European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - July 3, 1994, Darmstadt, Hesse                                For cameras careers by Kristin Tillotson Minneapolis Star Tribune a Arning this program contains excessive displays of pectoral Pulcher etude slow motion surf jogging and banal dialogue. Whatever amount of discretion viewers exercise its bound to exceed that of the actors. Larger than life muscle display used to be the Domain of planet Hollywood investors Calvin Klein underwear models and those Speedo Clad volleyball players at the Beach who a you Tell yourself a must be unemployed. Lately though it seems you can to turn on the to without Tawny Brawny delts lats and gluten flexing in your face unhindered by. A plot that requires viewer brain activity. There s the flesh Baring David Hasselhoff and friends of Baywatch Hulk Hogan of Thunder in Paradise and Fabio Romance novel cover boy and a him boy King of the recently cancelled Acapulco heat. A a a. Some of these Guys make Charles Atlas who set the Standard in the 1920s, look like a 90-Pound weakling. Lorenzo lamas of renegade and Grant show of Melrose place May not run around in swim trunks All the time but they do shed their shirts on. Cue Wear pouts and strike Macho poses on motorcycles. Lamas even has his own workout infomercial. Fans Call this Type of entertainment harmless Eye Candy equal Opportunity ogling a respite from tiresome politically Correct parameters. Critics assail it As mint i Otting limbo Bimbo glorification yet another sign of the great american dumping Down. One things for sure people Are tuning in. Most of the current action shows Are syndicated non network programs yet they capture an impressive Market share Thunder and renegade each claimed an 11 share in the May ratings sweeps 11 percent of All households watching to a a lot for a syndicated show while Bay Afifi garnered 14, Baywatch was recently dubbed the most watched show in the world. Its popularity is due not Only to Star David Hasselhoff s idol status in Europe and its per Square Inch ratio of Beautiful people but also to the fact that you done to have to know a word of English to watch it. A Baywatch is no More or less representative of our culture than 77sunset strip was a said David Bian Culli television critic for the new York daily news. A a it Sall sunny climates and Buff bodies and you done to even have to have the volume turned  these shows Are merely animated comic books of Rock Mem sock Mem action a or in the Case of Melrose soap operas whose characters make Suzanne so tiers look Complex. And so what they Promise. No More than they deliver. A a lot of programs exploit violence and sexuality More than these do a said Dale Bluestein creative it director for a twin cities to station that airs Bay watch and Thunder in Paradise twice weekly a this is More mtg than pcs. No one thinks they re particularly deep. Its entertainment a Good clean  however even entertainment As mindless As this raises a few questions a who is Ali the flexing for most shows have a fairly even number of male and female viewers. In some cases that a because the Bikini jiggle quotient is even higher than the bicep bulge. But just As football players Are admired More by other men than women so Are these archetypes. They re a socially acceptable Retreat into machismo fantasy because they re so far off the reality Chart. A can our heroes be sensitive new age Guys without compromising their Macho Appeal can Claude Van Damme in Fohrd target. Universal yes and no. Sure they care about the environment and maybe they meditate when the weight of the world strains their mighty shoulders. But the female posturing in the first five minutes of any of these shows confirms that women s roles have not advanced beyond the decorative in spite of the occasional karate kick or drowning victim Rescue by someone whose figure resembles an hourglass More than an inverted Triangle. To be fair however every character is really More of a caricature. Subtle nuance and sensitivity Are not what viewers Are after. /. A and what Are producers after a the real underlying reason we re seeing so Many action shows with hunks is not because we re suddenly balancing the sexual equation a Bianculli said. A a it a because they re ready for dubbing commodities. They sell so Well on the International Market. The less dialogue there is the More Basic the plot the better Quot great. Foreigners used to think americans were Ali neurotic millionaires like the characters on Dallas and dynasty. Now when we go abroad Well have to explain Why we done to look like Lorenzo movie actors Are also apparently