European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 19, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse Following that dream and a Angel of destruction Joe Bob Briggs Agoes to the Tiye in. D on to you just hate it when people say a Well at least you tried ? the Crew san even worse one. A at least you followed your what if your dream was stupid what if a Guys dream was to Start violin lessons at age 65 and play with the new York philharmonic if you were the Guys Friend it be the right thing to say a they Bud you just picked a goal that will require a natural disaster annihilating every professional violin player in the world but we re not supposed to say that. We re sup posed to say a follow that dream a what a the Standard of dreariness Here what if your dream is to race in the Indianapolis 500, but you crash and Burn at yellow belly Speedway and suffer Burns Over 90 percent of your body does god say a wok that counts a that a the same As winning the Indianapolis 500�?�?. Speaking of unexplained Phenomena this weeks movie Angel of destruction does no to make a lick of sense but ill give it a shot. Its the Story of a gorgeous private detective who lives in the Philippines and is used by the filipino police to solve crimes All the time Only she gets killed by a sadistic serial killer and sex mercenary who likes to dress up women in bridal gowns and then Slit their throats but As soon As this happens the private detectives gorgeous Stepsister shows up in the Philippines and takes Over the Case which is convenient because she has been sleeping with the dead Sisters sex Boyfriend who is a filipino cop who helps his Girlfriend figure out that the Crew Cutter Kung fun serial killer is about to go after the gorgeous lesbian performance artist Delilah and so the Stepsister signs on As the personal bodyguard to Delilah and her lesbian Lover Reena but Delilah a Creepy Boyfriend keeps bothering everyone because he has been ordered by a mobster and recording Industry investor to Force Delilah to change her act so the mobster can recover his $2 million investment Only after a while he decides to just murder her and get $1.5 million for the insurance police he has on her Only meanwhile the serial killer is wasting hookers All Over town and closing in on Delilah and the Stepsister a who is played by Maria Ford by the Way a starts Kung suing everyone in sight until the big final scene in the Manila shipyards where the killer has Delilah tied up and he a Gonna try to marry her and then Slit her Throat but i give up. I quit. Why do i do this week after week after week i try to Tell you what happens in these movies and do you appreciate it do you care no. All you Wanna know is the lowest common denominator consumer information. Me too. Fifty eight dead bodies. Sixteen breasts. Through the window plunge. Lesbo bondage lingerie musical nightclub act. One motor vehicle Chase with crash. And Burn two fireballs. Gratuitous music video. Eleven Kung fun scenes drive in Academy award nomination for Charlie Spradling As the sister who Dies in the second reel for Kung suing five Guys attempting a gang rape and saying a the broken nose is for the girl a the Vasectomy a two stars. Joe Bob says Check it there a smoke there a the fiery party line fil9 Chanda her whole name in Angel of destruction Joe bobs advice to the hopeless religious fanatic Alert the Woodland drive in in grand rapids mich., is now the Woodland drive in Church. The Rev. Verlyn Verbrugge promises a Contact Between heaven and obviously he does no to intend to show the exorcist. Richard Fraser of Wyoming mich., reminds us that without eternal vigilance it can happen Here. Dear Joe Bob Briggs am originally from Houston but i am currently living in Gaeta Italy serving on the guided missile Cruiser Belknap As a meteorologist. For you Dalla Sites that Means i am a Weatherman pronounced Whent Herman by a Friend of mine. Anyhow i was Reading the stars and stripes a worldwide military propaganda rag the other Day and came across one of your articles. I used to hear you on some radio station in Norfolk va., but it was taken Over by some rednecks or something and you were no More. At the Bottom of your article it said to write to you to receive freebies. Since we spend a lot of time at sea we could use Reading material or maybe