European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 17, 1990, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Sailboat trip More fun with a Clear head Dave Barry Knight Ridder newspapers we wanted to have a relaxing family vacation so we got together with two other families and rented a Sailboat in the Virgin islands. There is nothing As relaxing As being out on the open sea listening to the Waves and the wind and the sails and voices downstairs Yelling a How do you flush these toilets a it takes a minimum of six people working in close Harmony to successfully flush a nautical toilet a also known As the head. That a Why those old ships carried such Large Crews. The Captain would shout the traditional command a a fall hands Belay the starboard commode a a and dozens of men would Scurry around pulling ropes turning giant winches etc., working desperately to avoid the dreaded backup at sea which is exactly the problem that the Captain of the titanic was downstairs working on which is Why he did no to notice the iceberg. We had a competent Captain in our cruise group but just to be on the Safe Side we hired a local Captain for the first afternoon to demonstrate the finer Points of seamanship. He was on our boat for a total of three hours during which he demonstrated that he could drink six of our Beers and two Large direct from the Bot tic swigs of our rum and still not fall headfirst into the Caribbean. Tim glad Sari Jose Costa Ricas amps Sharon k Day he was definitely the most relaxed person on the boat. His major piece of nautical advice was a no  wed say a which Virgin Island is that Over there a and head squint at it knowledgeably and say a no  then head go get another Beer. So this was pretty much How we handled it and the cruise was problem free unless you count my Brush with death. For this i blame the children. We started the cruise with Only five children but after several Days on the boat there appeared to be several Hundred of them All of whom always wanted to sit in exactly the same place and no two of whom Ever wanted to eat the same thing for lunch. So one afternoon a group of them was playing an incredibly Complex card game they had invented wherein everyone had a different number of cards and anyone could change the rules at any time and punching was allowed and there was no possible Way to end the game but everybody appeared to be winning and suddenly a card blew overboard. Until this kind of emergency arises you never know How you re going to react. I happened to be nearby with a group of grown ups who had smeared their bodies with powerful Sun blocking agents and then inexplicably had gone out to lie in the Sun. Suddenly i heard the chilling cry a card overboard a. I leaped to my feet and without thinking in fact without any copyright �1990, cartoonists amp writers Syndicate the joke is on you know any Good jokes we re looking for the Best for publication in sunday Magazine. They must be in Good taste not too Long and hopefully funny enough to make other readers laugh. If you have some that you think will pass the chuckle test we want to hear them. Please Send them to jokes on you sunday Magazine the stars and stripes Apo 09211. Be sure to include the town where you Are living and a Telephone number where you can be reached during the Day. We re ready to laugh. Brain wave activity whatsoever jumped into the water Dove beneath the surface and saw a Barracuda the size of a nuclear submarine. The other people claimed it was Only about 3 feet Long but i was right there and this Barracuda had actual torpedo tubes. The shark was examining the card closely As if thinking a huh a two of hearts Here in the Caribbean a i used this Opportunity to exit from the water by clawing violently at air molecules and ascending vertically , Back into the boat. Fortunately that was my Only Brush with death on the relaxation cruise except for the other one which occurred when i attempted to pull up the Anchor. You have to pull up the Anchor from time to time on a Sailboat so that you can put up the sails which causes the boat to lean Over which allows water to splash in and get All the clothes wet. Its a Basic Rule of seamanship that every body s clothes have to be wet All the time. If there a no wind you Are required by maritime Law to throw your clothes overboard a couple of times a Day. So i was standing on the deck hauling up the Anchor. You have to be careful on the deck because of the a hatches a which Are holes placed around a Sailboat at random to increase the insurance rates. From the moment we got on the boat i had been warning the children about the danger of falling into the hatches. A a done to fall into those hatches a id say in the Stem voice that we Wise old parents use to Tell our children the ludicrously obvious. And so As you have already guessed when i was pulling on the Anchor rope walking backward poof i suddenly became the incredible disappearing Man. It was a moment of High relaxation a moment that would definitely win the grand prize on the popular to show a boneheaded americans injure themselves on Home video a and in a sure ill have a Good laugh about it once in a out of surgery. No seriously All i got was a Bruise that is actually larger than my skin surface area so that part of it extends into the atmosphere around me. But other than that it was a swell cruise and i strongly recommend that you take one. Just make sure you go to the bathroom first. It Page 12 c sunday june 17,1990 a Over the nurses every one a father s i increasingly care for us As Well As him. They me allies friends the Only constant in a i1 re t of control. They never pass me now a touch a Pat. A hug. They have done this they know How close we Are to saying Farewell teach other to  s doctors Call in from restaurants their own t1 with a cold detachment that stuns me. Am we Are consulting hourly now. I am 3 decisions i never knew anyone had to make Milt it pase the demerol. No it Isnit working so yes t be should switch to morphine increase the it Hine. More. More Ihrl for myself issuing opinions but i keep looking at a figure under the Blue Blanket half waiting for Ito sit up and contradict me. Iwas always in charge. I never had a say in what he where we went As a family. He was the Leader s band the chief of the clan the Only voice of Jority. When did the Torch pass i do not want it. But cannot give it Back. There is no privacy in a Hospital. I discover the Linen ise Down the Hall and Retreat there behind the is of plastic coated pillows in that tiny Sanctuary i ventilate cry until i Hiccup pull myself together Hugh to go Back into the darkened room. Iii the Cusp of Spring but the last storm of Winter As hurled itself out of the West and paralysed Kansas a nothing moves on the streets. The lamps glow Elowin the reflected Snow the world is silent is Pended. My lather and i Are alone in the Middle of the night. I if on the bed cradling him like the Pieta telling j my secrets All my Hopes. I am racing the clock in the Wall my new enemy trying to cram the dialogue by entire life into the last precious hours i will have Ilmy daddy. Sob. I laugh i talk about the dog of my youth who Lew to us in a Tornado and Learned to play Secondi remind him of the time the cat ate the Christmas Goose. I thank him for the Blue bicycle for teaching me to drive for sending me to College for waving goodbye with a smile on his face when i boarded the plane for Vietnam for All the Money spent on phone Calls to find me Halfway a round the world. I thank him for All that extra Champagne at my wedding and for All the steaks he barbecued for my journalism gypsies who be dropped in from Beirut and Bombay Over the years. I feel closer that night to my dad than in be Ever Felt before. Occasionally his eyes open and i look deep into them and whisper in his ear �?