European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - August 08, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse By and Large we re turned on by James j. Kilpatrick the writer s Art Hen i was a boy 60-Odd Ycas ago sign off had but one meaning. It meant to quit Stop cease. A Ham radio Buff signed off for the night. Then he turned in. Sign off does t mean that anymore. In govern mental jargon to sign off Means to sign on. When a proposal is circulated among executives they Indi Cate approval by signing off. The National Law Jour Nal reported the Story of an accountant who signed off on his report Only to be sued a year later. Where do these phrases come from who can explain them it s easy to explain Why some repulsive person turns us off that s what we do with a Stinker on to. But Why is it when we go to bed that we turn in last year the Las vegas review journal covered the disappearance of a 3-year-old boy. He turned up missing following a late night birthday party at his How can a boy turn up missing these Are idioms formally defined As expressions that Are Peculiar to themselves grammatically and cannot be understood from the individual meanings of the elements. Every language is Rich in idioms but professional linguists believe that English is the Rich est of them All. Etymology its have no problem with by and it comes out of sailing and Means to sail alternately close hauled and free. It s easy to see How the term came idiomatic ally to mean in general or on the but what about still and All How docs a foreigner Cope with looking to in Miami a few years ago a cuban school superintendent was named in Dade county. Black parents were offended. Said the associated press the Indig Nant Blacks Are looking to recall the five school Board members who voted Visiedo into the superintendent s our language has countless idioms for the person who seems to be just outside the strike zone. James Carville the democrats mercurial Campaign Strate Gist told the new York times that he did t mind the image. The idea that i m a half a quart Low has always worked to my in another version an oddball May be a pint Short of a full several years ago Betty Sprouse a contributing writer for the Ellinsburg Wash daily record rounded up a number of these phrases. A Ditsy actress is one doughnut Short of a when the 1972 Pittsburgh Steeles barely lost a Chance at the super bowl they were three bricks shy of a an eccentric relative does t have both oars in the when a Carpen Ter has a bad Day he s half a Bubble off maybe his mental capacity is one rung Short of a lad perhaps he has a Loose screw. In her article Sprouse remarked of football that there Are those who just Flat Don t care about foot the Thrce-brick5-shy Pittsburgh Steeles of 1972, Ball. What s Flat doing in that idiom golfer Jack Nicklaus after a hard summer in 1986, told a press conference that i just Flat want to go i Hazard a guess that Flat functions As an adverb modifying want but How do we want flatly idioms Are the herbs and spices the Salt and Tarra gon and thyme of language. Good writers will Cher ish them always taking care to make idioms Accord with the tone and style of their prose. Universal press Syndicate Green thumbs Down on a wanting Tomato crop Tony Kornheiser my Tomato crop came in the other tomatoes. All Ripe on the someday. I picked them and held them Upin front of my face to Adnire had a huge dark soft spot on the underside. One had a deep forbidding Gash along the top that looked like a tire track. One Hud what appeared to be a nose. So that left me with a total of two usable tomatoes the Sie of kidney stones. That s my entire yield. It s pathetic. I feel like the whole work is one Large salad and i m a Chickpea. The Man in the House behind me has 400 Toma toes on six plants. They Don t All Ripen on the same Jay. He get tomatoes from july through september. It goes without saying that i hate this Guy. The other Day he looked Over at my meager plants and said smugly i guess not everyone has a Green i tried to come up with a withering rejoinder. Unfortunately All i would think of was of yeah i am so jealous of people who can grow fruits and vegetables. I believe this is called Greenis my Friend Joel has a huge Cantaloupe Patch. You Haven t seen melons like this since us a time when i could have safely completed this joke. I asked Joel How he did it. He said i scattered the seeds on the ground and walked i knew there was a trick to it. I probably should t be so depressed about my in ability to have a Garden. I write a newspaper column. What do i know about digging to me Good dirt is finding out that Dan Rostenkowski is a woman. Had god wanted me to farm he d have Given me a better body for overalls and a name like Norbert or . Suburban gardening is about ego like which Guy s got the biggest Squash i believe that is called Zucchini i m clearly not doing it to save Money because when All is said and done with the tools you buy to prepare the soil the fertilizing the mulching the spraying and the dusting each edible Tomato has Cost approximately $16.75. If you re Gonna spend that much Safeway will Send a Limo for you. Still i Don t understand Why i have no tomatoes and my neighbor has 400. What is this Guy or. Del Monte i think it s because he gets full Sun i told my Friend Gino. I think it s because he s not Gino replied. By the Way Gino has a wonderful vegetable Gar Den which is astounding when you consider this is the same Guy who got his Couch wedged into his basement staircase and had to remove All his clothes and smear himself with mazola Oil to get Back up the Steps. Who d figure a Bozo like him could grow any thing but fingernails we have so Many tomatoes we use them to play catch with the dogs Gino bragged. Hearing that Gino s wife was the Gardener eased my spirits. Maybe gardening was a Chick thing. Maybe All a Man is supposed to do is dig the holes then go play Golf. And when he gets Back the salad will be grown. I went to a couple of women i knew for confirmation. Tell me about your Garden i asked Liz a writer who is so sensitive that she cries when a tree Falls in the Forest and there s no one there to hear it. She frowned. It s too painful i planted a lot of specs. They came up. It was Gratifying it renewed my belief in rebirth. Then everything what happened i asked. The same As every year. I Start out very excited at seeing All these Green sprouts. But then it gets hot and i stay inside in the. Air conditioning and i Don t water. And the plants Why do you think they died i asked. Because i m not a Good news bulletin the wires just reported that Ivan the terrible is in fact merely Ivan the very very bad. Thank you. We now rejoin this column already in Progress. No Way said the orangutan. Because you Don t know where that banana s been anyway my Boss Mary who wishes to be called Mitzi in this column because she s afraid she will come across As a Ditz told a similarly harrowing Story i m really unhappy. I had a Beautiful Garden. Then my husband went away for a month and now the Garden is gone and i see now that it must have been because he watered Are we to assume that Mitzi did t water the Garden Well i thought that was the whole Point. You Don t have to water because they re outside god has Dew and rain. The plants Are supposed to get Down to the water under the ground Aren t they you can see Why she wanted to be called and anyway she continued the Hose does t reach. So maybe that s the problem. Maybe we need a longer Hose a Hose that reaches the creators Syndicate. Page 24 sunday augusts 1993
