European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 7, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Be our guest Honey business was a bad Deal from first dial4 . Ridgely guest columnist a. Friend walked up to the reception desk to make an appointment at one of our posts Many support services. I wont say which one but they clean Teeth and fill cavities. A a in a sorry a the woman behind the counter said. A you can to make an appointment in person. You have to  sure enough before my Friend could argue the stupidity of such a Rule the phone rang and the receptionist pencilled in the next available appointment for the caller 8 30 on May 23,1994. It turns out she was wrong. You can make a dental appointment in person. But the whole idea that you would have to use the phone is just idiotic enough that it could be True. Especially since it involves the no. 1 cause of misery know to modern Man. No not dental Hygiene. That a no. 3. Telephones. Telephones Are a perfect example of fixing something that Wasny to broken in the first place. If Alexander Graham Bell had left Well enough alone with his first Model that made Only outgoing Calls wed be better off. But no. He had to go and put that Bell on the thing after which he never invented anything else Worth mentioning. You know Why because Watson kept calling him interrupting his work All the time that a Why. Annoying Telephone Calls come in two Varie tics Calls at work and Calls at Home. In Italy when the phone rings the person who answers it says a Pronto a meaning a a in a  this shows that the italians have of much time on their hands in a never ready to Quot get a phone Call. Its too expensive for my friends from the states Socall and when they do Toftey screw up on the time difference. Plus everybody Over Here who could Taklo me read a Speaks English sees me on Post All the time anyway. The Only reason i can figure Why we even have a Telephone at Home is so a Friend of my wife scan catch up on whatever has happened since they saw each other 20 minutes earlier. At work meanwhile we have the european Telephone system. What do the europeans use the australian system this communications network is the technological equal of the scud missile. By dealing just seven digits one can instantly hear a Busy signal from any Dod Telephone in Europe. Amazing Isnit it the system does occasionally fail letting a Long distance Call get through. But when that happens the four cafes Brand  cell batteries that Power the system usually run Down just at the Point where the other person says a this line is  the phone goes dead and you have to Start All Over. On the other hand if in a in someone Al Sci a of. Sas Sharon Kilday fico the phone is guaranteed to interrupt our conversation at least once every four minutes. The person taking the Call never thinks to mention he has someone with him probably because of some genetic deficiency in manners and in a left sitting around wasting my time while these clowns discuss next weeks ski trip. Then there a. Hold on a second will you Quot staff judge advocates office or. Ridgely speaking. This line is unset Click. Sch sch heh. Now where was i . Ridgely works in Vicenza Italy. Send in your column plus a photo of yourself to be our guest sunday Magazine the stars and stripes Apo 09211 or Postrach 11 14 37, d-6100 Darmstadt i Germany. \ i i \ i s s4s Dave Casey Vanessa Haynes Cente from Alabama is Happy to be visiting relatives at Rhein main a Germany. Pages 4-6. File Kevin Costner has a Ball in Field of dreams one of the bigger hits in baseball videos. Page 16. Sunday is a weekly supplement of the stars and stripes editor Bucky Fox Art director Sharon Kilday production Lisa Williams editorial assistance Louis Pierce Marian Hamilto cover Story .4-6 your relatives Are on the Way. What might they want to see How Long Wilt they stay Crystal Laureano reports Rob Staggenborg contributes his say and Dave Casey shoots. Arsenio hall.7 he a in running for Johnny Carsons Job books and language.8-9 James Michener a Quot the novel Odds amp ends. 10 Cindy Chambers details your horror scope to plus.11 battling for spots in Quot the american gladiators television listings .12-14 local Cable and satellite schedules. On the tube.15 filling up on the Gulf War Home entertainment 16 baseball videos in season Joe Bob Briggs .17 prison movie handcuffed this weeks films .18-19 Chuck Vinch on Quot City slickers a Complete cafes circuit listings classified ads .20-23 last laugh.24 Dave barry1, cartoons Page 2 a sunday july 7, 1991