European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 7, 1992, Darmstadt, Hesse Physical training is surely no time to run Oft Kimmo Long the army profession is the hardest Job in the world. We do More before 6 . Than most people do ail Day. We must arrive on time which is not a requirement for any civilian employee. Scricc members must get up at woe dark 30 and do something called it physical training. Some soldiers actually think this stands for pain and torture. For a few living in the Barracks its Panama time. For those living off Post and in the Barracks its Pancake and Toast time. Some soldiers actually get up Early in order to think up excuses for release from this Back breaking grueling exhausting tiring fatiguing difficult physical torture and anguish. As i was standing in front of my platoon facing the first sergeant lie said the magic words a fall those going on sick Call when i give you the command to fall out i want you to fall out to my left your right Hall out Quot i instantaneously heard the scuttle of Little feet behind me. I then modified my position of attention and peeked out of the Corner of my Eye. This was to no Avail. I craned my neck a Little further. No one 1 ended up with my head turned around All the Way and then 1 tripped Over my feet to see. Off to my right was three fourths of the company. This made me relieved because i knew we had a lot of Askings for personnel. 1 counted them All up. There were six for up Kitchen patrol two for arms room guard one for staff duty no one for duty Driver five for Post office detail four for installation coordinator detail two for head count three for Weed pulling detail two for scrap Metal detail. That was it. That was our total meager amount of duty bodies for the Day. That was the reason. These soldiers did not do it because of All the details. That made me feel much better. Then again that accounted for just half of them. I asked one of my troops Why he was going on sick Call. Me a what s up this time Quot i firn a huh. Hershey squirts again. Sergeant Long. See a later sergeant. Of no not the dreaded fatal disease of Hershey squirts what causes this is it from eating too Many i Leash by kisses what Are they going to do at the clinic give him a no chocolate Ealing profile Why does he have to cat so much chocolate i shrugged and moved on to another Soldier. Me a Why Arentt you doing it this morning a him a a in a too sexy to do it too sexy to do it. I shake Iny Little Tush in the Barracks the then to a new Soldier i said a you did it yesterday and seemed to actually enjoy it. Did no to you a he replied in a High voice that mimicked the two homosexual critics on in living color a Cha cd it a As i went to do it i saw their helpless bodies limping slowly inside the clinic. Their Loose Flimsy arms Hung onto their droopy weary shoulders. Their heavy Heads dangled Low. I head their tired Low voices and even an occasional sniffle cough and sneeze. I hoped the clinic could work their hocus pocus and set these people straight. After it i showered ate and went to work. After some time the sick Call personnel returned. They looked rejuvenated. Some did t even Limp anymore. I was about to ask if the army was sending the doctors to the Tammy Faye Jerry of Ashvell Jim dark or Faith Healing school. Instead i called my financial planner a sir a i whispered Quot done to Tel anyone that in a idling you this but there a this new wonder drug the clinic s been handing out like Candy. Its been helping everyone that a gone up then i trembled and said in an even lower voice a a in a like to move All of my Money into the company that makes this miraculous drug. Its called to to in. Its a completely Legal drug Isnit it a after All that in a getting Down to business. Its time for us cos to push our personnel. It s not just in it but everything we do As soldiers. We must keep and adhere to our standards of excellence personnel readiness equipment readiness and training arc top priorities. If we let any one of these slide it could be detrimental in the next War. The army is building Down. Fix replace or throw out those cracked and crumbling bricks that can to support the rest of the infrastructure. Remember we have not yet begun to fight. And when we have better that we went through pain and torture. Start sgt Kimono Long works in Darmstadt Germany. Send in your column plus a photo of yourself to be our guest sunday Magazine the stars and stripes Apo 09211 or Postrach 11 14 37, d-6100 Darmstadt 11, Germany. Opening laugh Harris us contents up a a in from the cover .4-7 technology on the drawing Hoard. Sidelights.9 time to declare War on City trouble. Odds amp ends .10 Cindy Chambers loaded to move out. In tune. 11 Jay Leno enjoys hot Start. This weeks films.12-13 Chuck 17m7i a lethal weapon 3�?o misses target. A a yes circuit listings. Television listings .14-16 local Cable and satellite schedules. Home entertainment.17 a blather of the Bride Quot a decent remake. On Parade .18 m Ryder on a Roll. Voices. 21 Linda Ellerbee on the gop and abortion. Whips amp wit. 24 Tony Konheiser has a hand in kids. Rooks. 25 Daryl Gates and his Stormy Imes. Malcolm a. 27 Spike Lee caving his Mark. Last laugh .28 Dave Barry s words of Wisdom. Malcolm x Sparks Spike Lee s movie. Page 27. Sunday is a weekly supplement of the stars and stripes editor Bucky Fox Art direction Susan p. Harris production Susie Stonum editorial assistance Marian Hamilton Louii Pierce Page 2 a