tapes of your movie reviews. We have quite an assortment of movies Here and we would be interested in hearing your hilarious remarks about them. Basically hell Send any old Damn thing. Living in Italy is great but it is hard to get Good bbl Here. Of course i do bum some tasty roadkill now and then on my Yuppie Weber Kettle no Mesquite or Hickory Trees Here so we use Olive Trees for that smoked flavor. You make do with what you got. Not much wildlife Over Here for cooking quite a few cats but they re so Damn hard to coax onto the Grill. Mostly we resort to store bought riddles and make believe. Actually my Beautiful Bride is from coastal Virginia and she does no to much believe my stories about my great grandmother sucking the Buckshot out of some old Fried Squirrel Heads that i had shot for her one easter morning in Frankston Texas Well time to go write a weather forecast. Send along those freebies now a hear i would hate to have to Send my old Sissy Cousin from Duncanville Over there to kick some old Joe Bob butt . The enclosed is a satellite picture of the Central Mediterranean with Italy Sicily and Sardinia. If Italy looks like a Boot then 1 live about where the Kneecap is. Albert Mauzy. . Nav Gaeta Italy dear Albert i w on to Tell anybody about those three. Planes that went Down because you were Busy smoking Olive Trees under a dead cat. Creators Syndicate a. To discuss the moaning of to with Joe Bob or to got Freo junk in the mail and Joe Bob s world famous newsletter the Joe Bob report write Jos Bob Briggs 80 2002, Dallas. Texas 75221. Jos Bob s tax line is always open 214 363-2310. By Kevin Cowherd the Baltimore Sun a a Englc Man of the tobacco Industry my thank you for coming. Its a Beruti Ful thursday morning and Well try not to keep you too 1�?�?� a emr. Chairman who says its thursday a a yeah is that the Ama again Quot a gentlemen please the Calendar says its thursday a a that does no to prove a you can make a Calendar say Quot or. Chairman i got me a miss Valvoline Calendar at Home says its 1972.�?� a please gentlemen. We asked you Here to talk about cigarettes. Frankly Many of us wonder How you remain in your line of work knowing that More than 400,000 americans die annually from smoking related illnesses a Quot All due respect or. Chairman. That a Bull a a yeah who gave you those figures a Quot doctors health experts the surgeon general a office every responsible medical organization in the work Quot Quot Bunch of Damn a emr. Chairman its like my daddy used to say a just because it walks like a Duck and quacks like a Duck that done to necessarily mean it is a a a a in a not sure i follow you sir.�?�. A fall in a saying is you might have a lot of smokers dropping dead but that done to automatically mean its cigarettes killing a a that a right or. Chairman. Hell 400,000 americans die each year from hang gliding too a Quot sir Only 30 americans die annually from hang a whatever you see my a emr. Chairman lets not quibble Over numbers Quot Quot what about racquetball that a dangerous a Quot yeah you can get whacked in the head a a sir racquetball docs not cause lung cancer nor does it a a beg Pardon or. Chairman. Lung what a a lung cancer. What cigarettes Quot or. Chairman you re Sayin cigarettes cause lung cancer a a you. Never heard that before Quot. A absolutely not or. Chairman Quot a a he a right. That a a a let me get this straight gentlemen. None of you believes the preponderance of evidence linking smoking to lung cancer emphysema heart disc a a emr. Chairman i resent that a a if we re going to let a few crybabies spoil things for the millions of decent god fearing smokers or. Chairman a a a this is the Usa not Albania a a gentlemen i can take you into cancer wards where sex smokers sit hooked up to oxygen a a a that a a lifestyle Choice or. a sir your product Hooks Quot or chairman have you been talking to those lunatics at the new England journal of Medicine a a a you re saying nicotine is not addictive Quot Quot no More than orcs or. laughter. Tobacco execs Exchange High fives a gentlemen its nearly noon. Perhaps this is a Good time to take a Short recess and a Quot who says its nearly noon a a did the Ama say its nearly noon a Gavel Quot gentlemen this hearing is adjourned Quot Linda Eric Roe a the flu and did not file a column of 19, 1394 sunday Page m
