European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 3, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                Odds amp ends miss manners Judith Martin dear miss manners i always prepare extra food when inviting guests so i will have enough left Over for my family the next Day. After dinner a guest asked me for a plate of food to take Home for her meal the next Day. I was sur prised but fixed a plate. Docs this happen often gentle readers miss manners certainly Hopes not but she has Learned not to discount the Preva Lenic of new lows in human behaviour. She might even be unwittingly abetting the spread by publishing such examples As you mention. There could be people Reading this and saying Quot what a great idea i could make my hosts prepare me a Doggie  it is of course a highly improper request a and yet another instance of people confusing private Homes with Public accommodations. It is for exam pie equally shocking but More common for guests to decide at the last minute whether to attend to bring. Along their own friends and to announce their food likes and dislikes As if their friends Homes were restaurants. Unless you had reason to believe that your Friend had no other Hope of being fed the next Day and those so destitute need longer term help but one is. Not Likely to find them at dinner parties you should have refused. Cooperating with rude demands Only encourages people to make More of them. A i m so sorry but i can to a would be All you need to say. Dear miss manners please help fast time is running out a Friend is having a baby soon and she and the baby a father have agreed to wait until a month after the baby is born to get married. Can we Combine a baby and bridal Shower or is it unethical to ask people to bring two gifts we really Don t have the time for two separate showers. Gentle readers How fast mgt is manners is out of breath. A As your Friend has combined being a Bride and being a Mother there is Iio reason that your Shower honouring her should not do so As Well allowing  y pie to choose items appropriate to either aspect of her new  miss manners when i served on a government delegation to arms control talks in Geneva the head of the delegation a High ranking civil scr just Fracol Switzerland ant marked the end of our stay by a a requesting that we attend a social gathering at his government provided quarters. R he also requested that we each contribute about $15 to pay for the food and drink at this party. I paid and attended but grudgingly and Only because i thought it was polite. What is the proper Way to respond to such a requests Quot without being rude and jeopardizing ones Job. Gentle Reader miss manners does t want to be selfish , but she knows that the minute she voices her agreement with your position the head of the delegation will ask her to pay for this event. In her official capacity As . Taxpayer. But the fact remains that an occasion at which attendance does not seem voluntary and at which guests buy their own refreshments can in no Way be  As a party. At Best it is a meeting with refreshments available for Sale. To flush this fact out politely you might decline. The invitation by saying a ooh i done to want to take time for partying a i think ill do some More work in my  if your self styled Host then claims that. The gathering is necessary to work you should certainly agree to at tend. Ijuin you can still decline to pay adding a Tine but i still think ill have supper in my room afterwards while go Over things and i done to plan to drink because id like to keep a Clear head.�?�. Dear miss manners my husbands brother has a Young son from a former Girlfriend who has remained a Good Friend of the family. He has married someone else and believe it or not we All get along just grand. Of course the former Girlfriend and her son Are incl did in All our social activities. However at wed Din is parties and company picnics we find ourselves at a loss for a polite introduction for her and we wish to avoid the Long explanation or the raised eyebrows when the boy Calls for his father. 1 what is the proper Way of introducing this special Mother and son gentle Reader miss manac Sis pleased that you recognize that propriety consists As much of what one does no to explain As of what one does. No wonder you All get along so Well. One does hear the most complicated sagas of couplings and Unchu a Libigs in Mere introductions nowadays. People keep asking miss manners what on Earth they Are expected to reply. A Good for you All that is necessary is to mention existing relationships. You would say a this is my nephews Mother Quot your brother in Law would say a this is my songs Mother Quot and his wife would say a this is my Stepsons  a. Unitedfoa1uresyndicat9 a. When ads feeling incorrect address your etiquette questions in Black or Blue Black Ink on White writing paper to miss manners . Box 91420, Cleveland Ohio 44101-3420. The Quill shortage prevents miss manners from answering questions except through this column Kambiz Basel Switzerland us to get nervy Erma Bombeck advert Iscys never know when a to phrase will become so popular the Public will snap up a phrase and make it a part of their vocabulary. When get smart was at its Peak we All peppered our conversation with a would you believe. People worked a a where a the beef Quot into a sentence whether it fit or not. The phrase of the �?T9qs is , it comes from the lips of a phony in a commercial. He Hooks a ride in a limousine from the Airport by pretending to be a  name he can to even pronounce. When asked if he is indeed the doctor he stares the Driver in the Eye and says confidently a yes i am.�?�. As he raids the bar for a Beer and plays with the electric windows the suspicious Driver asks if he has Ever been in a limousine before. He counters a not one this  there a a Little bit of the character in All of us. We May not give in to it but its there. Say you re at a restaurant where the wailing Lis looks like a novel and you have no reservations. The hostess called the Crounk party and no one moves the Founks have either Given up or starved to death. Arentt you tempted to present yourself and say a a we re the fro Unks or you have seats at a concert that Are so far Back from the stage you have a different zip code. The performers look like punctuation Marks. For More than an hour you have been eyeballing two seats in the fifth Row a empty. Tell me you have never fought the desire to slide into them and smile at the people on either Side and say a the traffic is . _  i ashamed of myself for even thinking of being dishonest yes i am. A. A Quot Universal press Syndicate no kidding fates of 6 assassins 1. President Mckinley s a electric chair 45 Days later. A. A 2. Huey Long s a shot immediately 3. President Garfield so hanged 12 months later 4. Leon Trotsky so died 38 years later 5. Archduke Ferdinand s a died in prison two years later 6. Pancho Villa s a convicted then released assassination. Musical beginnings of note 1. Cole Porter a composed first song age 11 2. Jule Styne a piano Solo Chicago symphony Quot age 8. 3. Verdi Village organist age 10 4. Mozart a played for Royalty age 6 5. Beethoven a piano lessons age 4 a 6. Stephen Foster a wrote first song age 13 7. Prokofiev a began opera the giant age 8 8. Richard Rodgers a first Broadway musical age 18 world features Syndicate. Page 10 sunday july 3, .1994 /