�1 love you Quot because everybody says no one knows what he hears what he thinks. Those three words become my mantra chanted Over and Over and Over a til Dawn. I also Tell him How proud of him i was and am How his exploits As a fighter Pilot reflected on us made us feel special. I reassure him of my happiness in my marriage. I Promise to look out for Mother to love his grandsons forever to treasure every snapshot every scrap of advice. I pledge to be Good. I Promise to remember. And then i give him permission to let go. I say goodbye. 1 feel As if i am dying too. A you can go now daddy. It s of. Honest. I love you. You can go now  i carry on a one sided conversation for More than 12 hours. There is no other sound in the room except my hoarse voice. The Only tube left is the morphine drip. The nurses Glide in and out. There is pain in their eyes. The Young doctor who has become my lifeline my greatest source of strength stands at the foot of the bed. Quot when Quot i ask. Quot i done to know Quot he replies. There Are tears in his eyes. My father picks his own time As he has his whole life. He Waits for my Mother and my brother. At High noon the storm Over the blinding Sun of Spring flooding the window he opens his eyes. He Speaks. Quot love Quot he says As they hold him in their arms. And then he is gone. March 27, tuesday despite the request for no p i i a s Long As there Are larks to sing and eagles to Fly and owls to look Down from the highest tree my father will live on. I a a Tad b Artimus associated press reporter Tad Bartimus with her Teitter James l. F Timus in 1987 Flowers the Church smells like a Garden. The formal photograph propped on the table in front of the altar shows a smiling Young Man in a 50-Mission hat and a dashing army air corps Trench coat. A White silk Scarf is draped Over the Edge. A velvet Board displays the medals awarded for bravery daring and endurance. Two freshly picked hyacinths from a neighbor s Yard Complete the memorial tableau. The Church is full. Many faces Are unknown to me others Are mileposts of my years. I take a deep breath and Pray one last time for strength and composure and deliver his Eulogy. A the newspaper obituary Quot i began Quot gives you the Frame surrounding the portrait of the Man. This is the True picture. Quot he loved the song of a single Bird in the morning the sight of a Chevron of wild geese at dusk. He was sentimental and loved cards that rhymed. Quot he could untangle any fishing line and fix any toy. He and Mother danced together like Fred and Ginger. He taught his children that Only people mattered not things. Quot he was a Fisherman Farmer civil servant lifelong Democrat Loyal american. A but at the Core he was a Pilot. A True hero. Dad s Pilot buddies said no Man Ever flew an air plane with such Grace and skill and that god Given gift that Only Angels have for flight. A Friend trying to Comfort me said she knew Why dad took his own time in leaving us. He did not go in the dark of night when the blizzard raged. Instead he left with the Sun High overhead. He waited she said for Clear skies to take off. Quot at the end i borrowed the words of a Friend who d walked this path before Quot daddy Quot she wrote Quot just follow the heading Peter pan gave Wendy Darling. As they surveyed the stars spread across the night sky he showed her the Way like you have shown me a second to the right then straight on til morning. Have a wonderful flight we Lall meet you  and then the pianist broke into a resounding rendition of Quot wild Blue yonder Quot and my duty was done. I had used the Only True gift i had the ability to siring words together to say Farewell. I believe he heard me. March 29, thursday i was in the dream House my parents built when they retired. Stumbling around in the dark i reached into my open suitcase for a Bathrobe. My hand touched something that had t been there an hour before. Turning on the Light i found an intricate paper air plane folded out of a dietitians form from the Hospital. Even though it was late i called my husband who a flown Back Home that Day. I thanked him for leaving me the wonderful air plane. After a Long pause at the other end of the line he told me As one would speak to a slow witted child that he had t made me a paper air plane. The next morning i showed my Mother. She had no idea where it came from. I am sure there is a logical explanation. I just Haven to found it. Until i do in be put the delicate Little plane away in a Box in my Hope Chest along with my most precious treasures. When i feel inconsolable i get out the Box and sail the beautifully proportioned Craft through the air. It makes me feel better. Quot take my hand Quot wrote the Friend who is a year ahead of me. Quot Well walk together on the twisting Road  she exhorted me to Quot look for the  and so i took the Little paper air plane to be the first one. Fathers Day june 17, sunday father s Day was the weekend we always used to pick cherries from the backyard tree and bake daddy a pie. Or clean out the garage for him. Or endure a hot afternoon at the old fishing Hole. There were shirts to buy and ties to wrap and cards to sign. But not this year. Or next or Ever again. I look out my Colorado Kitchen window eastward toward my roots and my past in Missouri. There is an old Majestic Ponderosa Pine tree across the Way. In recent Days an owl has perched on the highest tip of the highest Branch. Occasionally he leaves his aerie to soar Over my House in a Graceful arc. His vast wings barely moving catching the thermals and letting the Breeze take him High higher highest. I watch him in wonder and Delight. I believe As Wendy Darling believed in Peter pan. As Long As there Are larks to sing and eagles to Fly and owls to look Down from the highest tree my father will live on. The stars and s tripes tsars  a Pavo 15