feel in a the pressure to pump up. The physiques of Stallone Schwarzenegger Van Damme and Seagal have always been integral to their screen Personas. But in the past couple of years stars of slim to average or average to Paunchy build have added sculpted bulk noticeable right Down to the forearms. Contrast Bruce Willis in moonlighting is. Die hard 2, or Keanu Reeves in dangerous liaisons is. Speed. Or. Mel Bircoll is a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon specializing in cat and pectoral implants. He estimated that he has performed 1,200 such operations four fifths of them on calves since they were a. Proved As medical procedures four years ago. Revealing his patient list would be professional suicide of course but Bircoll did confirm that it in eludes Many prominent film and television actors. A a we re seeing a lot More of their bodies on screen these Days and so its important they have Good musculature a he said a Many men regardless of How much they work out Arentt congenitally Able to build up their pectoral and calf muscle groups. And for an actor who a trying to look masculine there a nothing worse than a weak Chest and Skinny  Howard news Servlia. The Guy to in a swimsuit by Jerry Zezima the Stamford Conn advocate i believe i can speak for All men or at least those who do not pick their noses at stoplights when i say that we Are sick arid tired of being treated As sex objects. The latest example of this alarming Perva Sive completely unfair blatantly sexist and most of All rather flattering trend is a poll conducted by rebook Magazine. In the recent Survey of 500 women 68 percent said men ought to worry More about How they look in swimsuits. This of course is the kind of insulting humiliating and degrading attitude that men have had to put up with for far too Long. Just once i wish women would appreciate us for our minds and realize that if it weren to for men there would be no football no hockey no professional wrestling no Beer no reruns of the three stooges no nuclear weapons no sports illustrated swimsuit issues. In Short none of the things that make this country great. I done to know what the rest of the respondents said but i Hope they like Many men were intelligent and enlightened enough to have no opinion. Still the Survey did serve one useful purpose it. Made me worry More about How i would look in a swimsuit the summer. So i took a poll of my own. I asked my wife a who Wasny tone of the women surveyed by rebook a if she thought i had anything to be concerned about. Her answer Given after a Short pause was a i guess  a that made me feel a whole lot better at least until my wife added a just done to buy one of those Speedo Bikini suits. They re  for the record i have Black and Teal Pierre Cardin swim trunks that Are fashionably baggy and extend almost Down to my Knees. My wife bought them for me last year apparently figuring that the More i covered up the less i would have to worry about. This i guess makes me qualified to give the rest of you men out there some valuable tips on How to look Good in a swimsuit. Tip no. 1 done to jog. Look at president Clinton he jogs every Day. You think head look Good in a swimsuit i rest my Case. Tip no. 2 done to lift weights or work out. It is a r fact that most women 68 percent i think Are repulsed by heavily muscled men like those you see on television in those Power lifting competitions. To be fair most men think that women Power lifters Are repulsive too but wed never Tell them to their faces because we re afraid they a beat us up tip no. 3 Don t hold your breath. While this is the line most men hear when they try to pick up women at the Beach it is also a Good piece of advice for All you Guys who think you can impress the ladies by holding in your stomach for hours at a time. Doing so Only cuts off the air Supply to your rain and makes you do stupid things. Then again what have you got to  no. 4 done to try to defy Gravity. Gravity works on the human form by pulling Down blobs of skin that Are often exposed by even the fullest swimsuits. This is not so apparent however when you Are lying Down. My recommendation buy a lounge chair. Tip no. 5 switch to Light Beer. Tip no 6 Don t buy one of those Bikini suits. They re disgusting. I Hope this has helped you men worry less about How you will look in your swimsuits this summer. If you need More advice just look for me at the Beach. Ill be the flabby Guy in the baggy Black and Teal a a Pierre Cardin swim trunks sitting in a lounge chair with a Light Beer in my hand my stomach sucked in and my Bony Knees exposed. It drives the women wild. A  Page 20 sunday july 3,1994