European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 3, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                -1 1  Page 28j to v Lyv a of a ii Ufi a a a Der Jorv Quot Quot 1 a Over status of air Dave Barry s a frequent flyer i am alarmed about the air traffic control situation. As you probably know air traffic control is the system set up by the fed eral government to keep air planes from crashing any More than is absolutely necessary. This is accomplished via radar. Here show it works a thing at the Airport sends out radar beams that travel through the atmosphere until they strike an air plane causing it to shake violently during the meal service this is called Quot turbulence. The radar beams then Bounce off the plane and travel Back the other Way until they Are detected by the super sensitive ear of the Bat which is thus Able to locate the Mosquito eat it and throw up. No wait that is sonar. The radar beams travel Back to the Airport where they collapse exhausted but not before forming blobs of Light on a to screen in the control Tower. By analysing these blobs air traffic controllers can Tell exactly where the air planes Are on the map arid advise the pilots accordingly. Air traffic control flight 1793, your current position is directly Over the a a by in Nebraska. Continue on your current heading until you see the state capital Lincoln which will be indicated by a big Star. A a a Quot a a Pilot this is Fli gift 1793, and we Are still on the ground in Chicago. Quot a air traffic control whoops. Our mis Lake. Apparently we Are picking up a Bat. Bat Roger. Using radar air traffic controllers arc Able to keep Many planes flying around airports without hitting each other until every single passenger on Board has missed his or her connecting flight. This system has served our nation Well but its getting old. It has been in use without major modernization since the original flight by the Wright Brothers who had to wait three hours for Takeoff clearance because air traffic control was convinced that there Wert other aircraft in the area. In a not saying that commercial air travel is dangerous. Statistics gathered by the . Transportation department show that you Are far safer in an air plane that is flying 35,000 feet above the Earth a surface than you arc in an air plane that has crashed. Into the Ocean and is sinking like a Cement truck while the passengers who were Busy Reading John Grisham novels during the safety lecture frantically try to remember exactly which part of their seat is supposed to float. But there is reason to be con. Corned about the air traffic control system which is Why we should be glad that vice pres Denral Gore is getting involved. A1 has been a Busy exc Cutic Branch Beaver lately because president Clinton due to unforeseen world crises has had to occupy himself pretty much full time with hiring personal attorneys. Thus it has been left up to a1 to protect the environment reinvent the government appear on Letterman Etc. So Al held a press conference with Secretary of transportation Federico Pena wherein they announced that the air traffic control system is antiquated. To demonstrate this Point a and Here i am quoting from the new York times a a emr. Pena handed or. Gore a vacuum tube used in an air tray Fie control computer at National Airport and said it was a Symbol of the inefficiency that characterized the air traffic control system.�?�. Picture the scene in the National Airport control Tower while the vice presidents press conference was going on. First air traffic controller of flight 1793, due to congestion in the Airport area we re going to have your plane Fly around until it spells out a Happy birthday Myron a. Horse Hacker  so vivant you to Fly straight until. Hey my screen fent Blank second air traffic controller look some idiot has removed a vacuum tube from our antiquated computer a first air traffic controller wait a minute that a Secretary of transportation Federico Pena sir that a our vacuum tube. Pena sorry men but the vice president needs this As a Symbol of the inefficiency that characterizes the air traffic control system flight 1793 hey How big Are these letters going to be because it looks like we re about to Fly right into this. Silence. In a confident that the Federal government will make the air traffic control system every bit As modern and efficient As the postal service. But for now we members of the Public should avoid commercial air travel at least until certain Basic Steps have been taken to assure our safety. And i think we can All agree on step no. 1 a1 should give Back the tube. A Miami of Trad sunday july 3. 1994. A a p