European Stars and Stripes (Newspaper) - August 18, 1991, Darmstadt, Hesse Depressing news far away from funny pages something funny would be a Good idea today. That a what ill write a something funny. Lets see. What do we have Here my trash is collected Only once a week so i have a lot of old newspapers. There must be a funny idea in Here somewhere. Mass murder in Milwaukee. Sex fiend kills 17 in a afraid not. The government is always Good for a laugh. What a going on in Washington economists say questions Nixon has the answers on video screen \ a by Howard Rosenberg los Angeles times the and in the newspaper promised a now you can put Nixon on the yes. Yes. Yes no one could pass up such a tempting offer. Here was my Chance to be deluxe to interviewer David Frost to interrogate As brutally As Merv Griffin. Former president Nixon had probably already addressed the questions i wanted answered but i Hadnot seen All of his to interviews or read any of his books. So i met the Challenge and drove to Yorba Linda calif., for my Duel with americans 37th president at the Richard Nixon Library amp Birthplace. The Public figure americans either abhor or adore awaited me in the presidential forum a Small softly lit auditorium where Nixon was already speaking As i approached vigorously defending a it Wasny to illegal a his bugging of both reporters and officials of his own administration. He spoke passionately to his audience 40 empty seats. Later other visitors would join me in the auditorium where bigger than life speaking from a Large Monitor at the front of the room Richard Milhous Nixon was on interactive television. The interaction was one Way though. I was live Nixon on videotape. Through the magic of pre programming Nixon runs continuously regardless of whether anyone is in the auditorium to see and hear him. You have the option of interrupting with a question of your own Choice. Sort of. This May be our future. That is the presiden they think the recession is Over but unemployment is up again to More than 6 percent. The unemployed done to think the recession is Over. Nothing funny there for me. People being out of work Isnit amusing. Increasing number of babies born with drug addiction. I done to know what a wrong with me today but that does no to strike me funny either. Maybe i got up on the wrong Side of the bed., More Banks thought to be in serious trouble. Savings and loan scandal worse than expected by $234 billion. I get a chuckle out of Bankers being in trouble but i can to seem to make it funny for everyone. Anyway it Isnit the Bankers who Are in trouble its the customers. The Bankers go out and get better jobs somewhere else. Its the people who had Money in their Banks who have the problem. Its hard to make anyone laugh when they be just lost their life savings. Three St. Johns University students accused of gang raping a fellow student Are found innocent. Any suggestions on How i might make anyone laugh at that or at Willie Kennedy Smith and the woman there was the . Sommit in Moscow. We re hoping Gorbachev will Promise to drop one of those so a. Bush and Gorbachev signed a treaty reducing their countries Long Range nuclear weapons. Good a but not funny. Call me when the . And the soviet Union Start spending More on education health and science than on weapons. It be funny but that would make me smile. Liz Taylor to marry for St time. Michael Jackson is going to give the Bride away. Give the Bride away How can you give away something that Isnit yours anyway Liz is pre owned. I should think one of her former husbands would be Happy to hand her Over. Nothing funny there. How do you take some Jone seriously who promises to a love Honor and obey till death do us part Quot eight times new planet found by scientists astronomers think they be found another planet like Earth 30,000 Light years from Here. In a not Clear whether its 30,000 Light years from new York or los Angeles. Just to refresh your memory a Light year is a Long distance. Light travels 186,000 Miles a second. There Are As you May recall 60 seconds in a minute 60 minutes in an hour 24 hours in a Day and 365 Days in a year. I done to know and in a not going to multiply to find out How Many seconds there Are in a year but the number of seconds in a year times 186,000 Miles is How far away a Light year is. And this planet is 30,000 of them away from ours. Not a threat. I think ill give up looking for anything funny today. You probably Arentt in a very Good mood anyway. Andy Rooney is a former stars and stripes reporter. Tial forum May hint at a to to come whereby we will Call up news and historical events on a Home screen the Way one punches musical selections on a Jukebox. The Validity of the data will depend on who programs and controls the informational Jukebox. In this Case guess who. At the rear of the auditorium Are two video panels on which visitors can select from a menu of questions covering numerous aspects of Nixon a life ranging from his favorite meal to his political career and presidency. You pick a question by touching the panel. Then Nixon a in Blue suit and tie and appearing More Youthful in some settings than in others a responds on the Monitor under an electronic printout of the designated question which is put to him by a generic voice. I done to like Nixon. Never have. So i got Tough right away selecting a question i knew would put him on the spot. A Are you sorry for watergate a the voice asked. / Nixon replied tersely that there was no Way anyone could apologize or say he was sorry that a would exceed resigning the presidency of the United he added Curtly a that said it All and i done to intend to say any a non response i wanted to press him demand that he be contrite. But there Are no follow in the presidential forum. I punched another watergate question a How would you characterize watergate a benignly As it turned out. A no one was killed in watergate a Nixon said. A no one profited from watergate. No election was he went on to say that his administrations handling of watergate allowed his old to Gymn a the Media and Liberal democrats to exploit the the Media sometimes wrong a novel concept. A what was involved Here in the watergate thing was the unfairness of it a Nixon went on. A ooh there was a legitimate thing to investigate but they allowed their advocacy to get ahead of their i punched another Media question a Why was the Media so Tough on you a Nixon was philosophical. A they like fashion and in a not a fashion person. They like the trendy people and in a not a trendy person. They like froth. In a someone who believes in substance. I think it gets Down to the fact that i am a con former president Nixon in 1977 interview. Why Nixon asserted Many in the press privately even resented his groundbreaking journey to China because a their boy Hadnot done it whoever their boy the it bygones by bygones Nixon summed up a now having said that lets simply say that Sall in the no lingering resentment i was unconvinced. So i selected this question a were the Media Ever fair in their treatment of your presidency Quot a thoughtful Nixon spoke from the Monitor. A i would say some people say that i got fair treatment on the China he did not say if he agreed with them. But even if he did that still left an awful lot of unfair treatment by the Media so i was glad to hear Nixon also say about us a i done to hold personal however he did say he does no to respect Many in the Media especially those who a sabotaged me in my opinion or tried to when i was trying to bring the War to an honorable but again Asra journalist myself i was gratified to hear Nixon add about the Media a i done to hate such humanity. I wondered if i would Ever be Able to Bury the Hatchet like Nixon and be As generous to him As he is now with his old enemies the Media. Perhaps not. I called up a final question before leaving one about his favorite movies and heard him express his admiration for the sting. Very Apt. Nixon probably would like to ask me what i mean but that said it All and i done to intend to say any 18, 1991 sunday a Page 7
