European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 19, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Single dad and multiple by Elizabeth Mehren los Angeles times. For David Kipper having a family was never a question. He adored his parents who stayed married until death did them part. He loved his two Brothers. He treasured the remarkable feeling of closeness and connection they shared. In his own life script he could think of a nothing More creative nothing More humorous nothing More enlightening Quot than watching this Cycle repeat itself in a family of his own Quot i thought i would grow up to be Ward Cleaver a says the 45-year-Otd Beverly Hills calif., doctor. But Kipper is a single father now custodial Parent to a son named Sam. He and same smother never married and Ever since the child came Home from the Hospital three years ago Sam has lived with his father. If the script reads like Kramer is. Kramer that s because Kipper is scrambling like Dustin Hoffman in that 1979 movie. Single fatherhood has meant an endless series of adjustments placing Kipper among a tiny radar screen Blip of men who Are realigning their professional lives to accommodate their families. Scaling Back hours at work turning Down transfers saying no to promotions even spending hard earned vacation time at Home with the kids Are dilemmas that routinely plague mothers who work outside the Home. Slowly some men Are coming head to head with the same Tough choices a and some of them Are making decisions in favor of their families. But Jim Levine who has studied this phenomenon As head of the fatherhood project at the families and work Institute in new York cautions that it is by no Means widespread. Quot its an evolution not a revolution a he says. This still emerging pattern came to Light recently when Gary Hart a democratic state senator announced he was leaving California politics to devote More time to his wife and children. A the amount of time away from my family has been enormous a he said a and the Prospect of being an absent father. Is just too High a Price to  mothers who work outside the Home offer a near Universal. Ament of perpetual fatigue. There is simply never enough time to do it All they complain. Almost always their own needs Are the first to fall by the Wayside. Often the juggling act of career and family Means professional and financial Compromise a Par time jobs for example and High priced child  relationship Between dating and parenting by Bettyjane Levine ids Angeles limes sex and the single Parent you bet. They want in. They need it. They intend to find it. But the truth is that millions of americans single parents can to even Congi Neer a Carefree evening away from Home let alone a whole night out a romantic weekend or a Long term relationship. A a it Volt a a it i a a a Columbia Dustin Hoffman figures out How to handle Justin Henry alone in the 79 movie Kramer is. Kramer for Many women this conundrum often evokes an uneasy mixture of bitterness anger and resignation. The situations not great they say but that a the Way it is. But with no Road map to follow men tend to find these complications startling and scary. Financial Down stepping in particular is difficult for most men a who after All Are accustomed to defining themselves on the basis of Job and income not time spent with kids. Ward Cleaver lest we forget was the breadwinner not the bread Baker. And most men Are still neophytes in the strange uncharted world of work and family. A they Are just beginning to struggle with the issues that women have been grappling with for years a says or. Warren Farrell author of the forthcoming Book the myth of male Power. Their role remains ill defined compounding a sense of confusion and insecurity that is especially disco fiting to Homo americans Vintage 1993. A men a says Farrell a Are in 1993 where women were in 1953.�?� and even in 1993, a working father is barely a phrase in the National vocabulary. But historical comparisons Are of scant interest to Kipper who has shaved his medical practice in half so he can be with Sam As much As possible. Without disclosing exact figures Kipper explains that this has meant a commensurate Cut in his handsome six Fig Urc salary. A full time housekeeper doubles As a baby Sitter when Kipper is at work. But even with a reduced caseload he sometimes struggles to meet the Day s demands. For instance his insistence on tucking Sam into bed each evening Means that he now makes Hospital visits to his patients late at night. His reconfigured schedule has piqued some male colleagues whose wives wonder Why they can to manage to make it Home to tuck in the kids. Meanwhile he is so Busy running play groups or driving Sam to swimming lessons that he has Little time to do things like buy clothes for himself. And guess what Kipper a like the working moms he meets at preschool a is constantly exhausted. A whipped a is How he puts it. A it has affected every part of my life a Kipper says. A yet for All of this i  have traded this experience for the  had the economic wherewithal to make a family based Job decision. Most men fearful of financial impotence in the cheesiest of economic times Are especially insecure about reducing their salaries in a period of National economic uncertainty. Turning Down a Transfer or a position that requires extensive travel May mean a Cost  prestige As Well As income. And in the current economic climate most men done to even have the Opportunity to consider such an option. For most men the sentiments propelling pro family Job decisions Are genuine according to Robert Griswold a professor at the University of Oklahoma and author of the new Book fatherhood in America. A but for a variety of reasons men have a hard time acting on these sentiments Quot he says Quot in part men Are blocked by their own selfishness. But the work culture is against them too. Men like the rewards they get at work a and the workplace does not always encourage decisions that put family first but Rick Clancy a vice president at Sony electronics in Park Ridge n.j., says family matters come up More and More among his company a 12,000 pm Pio yees. Increasingly he says male employees cite a family commitments As a the reason they decide not to  this is a contrast Clancy agrees from the not so Distant Days when a the Man in the family packed the wife and kids into a moving Van and assumed they would follow him anywhere. At International business machines corp. In Westchester county n.y., Jim Keller says he Quot travelled too much when his first daughter was born four years ago. When his second daughter came along last year a i took a Job that would mean less travel a handling corporate communications. Keller is by no Means an isolated Case in the labyrinth of ism. A even in the current work environment i get the impression that this kind of decision is More common than it Ever was a he says. Still the comparative rarity of the decision makes isolation a common refrain. Even among a Well Edu caled largely affluent group of acquaintances a i have nobody to relate to a Kipper says. A a that a the loneliest part of my  t at a reunion of his Princeton University classmates not Long ago 33-year-old Jeff Bass of Boston says his undergraduate buddies did no to know what to make of his decision five years ago to walk away from his fast track Job at arthurd Little to become More involved in rearing his two Young sons. Bass says Quot it was seen As Way  their problem How to Deal with the children while trying to live a single life. Even though its dealt with romantically in such movies As sleep ass in Senft a its a topic on which few courses Are taught or books written according to those who live the life and study the subject. And for the roughly 30 percent of american households consisting of single adults with kids says the census its an unmapped Road that can Lead right off an emotional Cliff. Persuaded by sitcoms and films into thinking in should be possible if not downright easy to Hunt for 0ve a while simultaneously raising children running a household and holding a full time Job �?10 million americans Fumble their Way each year. Through feelings of guilt ambivalence and Inadequacy As they juggle schedules and crises that Drain the fun from a search for marriage and sexual fulfilment. A people were told they could tune it All in the a a ids and they be found its not True says Alexandra Penney editor of self Magazine and author of How to make love to a Man safely. A you can to have it All. Something a got to give. If its a Choice Between children career and social life the social life is first to suffer. Maybe that a the Way it has to be if children Are the first  Bui most people done to make the Choice easily. As one Inglewood calif., single father of two puts it a i am so Busy and so tired a and so utterly without options a that i can to bother to think about the least important item on my priority list my social life. My children come first and they always  this in no Way prevents him from searching. When he meets a woman he likes he invites her out. Then he invites his daughters Ages 9 and 16, a the 16-year-old usually declines. The 9-year-old Al us sex says yes a. A sure it puts a crimp on conversation and on the Page 6 a sunday june 19,1994