European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - August 08, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse                                A Tail that will make you howl with fear Dave Barry ome Security. These Are two words that we should have professionally engraved on our brains especially in Light of the terrifying Stephen King esque night Marc that was experienced recently by Judy and Tom Bondurant of Fredericksburg a. I Learned about this Nightmare via a letter i received from Sarah Mosca an Alert 12-year-old neigh Bor of the Bondurant. Sarah put me in touch with Judy and Tom who told me their chilling Story it was 1 30 a.m., and the honduran to were asleep in their second floor bedroom. Judy was not sleeping soundly however because her foot had been bitten by a chigger and in an Effort to keep it the foot comfortable she was dangling it off the bed outside of the sheets. She was lying there feeling uncomfortable  she Felt it. Something was touching her foot. It was something wet she recalled. She yanked her foot under the sheets and opened her eyes. There in the gloom she saw it. It was a shape she said. A big  Judy decided to draw this to Tom s attention via. The following statement  she then leapt out of the left Side of the bed and at tempted to exit the room which was a sound plan except that she tried to execute it by clawing her Way directly through a Wall. Meanwhile Over on the right hand Side of the bed Tom could not help but notice that a Judy was screaming and b his foot was touching something. It was a furry thing he recalled. Tom did not scream. No sir. It does to Good to panic in a situation like that. What Tom did in a Superb demonstration of shrewd judgment and Quick thinking under pressure was leap out of the right Side of the bed and run directly into Judy s collection of Cactus plants thus knocking them Over then charge through a screen door thus wrecking it and then stumble to a Stop thus avoiding falling off the second floor Balcony. Meanwhile Judy still up against the Wall had located a Light switch. She turned it on. Now they both could see what was in their bedroom. It was standing on their bed. It was big. It was Yel Low. It was wagging its Tail. It was a Labrador retriever. Happy to be there. Judy and Tom had never seen it before. They Don t have any pets. We left the room very cautiously Judy said. The dog stayed on the bed. Why not Tom and Judy went downstairs and determined that the dog had nosed open their unlocked front door. They went outside and sat quietly on the front porch for several minutes thinking about the situation. Finally Tom had an insight the kind of insight you sometimes have when you re trying to solve a Complex problem and you suddenly realize that the answer has been staring you in the face All along we have to get the dog out of the bedroom he said. Tom was Able to accomplish this by luring the dog outside with a pork chop. The Bondurant then went Back to bed Only to discover the next morning that the dog was still hanging around outside. Why not there were pork chops Here the Bondurant decided they liked the dog. He was very Friendly said Judy. An old yeller Type of dog said Tom. They got some dog food and started feeding him they were thinking about keeping him. They even thought of a name  but then they saw a newspaper classified and referring to a lost dog that looked like this one. They contacted the owners and sure enough it was the same dog. P v in a his name was Charley and he had run off during a thunderstorm. So anyway Charley went Back to his owners and the Bondurant Are thinking about getting a dog. Why not for the rest of us there Are three major Home Security lessons to be Learned from this Story 1. Every Home should be equipped and this advice comes from the National association of chiefs of police in conjunction with the american pig farming Council with a licensed and registered pork chop. 2. You should keep an Eye on those chigger bites because they can become infected. 3. Cardiac is a great name for a dog. Tha Miami Herald  military life in Europe by Charles Kaufman in new Don t ask. Don Tell military policy on homosexuals. How it s supposed to work pow t Tell c3a/ Joe you Chi is at How it will really work Page 28 sunday August 8, 1993