European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - June 19, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                0 miss manners Judith Martin dear mis manners i have seven adopted children ranging in Ages from 3 to 10. When we go out someone always comes up to us and says a these can to possibly All be yours. Did you give birth to them All Ai simply say a no they Are adopted a which brings the response Quot which Are your natural ones and which Are adopted Quot or they will ask personal questions about the children that i do not want to answer. What would be a polite Way to avoid answering these questions and keep our privacy gentle readers does no to this just illustrate the Folly of cooperating with rude people you answer one Nosy question civilly and they feel encouraged to pry Ever More deeply. Miss manners does not of course allow retaliatory rudeness. But neither docs she require letting such people get their Way. The polite response Here would be an irrelevant one. Beam a maternal smile at your inquisitors and reply a a rent to they wonderful in a so proud of them. Come children we must be going  dear miss manners i am not married and i had a child less than a year ago. The father sees him quite often. _ acknowledging birthdays and holidays is important to me and i Send cards from myself and the child. But now the child a grandmother on his fathers Side is having a birthday and my mom says that it is the child a father who should be responsible for acknowledging his family occasions on behalf of the child. I done to mind doing it and i done to need to sign my name. But this is causing friction with my own mob. Who should be sending the cards his daddy or me gentle Render to the untrained Eye it May look As if you and your Mother Are discussing the same thing a who should write a birthday card in the child s name. But miss manners Eye is hardly untrained and she wishes to Point out that in fact you and your Mother Are pursuing entirely different objectives. You wish to pass on to your child a social duty that you think is important while your Mother wants to Point out to the child a father that tic should be doing a parental duty. Miss manners considers your objective the More Collins London Giand mow that we re hom6. Tub first tww3 i m 00iwo to Vogt a bake you a mice worthwhile in that rearing children is both easier and More rewarding than attempting to rear adults especially those Over whom one has disputed jurisdiction. Dear mis manners i live in a Community or perhaps it is simply the people with whom i associate where Quot pot Luck Quot is the Rule rather than the exception. I am hard pressed to think of occasions informal or formal when i have not been asked or required to contribute a course to the meal. I done to think this is a question of finances. My friends appear to live quite Well. They say this is the Best Way to entertain so that a no one has to do  although i have mastered the arts of responding to dinner invitations with a what can i bring a and of concocting dishes that wont spill while being transported i do not prefer to entertain this Way. I like to invite friends Over and give them a night out of the Kitchen. I truly enjoy planning a menu and setting 3 table. My friends however will not allow me to throw my own dinner party they relentlessly query Quot what can i bring Quot my response is a nothing thanks i have everything i need a but they either Badger me with phone Calls or simply show up with salads loaves of bread or desserts. I find myself caving in rather than arguing with them How can i fend off offers of shared cooking How do i respond to Quot what can i bring a gentle Reader miss manners joins you in deploring the erosion of the Noble Art of hospitality. Here you Are acting in the finest tradition a actually enjoying taking the trouble to please your guests a while they however Well they mean Are sabotaging your Effort apparently they do not take a a not for an answer. This does not mean you should not keep repeating that a no Quot rather than coming up with an assignment but it docs mean that you must accept their offerings graciously. However hosts have never been obliged by politeness to serve what their guests bring them by Way of presents at the event itself. Thank them for their dishes and assure them that you will think of them with pleasure when you get around to consuming these. Should anyone object you need merely repeat your thanks while explaining that you have pre pared a full meal which you Hope they will enjoy. Perhaps some of them will learn that the Way to share the Burden of entertaining guests is to reciprocate invitations. If not at least you will not be at a loss for lunch on the Day after your dinner parties. A untied feature Syndicate. The father of All ways to treat question Artath of Blits manner . Box 9h2b. We Wius a a a Hort Aflfe Preyma miss Man nors Tram answering question except through this column. Popes Usa 11 it a a an a a Erma bom Beck i Here must be a lot of Young fathers who have had no hands on training for the Job. Maybe these reflections from the boys and girls of boys town in Nebraska an organization that cares for More than 16,000 abused abandoned and neglected Young people each year can Supply the answers of what a father should be or  be. A a a father should not just work work work. He should spend More time with my Mother and Little Brothers. A vacation together would be  a a a father should hot raise his hand to his child out of anger. He should not take away what they love the most a their happiness safety and self esteem. A Quot a father should not get Busy with women that Are not his wife.�?�. A a a a father should not expect i s child to be the next Larry Bird or Dan Marino. He should be patient with his  a a   children would love him for  a a a father should be one you can Trust. A father should be the one you never have to worry about being Hurt  a a a father should not give his son  m a a father should not yell harshly at his daughter or hit her or Chain her to the bed or Board up the windows of her room and say he will break her arms and  a a a father should not be violent. Violence has never accomplished anything it places the kid in a defensive state. You Only have one Way out and if you Are in a defensive position a run  a Quot a father should forgive his son or daughter for the mistakes that they have made. A father should always say he loves his son or daughter a when even it is hard for him to say it. Universal pros Syndicate ,. 0 no kidding i when 6 men fathered their fast children 1. Paul Revere a at age s3 2. Renoir a at 60 3. Bach a at 56 4. John Tyler a at 70 5. Brigham Young a at 69 6. Charlie Chaplin a at 73 . Reynolds fathered his first child at 56. World feature Syndicate 5 reasons wives have sued for divorce because husband. 1. Did All housework Caribou Maine 2. Wanted too Many kisses Batavia . 3. Stayed Home and too Loving Hardwick a 4. Insisted they sleep in Hammock Galena Alaska 5. Had undertaker come when she was ill plus ordered funeral wreaths Flasher . Laughable Law and courtroom Capers Page 10 sunday june 19, 1994