European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 3, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse Voices Over Joe Bob Briggs goes to the drive in a that a enough babies put a lid on it. Y we be repopulated. We be got the Little creatures Swar mind All Over the Jungle by urls like amphibious sea monkeys. We be got Papoose women bringing pm into me Donald s and frightening the guatemalan checkout boys. Quot -. A a a we be got stray Bunny Rabbit shoes cluttering up the aisles of air planes. We be got breast feeding in restaurants. Al yuck. Yall did no to have anything to do during the recession did you but you could have thought of something better than this. You can get free condoms at the clinic for gods Sake. I done to know but i think its some kind of elaborate Deal to screw up my life. A couple of weeks ago i was on an air plane and a lady had me watch tier baby a i mean actually touch the Little Booger. A while she was in the Back scoring some baby supplies from the stewardess. Also if everybody is so Golding Happy to be having these Little bundles of satanic Energy then Why done to they look Happy its not like you see baby couples dancing in the aisles at Chuck e. Cheese. Check those Parent faces mount Rushmore City this is not a Happy emotional state. So what is it about really. Tell me. Please. Maybe we can Herd some of you people into therapy before its too late. Do you get tired of renting videos is that it so one night you just say a you know what Honey i was thinking that if we had a baby we even have time to watch a a is it a boredom thing is it an immortality thing i. _ after All if you just Wanna took at one or play with one you can always go next door. There arc even people who Are going Oyer to Korea Roundin up Rug rats and bringing Mem Back across the Ocean. I done to think Korea can pay us enough Money o Correct this imbalance of Trade. And All of you complain about Barney. Done to you realize you created Barney. A and All of you go to the i in stones and you come out saying a ooh Well not As Good As i thought it Quot would be was it a Well you created the Gold urn Ufi Al stones. As Long As you women keep Domino ing like crazy the studios Are Gonna be turning out Bland generic by the numbers Crayola comedy for the whole family. / listen to me. You can Stop now. We have quite a feta. Enough to run the railroads you know what i mean take up country line Danciuk or something All right a. In a sorry but we really done to need this. Speaking of things that probably sounded like a Good idea at the time Mirror Mirror 2 Raven dance just came out and its the sequel to one of the Best horror flicks of the last four five years. The Only problem was they forgot to make up a plot for this one. Its always those Pesky Little details that can make a flick go bad Isnit it anyhow this is the old Story of a nubile girl and her catatonic brother who get dropped off at a Cath Mark Buffalo uses a Little knife therapy on the grisly Mirror Demon in Mirror Mirror 2. Olic orphanage that a occupied by a Punk band that rehearses in front of an old Mirror and gets Fried by lasers and reduced to a Little pile of smoking Bones. Nine dead bodies. Multiple blinding. One Raven attack. Mirror ticking. Table saw to the Back. Arm 1 hacking. Gratuitous Demon that goes by so fast you can blink and miss it. Spider fun. Drive in Academy award nominations for Tracy Wells As the Bimbo in peril for saying a does god hate me am i cursed a and a my whole life is dancing Quot Veronica Cartwright As the spooky Blind nun who prays a i beg of you this must Stop a and Roddy Mcdowall Winner of the Quot what is he doing in this movies award As the doctor who says a you must Trust me a the drugs will / two. Stars. Joe Bob says Check it out. Joe bobs advice to the hopeless Victory Over pessimism the Elm Road twin drive in in Warren Ohio one of the last three drive ins in the Mahoning Valley recently 43rd year thanks to second generation owner Robert Hreno who has outfitted the place with radio sound but keeps the speaker poles anyway because people like it that Way. Dan Wright of Plantation fla., reminds us that with eternal big Ilance the drive in will never die. Dear Joe Bob. Have you noticed that the animation on Ren amp skimpy looks different this season and not for the better ?. How come every Gold med time something Espe Dally cartoons gets a widespread following they the establishment always ruins it by in this Case making the animation a a Slicker and writing it in More of a a Booger Humora manner also Why in episode 2, season 2 was Only the first half new material and the second half skits from last season ? i feel As though Nickelodeon is trying to screw the general Public. A. A a a. T Quot Tom Mchugh. Medford mass. Dear Tom they fired the Guy who created Ren it skimpy but they kept doing Ren amp skimpy. Its like one of those newspaper cartoon strips like Blondie and Dag Wood where the cartoonist has been dead for 50 years but they forgot to Tell us. It you re right its sick. Dear Joe Bob a How come i feel like a Rube being taken in by the Good old boy xxx Perot is this what billionaires have come to what is Jane Fonda. Keith Mcgill Rodeo Calif. Dear Keith its not that you re a Rube. Its that we All think he a a Rube and therefore we can to ust him. Believe me he a a cold eyed Yuppie in Rube s clothing. A creators Syndicate. A to discuss the meaning of life with Joe Bob. Or to get tree junk in the a mail and his world famous newsletter write Joe boo Briggs. . Box 2002, Dallas Texas 75221. Joe Bob s fax Lino is always open 214 368-2310. A the tragedy in wives and the system Unda Ellerbee t he woman was speaking to . Congers women in the big congressional hearing room. A my name is Margaret. In a 61,1 live i n \ Pennsylvania. I was married for 39 years. I was beaten Tor 37 she says it almost matter of factly As though to. Were a truth too commonplace to question. 1 a my husband was in the military. When i reported the beatings to military doctors or military police or even to base commanders i was always advised to become a belter wife. They asked me what i did to make my husband hit me. They suggested that my reporting these incidents would Hurt my husband s career. They insinuated that the beatings were my fault. One doctor a psychiatrist said he though might help if i made my husband a Martini when lie got Home something to relax him a and skipped telling him about any problems with the kids or House. It was More than 30 years before a doctor said to me you done to deserve this. But nothing was Ever done to make my husband Stop. After two years of counselling i finally left my in the end Margaret a biggest problem was not her husband. Margaret a biggest problem was that she lives in a country that still thinks it a More or less of to hit women especially if you marry them first. Not surprisingly i thought a lot about Margaret last week listening to people who ought to know better express extreme Shock at the notion that a Man who beats his wife might one Day actually kill her. In some circles this is called a major Case of denial. Its True that we do not know if . Simpson is guilty of killing his sex wife. But we do know that mrs. Simpson in the course of their marriage called the police nine times to report she was being beaten. The ninth time Simpson was arrested and pleaded a no contest to the charges. Yet nothing bad happened to him. There was no punishment. The event was barely written about even. Quot it . Simpson got to keep his Job on television. He got to keep his big contract with Hertz. He got to keep on being our hero h remember pee wee Herman remember w hat happened to that unfortunate Man when he was a caught touching himself in an a a adult movie theater the Media were All Over that Story. Fee wee _ lost his show his endorsements a he lost his entire career. Funny country Isnit it where playing with y yourself is worse than beating your wife. Some will say that . Simpson got a break because of who a . Simpson our hero. But . Did no to need to get special treatment. The sad sad truth of the matter is that in America you. Done to have to be . Simpson to get away with beat chg your wife. Its a crime that happens All the time in All socioeconomic Levels in All parts of town in All towns. Wife beating is the biggest unreported crime in America. Sadly it is becoming increasingly Clear Why its not reported. If nothing a going to be done Why Tell \ Margaret understood that. It took her 30-Somc-Odd years to finally get someone to listen to her a and to believe her Nicole Simpson simply Wasny to that Lucky. And so it goes. King features Syndicate a july 3,1994 sunday Page 21
