman. The killer cell the rogue that launched the insidious assault on my father will always elude the cat scans mris a rays blood tests and All the other diagnostic invasions inflicted on the silent Man in the bed. We will never know How it began. But we know will terrible finality How it will end. March 23-24, Friday and saturday like Hansel and Gretel s crumbs scattered through the Forest my fathers Hospital room is littered with reminders of the Long journey we have travelled together. Books and magazines for when he could see the television for when he cared As he passionately once did about the revolution in Romania and the deficit an the verdict in the trial of the Exxon Valdez Nautam lotions for when he still complained about aching Muscles juice for when he could still sip through a Straw. Finally the last supper 1 sugar packet 1 set substitute packet strained Cream of Chicken a soup. Milks Coke Vanilla ice Cream cup Cranberry a Coffee. The tray was set aside untouched. I 4 the stars and stripes