European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - December 19, 1993, Darmstadt, Hesse                                The Christmas tree trimming clash Bob Teetsel i to a that time of year again. The thanksgiving Turkey is nothing More than a memory Christmas mail order Cata logs Are filling up the dumpsters and the boy scouts have opened their Christmas tree Tot Over in the housing area Christmas is just around the Comer. Mistletoe shoppers with their treasures and remembering the real reason for the season. Only one problem it s time to decorate the dreaded Christmas tree. Come on Guys admit it. What s the real problem with Christmas it s not the Mastercard payments or the Barking dogs rendition of Jitich Bells that seems to play on an every hour. It s not even the 20,000 piece play Mobil set that has to be assembled on Christmas eve. Of yes it used to be easy. Back when i was a no time in Grade second lieutenant just arrived in Germany married a grand total of five months we had Only 14 ornaments six Hummel Angels in Little plastic balls bought from a Vendor at the Nelm Borg of club six antique Ceramic apples and my airborne Santa. With so few ornaments Many of which were the same there really Wasny to a lot of discussion. We sat lovingly on the Couch and planned each ornament. But after a few years and too Many trips to Rothenburg things began to change. Control was the problem. Yes my wife Cheryl still wanted All of us a now the kids were included a to gather together to decorate the tree but she  let the Orna mints go. It was Subtle at first. The kids were Little so they Hung Alt their ornaments Down where the dog would Knock them off with his Tail. A that s Nice Marie it looks Beautiful a and then Cheryl would rearrange the tree after they were in bed. As the years went by she got bolder. No longer getting up quietly to do her dirty work when All were asleep soon she was moving things As fast As we could put them up. Nothing was right. Everything opening laugh Levin Usa s 1933. Callus Nib t Wal Sis a Yankai Lancer Buenos Aires Argentina had to be put in a different place. A Why won t mom leave our ornaments where we put pm a the kids asked. And so the arguments started. A if i have to decorate a i said a then i want my ornaments left where i hang them. And airborne Santa goes right in the  sometimes you have to take a stand. Then everything changed. When 1 complained to a buddy about the tree problem he said he went through the same thing every year with his wife. I started asking around even taking a poll of give mar ried Guys in the building. Except for one newlywed who does no to know any better Alt the Guys said the same thing their biggest family argument of the holidays revolves around the tree. What about my Wise old commander surety his wife is More understanding. Nope not a Chance. A every year same old things he said. A a can to  so it has taken 14 seasons to learn. It s not me. Just like being asked my opinion White picking out a new piece of furniture for the House or to put it in a military context sitting around a room with a Bunch of lieutenant colonels while i May get asked what 1 think they really done to want to hear the answer. Just go along with the flow. After All it s Only one afternoon a year. The Best solution i set up a Tittle tree in the office a Manly tree one that Tim Taylor would be proud of a Charlie Brown Type of tree one on which i can hang my airborne Santa anywhere f want. And then 1 invite my son Over to took at it and explain to him Why his Mother and sister keep moving All the ornaments he hangs up. Maj. Bob tee two it stationed in Heidelberg  fiction is True tripe Alex Weisfo Why is everyone making such a big fuss Over Rush Limbaugh this is the rising Star of television and radio and the author of two hot books the Way things ought to be and see i told Yon so. The former is no. 2 on the paperback Best seller list and is available in the glorious Mili tary approved Reading stars and stripes. The tatter is no. 1 on the hardback list and will be reaching your local Bookstore soon done to worry. Has anyone actually bothered to read this tripe or is this some sort of Neo Safan a verse syndrome Rushdie like Rush is laughing All the Way to the Bank. These Guys know that controversy Sells and they count on people buying into the controversy and not the actual writing. Had people actually read the satanic verses they would have realized it is not even fit to substitute for toilet paper much like Limbaugh a mein kampf part 2. Quot unfortunately i wasted my time on Rushdie a Book and rushes first one and have come to one marvelous conclusion if i write books filled with John Updike a vocabulary and All the controversy of a Harold Robbins More toilet paper novel and incorporate several nifty expressions like a Grrce hug Ger Quot and Quot Seminari Quot in a Gonna be Rich. Its truly incredible that All it takes to sell a a arts to us americans is a Good dose of controversy. Thus i am convinced that once my Book of 1,001 appropriate uses or profanity is published and i Hope banned in a counting on tha tall these mindless sheep will flock to their local Bookstore and buy it. Perhaps they will inundate their local newspaper with complaints of my Book not being available. Do we see any parallels Here if you really need to read something for controversy a Sake something really obscene and stomach turning May i suggest Bill a budget plan that should do the trick. . Requests for advanced copies of 1,001 appropriate uses for profanity cannot be honoured unless accompanied by 2 $5,000 Money order. Alex Weisto Uvee in Rome. Contents from the cover a ---------4-6 under Dave Banys Christmas tree. Sidelights. 7,9 grimacing Over Christmas shows and music. Clarence Page on Clinton and the Media. Odds amp Enos. 10 Erma Bombeck buys for her grown baby. In . 11 Limbaugh a Rush toward to s top. This weeks films .12-13 Chuck Vonch says skip Quot sister act 2. A a military circuit mings. Television listings .14.17 local Cable and satellite  Home entertainment. 18 video shopping for Christmas. Voices.21 Linda Ellerbee celebrates Frank Zappa. Animation sensation. 22-23 Ren and skimpy draw big to Appeal words amp wit .24 Tony Konheiser boils Over water books. 25 Naomi Judd a hit again. On Parade 27 gossip on Richard Gere and Cindy Crawford last laugh. 28 Dave Barry parties on. Sunday is a weekly supplement of the stars and stripes. Editor Bucky Fox Art direction Susan Harris production Bernard Jenson editorial assistance Louis Pierce 2 sunday december 19, 1993