European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - August 08, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse Telling questions Over this military Gay policy Joe Bob Briggs goes to the drive ind on t ask Don t i be been thinking about this a lot. It makes my head Hurt. I can t understand it. The sergeant says Are you a Homo what s the private supposed to say ask me that again and i la make you do 30 i mean would t life be a whole lot easier in Boot Camp if you just screamed no sergeant i am not a Homo sergeant even if you were Gay this is like one of those fifth amendment deals where a mafia Guy sits on the witness stand and says 542 times i refuse to answer on the grounds it might inseminate it la be especially Tough on the women who Are Nof lesbos. Yes sergeant i do realize that the uniform looks a Little Butch today but if you d just let me Wear a Nice set of Black pumps and a Little Mary Kay lip stick you d have no problem recognizing my firm commitment to a heterosexual and what s Lou Gossett or. Gonna think of this new policy what Are the great Drill sergeants of to history Gonna think what about the scene where Corner Pyle s Drill sergeant screams All right la Dies give me your attention i mean if you do what he says and give him your attention do you get kicked out of the army?1 Why d they have to make it so Gold urn complicated you can t ask about it. You can t search through the Guy s Duffel bag for that Tell tale Judy Garland album. You can still get kicked out but Only if you get caught rooting around in an interstate rest Stop wit a Guy dressed up like divine. In other words it s gotta be really Public. No hand holding. No Kissy face. What happens when the Gay Guy keeps getting promoted until he is the Drill sergeant what will everybody do when he says with a sneer All right Genf Menf give me your Atten Tion should you Only answer to ladies the traditional Gomer Pyle command thereby proclaiming yourself1 a traditional Marine Hetero Soldier or should you snap to attention on the word gentlemen which if he says it with a sneer might be the kind of gentlemen you Don t want to associate with you see what i mean Here this is Nof Gonna work. Some people will figure it out but the Guys recruited at big town mall in Odessa Texas Are never Gonna know what s going on. Speaking of Gay themes illegal entry is this week s movie and it s the old familiar Story of a Blond Bimbo fleeing from the people who executed her parents while they were in flagrant aardvarks. Why because her father controlled a secret formula that would solve world hunger. But she can t figure out who wanted him dead the most her Horny surfing Boyfriend her father s Boss the Beautiful lawyer who shares a bed with him two Sulca Mcball cops a gunman in a ninja suit a sex crazed Blond Girlfriend or a Guy. Named Steve. Seven dead bodies. Eighteen breasts. Death by acid vat dunking. One wild Pool party with gratuitous underwater Nek kid Cam. Champagne forced Down Throat. Drive in Academy award nomination for Barbara Lee Alexander As the understanding Friend who comforts a girl who has just lost both her parents by saying "well,.what s Drnec is three stars. Joe Bob says Check it out. Joe Bob s advice to the hopeless Norman Lear Alert the Mission in drive in last remaining drive in in san Antonio was recently shut Down by act in Santikos theatres which is partly owned by Norman Lear. How did we Ever let this Guy into Texas in the first place Mark Rusniak re minds us that without eternal vigilance it can Hap pen Here. Dear Joe Dob since you will now and forever be my internal link to the bizarre i have a question for you. If you had a Friend who recently defected into a lesbian lifestyle and wanted to tie the knot in a ritual such As marriage what would you buy said individual for a gift this is my dilemma. Hear my plea and answer o be of the drive in persuasion. Danka Colleen Coyne Dallas dear Colleen How about a matched set of Iler and her towels creators Syndicate to discuss the meaning of we with Joe Bob of to got free junk in the mail and the world famous newsletter. 77 a Joe Bob Flo port write to Joe Bob Briggs . Box 2002. Dallas. Texas 75221. Joe Bob fax line is always open 214 368-2310. Abortion rights Bill dying As it sits on congressional Fence Linda Elerbee say goodbye to the Freedom of Choice matter what anyone May to Cal you this Bill which would write into Law the supreme court s Roe is. Wade decision snot going to become Law. Not this summer. Not this year. Maybe not Ever. Nobody will actually say the Freedom of Choice act is dead. Right now action on it has been postponed until after Congress takes its summer recess Only school children and members of Congress get or need recess. My guess is that when they come Back they la find another reason to put off Vot ing on the Freedom of Choice act and All because of the Plain old politics of ambiguity. This presidential election was a Victory for every one who believes in a woman s right to choose when she shall become a Mother. It really was. Dill Clinton is committed to Safe Legal abortion. Out when he says he thinks abortion should be Safe Legal and rare he s reflecting the sense of Congress which in this one instance actually is reflecting the opinion of most americans and that is the problem with the Freedom of Choice act conservatives want restrictions and liberals insist there be no restrictions therefore agreement is impossible. Put another Way most americans really Are in favor of a woman s right to choose but when you get Down to who s going to pay for it All consensus Heads South. Nothing said that quite so plainly As the recent vote to retain the Hyde amendment that bars using Federal Money to pay for abortions for poor women except to save the life of the Mother or in cases of rape or incest. The Hyde amendment has been part of the health and human services appropriation Bill the last 16 years but hey these were the new Guys. They were going to change All that silly stuff. They were going to Mace abortion Safe Legal and available to poor women. Weren t they Well whence comes this hypocrisy from us. Every available poll tells us we really Are of several minds on the Issue of abortion. Most of us believe in Choice. Many of us Don t want to make abortion Ille Gal but we think there ought to be some restrictions. Some of us think the government should t pay for a woman s abortion. Some of us have real doubts about teen agers about whether parental consent should be required and if so at what age and some of us Are members of Congress. There Are about 100 members who stand right in the Middle on this thing. They Are the ones who will eventually decide for All of us and frankly m dear they would rather not. That s Why after recess you re going to see the Freedom of Choice act postponed until next year. Probably it will never come Back. Out that won t help them. Congress is still going to have to make up its mind because the Issue of Abor Tion is going to be right there in their faces when it comes Lime to Deal with National health care. Will Federal health insurance cover abortions will we Ever come to the sane conclusion that abortion ought to be Safe Legal and a Choice for All women regard less of their ability to pay yes but Only when we be tried everything else. And so it goes. King features Syndicate August 8, 1933 sunday 5age 21
