European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 3, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse Words amp wit everything to do with an James j. Kilpatrick the writers Art a hat is he most frequently misspelled word in English Angela Williams v director of the writing Center at the Citadel in Charleston s.c., has nominated a word that has Only three letters. I second the nomination. The word is a its a or in the alternative Why can to people get this straight a Little word a a it so with the apostrophe a is a has Only one meaning it is. Its a contraction its Lime to feed the dog. Its not to burp at dinner. By contrast a its a without the apostrophe indicates Possession every dog has its Day the Republican party has its Eye on the Senate. Nothing Codd be simpler yet confusion reigns at a Levels High and Low. I was Reading the Constitution the other Day and this was not just any old reprinting of the Constitution. This was the official Bicentennial edition published by the government printing office As a House document in 1987. And what should my unbelieving eyes behold toward the end of article was this provision a no. State shall. By any imposts or duties on imports or exports except what May be absolutely necessary for executing its inspection ?1 a arg think of it turn Pale Timbie for words Send the children to their rooms the same incredible spelling also appears in the Constitution of the United states of America revised and annotated published by the superintendent of documents in 1982. Plain As Day a a it a inspection Laws a i checked every copy of the Constitution in the office. The world Book and the world almanac have it right a its inspection in Jeffrey St. Johns constitutional journal the line appears properly As its. But in the Oxford companion to the supreme court one finds a a it a inspection Laws Quot same thing in the guide to the supreme court published by congressional could this be the founding fathers who met at Philadelphia in .1787 were the most Learned men in the fledgling . They knew their punctuation. They argued Over whether the general welfare clause should have a comma or a semicolon. The posse Skiye a a its appears four other times in the Constitution and each time it is spelled correctly. Well the whole business is shocking. Shocking but to move from the Sublime in he comic strip wizard of id we find the King complaining Quot every country has a Day celebrating its founding wrong a cartoon in new York new Day has a Hal Frozen citizen saying a ooh look a Spring is on its no Way. In May a Federal judge in California removed a Small Bird the California gnatcatcher from the pro acc cd list. Said a conservationist in the new York a times a without if listing As a threatened species its going to be business As usual for the come now new York times one Way to get it right is to remember that the a a apostrophe in a a it so Means �?ois.�?�. The Pesky apostrophe gives trouble in other ways. A mexican restaurant in Florida had a special last month a a Mother a receive free Carnation and Glass of Champagne a How did that apostrophe get into a a mothers Brian Smith of Indianapolis writes to Challenge a familiar word for an angry uproar. Random House and Merriam Webster spell it a a hornets a nest american heritage spells it a a hornets the metaphor dates from 1740. Lets hear it for american heritage More than one Hornet lives in a hornets nest. Grey Laprade of mount airy n.c., sends along an and from a clothing store offering special discounts on a a ladies a dresses Ladics shoes girls hats and boys dress let this kind word be said for the copy writer. He or she got every time a for consistency f for a Universal Pross Syndicate a and the living is Tony k0rnhe1ser of that the school year is Over and my children Are Home All Day Long. In a thinking of smashing my head through a plate Glass window. Stop me if this sounds familiar Quot Duaana added in a a my kids Are 11 and 8, and they re always bored. In a Lucky. If they were teen agers they a always be bored and hungry everything bores them including the Brand new $39.95 Sega video Gate i bought them this morning after they told me that if i just bought them this one thing they a never ask for any thing else and they a take out the garbage for a week a and now the wrapper is on the floor near their feet and they say they traded the game to the kid Down the Street because it was so Borror Ringgo. They traded it for a stick. A of do i ask them what the attraction of a Slick was that they thought it was Worth 539.95. They Tell me and i am quoting Here a it was once so was the Man who lived across the Hall from grandma Edith i say but no one thought to Trade him for a self cleaning oven i Tell them there a so much to do they can read they can play piano they can ride bikes they can watch to they can Bury the cat up to its head in the Back Yard and fire up the Lawnmower. Its of for me to joke about things because in a a professional humorist do not try this yourself i Tell them when i was Young we did no to have anywhere near As Many options. I Tell them when i was Young my diversions were pretty much limited to Reading comic books about gis in world War ii where machine guns went a Budda Budda Budday and soldiers with cigars in their Teeth kept saying things like a heat Lead you Lousy krauts and watching Black and White to sitcoms like the Stu Emin show starring obviously Stu Erwin who even then i pick out of a lineup Writh the Andrews Sisters. There was no Nintendo i say. The Only thing remotely interactive on to was Winky Dink which featured a plastic screen that you were supposed to put on your to and draw on it with crayons sex. _ cent you kept forgetting to put the screen on and so. Your dad hit you with a Belt or a baseball Bat which dads used to do fairly regularly maybe Stu Erwin even did stand kids were better off for it i Point out menacingly. They Tell me the Story bores them. I ask them what they want to do. A a there a nothing to do a they say. I Tell them to Call a Friend. A none of our friends is Home they say. What Are you talking about i say. Your friends arc 9 years old. Where did they All go at that age to the crusades arc they celebrating a Day by parachuting into Lefavre Cherbourg so do something by yourselves i say. Go outside. Find something to do outside. This is what i used to do. I wait to go out. Side and get away from my parents a a it shot outside a they say. This is the monkeys Paw of air conditioning of course. It makes the inside can you buy me a much cards a he says. I bought you a in cards Hoo Days ago. They _ were $6 a pack and you got five cards. Who Drew these cards Picasso. What about All your toys i say. What about those games. A games Are for kids a she says. Excuse me Jessica Tandy i say. What about playing Ball there Are 368 balls in the House. There Are Tennis balls footballs basketballs Golf balls. There s that soccer Ball you have on a string i say the one you be almost shattered the to screen with. There a that Ball the dog ate and barfed Back up that no one will go near. There a that a vortex a the football with wings that some idiot invented As though it will help a kid learn to throw a football if you put wings on it i mean Why not invent a Golf club with a Pogo stick head for those really Long drives or a basketball the size of a Ping Pong Ball so any shot goes in both my kids like sports and i try to get them to play sports with the kids on the Block. But there s no. League on the Block. Sports have been taken Over by some league with at least nine letters like the j 7-10 gender equal tee Ball kids done to play Ball unless there san organized league with a trophy for everyone. My son is 8, and he already has More trophies than Willie Mays. Every time he puts on sneakers someone hands him a trophy. If Rodin was alive today head be making plastic baseball players. And if you put your kids into leagues you have to drive them there then watch them play and applaud them. If you done to they will grow up with a self esteem problem. And then you Are going to see grades fall and cats being tortured and fires being set and eventually someone a sitting in a doctors office recovering a memory. And whom Are they going to blame. You. Which is Why when my kids Are bored i Rush out and buy them ice Cream. Creators Syndicate Page 24 sunday july 3. 1994
