European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - March 1, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse Voice acknowledging the boredom of prefaces Joe Bob Briggs goes to the drive in you Ever buy a Book and read in it for an hour and realize it Hasni to started yet a cause first you had to read the dedication Page where the Guy wrote a to Priscilla for her unflagging Devotion and Lars for never losing Faith in me. And Marianne the Best Damn editor since Maxwell Perkins and blah blah blah a and when you get Down to the part where he a thanking his personal aerobics Trainer you can finally turn the Page to. Why do i always read this Page what kind of sick Roofus am i a the author is grateful to the excellent staff of the Indianapolis Public Library system As Well As the estate of the late radicchio Escuela especially or. widow who the hell cares when i buy a chair do i have to listen to a tribute to the Man who Cut Down the tree Why should it be any different with a Book now finally the 365 pages of a a acknowledgements Are Over and we come to the. a i first met the author of this Book in 1948. Ill never forget the Day his train pulled into the station at Lake Como. He was wearing a Toupee even then but he still had All his Teeth a excuse me while my eyes Glaze Over. Forty seven pages later we have the �?ointroduction.�?�. A scholars of literary history will someday regard two dudes take a Holiday As the finest work of the sex Post Facto Modem ism to emerge from the South Fresno writers project. As Roland Barthes once said of the symbolist poets a life stinks and Art stinks but life stinks its taken us 20 years to really know what that after 135 pages of this do you think the Book might finally Start almost. All that a left is the. a random House is proud to publish this sixth edition of two dudes take a Holiday an enduring american classic that has pulled Down truckloads of Money for this company without us doing a Damn thing to promote it. That a the kind of literary Miracle Bennett Cerf taught us to appreciate in the �?T40s.�?� you know what i mean Send out Christmas cards on somebody else a time not mine. Speaking of ancient manuscripts that Are hard to follow the Rune Stone is a flick about a giant Norse god that hangs around Soho killing yuppies at Art gallery openings and wearing a Bear suit because Joan Severance broke up with him and moved to Maine. To Tell you the truth in a not sure exactly what the Rune Stone is about except it has something to do with Alexander Godunov sitting around All Day in a shop full of Swiss clocks waiting for one of Mem to Stop so he can drop everything and go to new York City for a fight to the death with a hairy Viking beast named Fenrir. Meanwhile Fenrir is rampaging through Central Park killing William a a icky Hickey blowing people up in elevators and generally making life miserable for Eye Talian cop Peter Rigert who pops Ezzes and says the of word a lot. The Point is that there a this ancient legend of a creature that can be killed with Only a magic Battle a by Godunov and. Actually i forgot what the Alexander Godunov is swinging in the Rune Stone. Point is. What i do know is. Twenty nine dead bodies. No breasts. Dead dog. A through the Chest cavity. Arm Rolls. Sledgehammer fun. Drive in Academy award nominations for Hickey oldest actor in film history for saying a the Rune Stone can sense what you want most a done to listen to it Severance who has been taking acting lessons since co starring with Hulk Hogan in no holds barred for saying a the Only thing that a lasted longer than religion is pornography Lawrence Tierney As the police chief for saying a Well i say its a big Guy in a Bullet proof dog suite and Rigert As the detective for saying a it takes More than a Norse god and a mythological beast to get three stars. Joe Bob says Check it out. Joe bobs advice to the hopeless Republican Alert the v drive in in Vestal n.y., was shut Down a few months Back to make Way for a new mall according to the Guys Quot who bought it. But after months and months of waiting the drive in is overgrown with weeds but there is no mall in sight. It was a lie Ernie the intern at Waal pm a the whale a in Binghamton n.y., wants the v Back and he reminds us along with Den Chuck cos Wally Bruce Cherie and Duke that without eternal vigilance it can happen Here. My column on the Clarence Thomas hearings was ripped out of the san Francisco chronicle and scrawled across it in magic Marker was. Dear Joe Bob i was going to use this As toilet paper but i thought id Send it to you to use As toilet paper instead. Nena Lewis san Francisco dear Nena Arentt you people in California going a Little overboard with the recycling dear Joe Bob at the Corner of Belt line Road and Hutton drive in Carrollton Texas stands a sign announcing that someone is actually Gonna build a drive in what is this world coming to Kevin Lassiter Carrollton Texas dear Kevin bankruptcy. Creators Syndicate report proves women still have a Long Way to go Linda Ellerbee to discuss the meaning Ollita with Joe Bob. Or to get tree junk in the mail and Joe Bob s world famous we Are the word newsletter write Joe Bob Briggs. P o Box 2002, Dallas. To 75221 Joo Bob s lax line is always open 214-368-2310 sometimes in masked to speak at functions honouring women. The 10 most successful women in America. Seven women to keep an Eye on. Three women at the top. Businesswoman of the year. There Are hundreds of these events. They happen All Over the country. Often when they ask me to come i say yes because in mall for honouring women. But sometimes i wonder arc we making a dangerous mistake every one of these celebrations sends the same message look How far we be come. We re successful. We be made it. Arentt we the Lucky ones Aren t we equal truth is the women we Honor arc the Lucky few but we done to like to think about that. In continually looking at How far we be come we be blinded ourselves to How far we have to go. By now you be read or heard about the devastating report released by inc. American association of University women educational foundation. Basically it says that even in 1992 american girls arc not receiving the same Quality or even Quantity of education As their Brothers. According to the report girls and boys enter Public schools roughly equal in ability but girls emerge 12 years later behind their male classmates in math sciences and even self esteem. Among other things the report says boys receive More attention from teachers. Research showed teachers listened when boys in elementary and Middle school called out answers but often admonished girls to a raise your hand if you want to boys it seems also Are More Likely to receive College scholarships than girls with equal or slightly better grades. When scholarships Are Given based on the Scholastic aptitude test scores boys Are More Apt to receive scholarships than Are girls who get equal or slightly better scores. Alarmingly but not surprisingly the self esteem of girls drops nearly 40 percent Between elementary school and High school. How very sad. We had a Chance to change All that or so it seemed say 20 years ago. As women we fought and won important Battles but then when we began to lose a few we did what a senator once suggested America do about Vietnam. We declared Victory and withdrew from the Field. For fear of going backward we stopped going Forward. Over time we became More enamoured of the a look How far some of us have come notion of women a Progress and less interested in the notion of something we used to Call we were scared of being called a a women a libbers or Bra Bur ners or lesbians. We were scared to gang up and do anything organized women a groups even groups of women were so loud we said. If we were too strident if we demanded Justice we might be punished for our a a inappropriate behaviour and our punishment would be that we would not we settled for popularity not Power and went our ways separately. Yes do look How far we be come. In our unwillingness to press the fight we be stunted our own daughters chances. In our constant Celebration of the Victory of the few we be allowed or daughters our nieces or granddaughters even to continue to be treated As second class citizens. In our smugness we be forgotten one Basic fact lius War s not won. Kang rom Rifus Oyt Iti i of March 1, 1092 sunday a Page 17
